Simon Petrikov Is Truly The Fucking Character Of All Time. He’s Autistic. He’s A Wifeguy. He Collects

Simon Petrikov is truly the fucking character of all time. He’s autistic. He’s a wifeguy. He collects antiques. He survived a nuclear war. He’s a single father. He turned himself into the truman show. He’s a USB drive that stores fanfiction for a god. He’s a butch lesbian. He’s suicidal. He spent 1000 years isolated in a cursed state of existence that robbed him of his agency his autonomy his sanity and when he was finally freed he learned that everyone preferred him when he was like that. He’s nonbinary. He was keeping a primordial god of destruction as a pet and didn’t even realise. He smokes weed. He’s tearing the space-time continuum asunder to see the love of his life one last time. He has a massive bubble butt. He made a little girl cry. Everyone he cares about is living their own lives and he doesn’t want to inconvenience them. He’s transgender. He once cucked a separate god and then beat the shit out of him and threw him into space. He only drinks warm alcohol. He’s into femdom. Peace and love on the planet girl

More Posts from Lavendersourphantom and Others

1 year ago
dying of diabetic ketoacidosis can be either a quick or slow painful death. it is the worst pain I have ever left in my lifetime and could be prevented for diabetics in Gaza if Israel allowed them to get insulin but they aren’t. DON’T STOP TALKING ABOUT THE GENOCIDE !!!!!!!! https://t.co/u8YdN7TSaj

— sabrina insulina 🦋 (@sadgirlbrina) February 6, 2024

If you want to help diabetics in Gaza, please donate or boost

Help Diabetics in Gaza
Mutual Aid Diabetes
Help diabetics escape . UN News/Ziad Taleb The UN reported, “Goods humanitarians are trying to bring into Gaza… ‘seem to be prohibited by th

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1 year ago

If I read something on the asks that feels genuinely threatening or dangerous, or that's actually abusive, I just delete it and block the person.

If I'm answering an ask here you can assume that as far as I'm concerned even if it's apparently threatening or angry, it's meant humorously or with love.

It's never appropriate to dogpile people. Never appropriate to threaten or abuse them, even if you think you are doing it for me and with the best of intentions. Don't.

If you are upset on my behalf, or on behalf of all Tumblr users, just think "this is probably a tone-deaf attempt at humour" and let it go.

1 year ago

i dont think there is a word yet that can describe how absolutely vile israel is. they killed thirsty children by targeting a water tank.

I Dont Think There Is A Word Yet That Can Describe How Absolutely Vile Israel Is. They Killed Thirsty
I Dont Think There Is A Word Yet That Can Describe How Absolutely Vile Israel Is. They Killed Thirsty

how inhumane do you have to be to support this, to fund this, to excuse this, to ignore this and pretend as if it isn’t going on?

* news was originally shared by Ramy Abdul, chairman of Euromed Human Rights Monitor

it is also not the first time Israel has targeted water tanks . this is how some Palestinians in Gaza get water supplies since the IDF threatens to shoot them.


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1 year ago
HOW I ANIMATE 🤌

HOW I ANIMATE 🤌

I couldn’t make individual gifs of this whole this so MADE A VIDJEW FOR YEW GOIS ! I didn’t know what else to make of my animation, so I decided to make it into a little quick tutorial. Hope it helps!

1 year ago

their argument over Gabriel and how they "resolved" it set up the Final Fifteen of ep6 and is a microcosm of their relationship issues

The fight between Aziraphale and Crowley about Gabriel goes like this:

Aziraphale believes that it's Safest for them to deal with the gabriel situation by being involved and solving it together.

Crowley believes that it's Safest for them to get as far away from the Gabriel situation as possible, either by removing gabriel from them or themselves from him.

Aziraphale also believes that it's Right to help Gabriel, because Aziraphale believes in the innate goodness of everyone and everything.

Crowley believes that it's Right to not help Gabriel or frankly to care about him at all, because Gabriel hurt Aziraphale repeatedly over millennia and then tried to destroy him.

They approach this issue with such a difference in their core beliefs and values that they have to disagree, it's inevitable. And that would be fine. Except that the way they resolve this argument is utter bullshit.

First off, Aziraphale responds to Crowley with an ultimatum: do it my way or leave. (Which, hello, trauma from being cast out of heaven? Wtf Aziraphale. )

Crowley responds by telling Aziraphale he'll have to do this alone, and then predictably leaving.

Crowley only changes his mind and returns because he learns that Aziraphale is in real existential peril. Then they do a series of Things, none of which actually revolve their big disagreement.

Crowley offers a sort-of apology ("can we take it as stated?") but doesn't say what he's apologizing for. He doesn't tell Aziraphale what he thinks he got wrong (spoiler: because he absolutely doesn't think he Was wrong, and his belief is reinforced by the threat of destruction hanging over Aziraphale's head). It's "I'm sorry for whatever I said, get in the car" all over again.

Aziraphale doesn't even apologize lmao, and why should he? He must be right, because Crowley's back! And Crowley's doing their ritualistic "apology" dance that they use in place of actual fucking conversation. So Aziraphale doesnt need to acknowledge anything about his line of reasoning or his belief system, they can just carry on.

Especially because, crucially, Aziraphale doesn't know that Crowley was actually right! And helping Gabriel will put them both in extreme danger! And he doesn't know this, because Crowley didn't tell him!

Crowley didnt tell Aziraphale about the Book of Life punishment because he believes Aziraphale is Safest not worrying about that, and that it's Right for him to protect Aziraphale from that hurtful, harmful knowledge.

They literally do. not. discuss this issue ever again. They have no idea, or none that we're textually shown anyway, why the other reacted the way they did to Gabriel. They simply move forward with the problem, without even an iota of enlightenment about each other's points of view. They think they already know each other perfectly, right? They've been talking for millions of years, Crowley loves rescuing Aziraphale, etc.

So then we get to ep6. And it's really the same fundamental disagreement:

Aziraphale believes they will be Safest with their hands in the game.

Aziraphale believes it's Right to force Heaven, through what he has been manipulated into thinking is his new authority, to do Good (actual moral good, like he and Crowley do).

Crowley believes it's Safest for them both to stay as far away from the machinations of heaven, and by extension hell, as possible.

Crowley believes it's Right for him to reject Heaven as they once rejected him, to reject their whole dichotomous system in fact. He believes it's Right for Aziraphale to reject Heaven too, because Heaven tried to destroy Aziraphale.

And once again, Crowley doesn't tell Aziraphale of the danger they're in - Armageddon the Sequel, plus Archangels being demoted and having their memory wiped.

They still do not and cannot understand one another's motives and beliefs here. Because they have never had this freedom of choice before these last few years, and in that time they have never talked about this openly. Weirdly, Gabriel's arrival gave them a chance to hash all this out. In another world, maybe they knew exactly what the other wanted, and could therefore choose each other at this critical juncture.

But that's not what happened.

(cue my "the irony of the serpent of Eden protecting someone he loves from knowledge" tag).

Edit to say, I have Thoughts about Why they communicate like this, which I'm trying to gather for another post.


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1 year ago

A Comprehensive Taxonomy of Tumblr Sexyman, presented with the help of the esteemed Doctor Simon Petrikov

Type 1: Wholesome Nerd

A Comprehensive Taxonomy Of Tumblr Sexyman, Presented With The Help Of The Esteemed Doctor Simon Petrikov

Type 2A: Sweet Middle-Aged Dad

A Comprehensive Taxonomy Of Tumblr Sexyman, Presented With The Help Of The Esteemed Doctor Simon Petrikov

Type 2B: Deeply Fucked Up and Traumatized Middle-Aged Dad

A Comprehensive Taxonomy Of Tumblr Sexyman, Presented With The Help Of The Esteemed Doctor Simon Petrikov

Type 3: Silly Little Weirdo Who is Only Appealing Because He's Deeply Miserable in an Extremely Relatable Way

A Comprehensive Taxonomy Of Tumblr Sexyman, Presented With The Help Of The Esteemed Doctor Simon Petrikov

Type 4: Dramatic Evil Bastard in a Fancy Suit

A Comprehensive Taxonomy Of Tumblr Sexyman, Presented With The Help Of The Esteemed Doctor Simon Petrikov

Type 5: Awful Fucked Up Creature

A Comprehensive Taxonomy Of Tumblr Sexyman, Presented With The Help Of The Esteemed Doctor Simon Petrikov

Type 6: Skeleton

A Comprehensive Taxonomy Of Tumblr Sexyman, Presented With The Help Of The Esteemed Doctor Simon Petrikov

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1 year ago
He's Brainwashed And Loving And Wants To Do Good, He's A Good Boy (gender Neutral)

he's brainwashed and loving and wants to do good, he's a good boy (gender neutral)


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1 year ago
You’re Hearing It More And More

you’re hearing it more and more

1 year ago
We Are Witnessing The Grotesque Reality Of The Martyred Palestinians And Thousands Of Their Massacred

We are witnessing the grotesque reality of the martyred Palestinians and thousands of their massacred children being written off as mere afterthoughts. The way western media outlets steadfastly refuse to call the Israeli aggression and onslaught for what it is, which is genocide and ethnic cleansing, is just another way of dehumanizing Palestinians. 


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1 year ago
Israel literally tortured United Nations staff to get them to make false statements against UNRWA. 

They. Tortured. UN. Staff.

If we had anything remotely like objective news reporting in the western press, this would be the top story everywhere for days.

— Caitlin Johnstone (@caitoz) March 9, 2024
UNRWA says that Israel tortured some of its employees "to make false statements against the Agency, including that the Agency has affiliations with Hamas and that UNRWA staff members took part in the 7 October 2023 atrocities.” https://t.co/cgqDr9wZOt

— Canadians for Justice and Peace in the Middle East (@CJPME) March 8, 2024

The thing is... Israel admitted to this from the very beginning.

They said the confessions were obtained through 'interrogation' in the Shin Bet aka torture (Shin Bet is where they like to torture Palestinian prisoners for intel) so every country that cut funding to the UNRWA knew from the beginning that Israel was using false forced statements.

The famine in Gaza is partly due to this. Never forget that.


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