Latest Posts by leatheredfag - Page 2

I truly wish I could get cis people and non-butches to understand how inherent transness/butchness/gender-nonconformity is for so many of us, specifically related to how visible it can be even when we do our damndest to hide it.

My parents suggested I detransition/try to appear “womanly” because it’s getting really dangerous where I live, and I’m just like…there is no world in which I can make that work. I was getting called a lesbian and a dyke as a teen before I even figured out I was gay. I was shoved up against a wall in college and sexually assaulted in public when I was in the process of coming out and presenting very femininely, specifically because I was a lesbian. Even when I spent hours playing with makeup because it was kind of fun (because I did wacky styles that make me think I was using it as a drag thing more than anything) I still stuck out next to cishet girls.

I’m not saying I can’t do things to improve my safety, but I have been butch/trans/gender-nonconforming my entire life. I cannot undo that from the fabric of who I am; even if I cover it up, the people who want to do harm can typically still pick up on it.

Self portraits by genderqueer & intersex artist Del LaGrace Volcano [1996, 1999, 2004] source

19th-century vampire hunting chests I saw at the antique mall yesterday

The Marlboro man is not always by his lonesome

I love you storms I love you sheets of rain I love you whirling winds I love you dark clouds I love you atmospheric pressure I love you thunder I love you lightning I love you bone chilling cold

Still Life That Took Too Long To Finish

the comorbidities of eve

Christina's World by Andrew Wyeth (1948) American Teenager by Ethel Cain @mothercain (2022)

that old butch les survey where one of the Qs was like “who is your butch role model?” n most of the butches answers was jst gay men. like soooo tru besties

just got back from therapy. they diagnosed me as a sick individual who was born under a bad star. and theres nothing they can do except let my presence continue to be a plague upon the earth.

Snake & Linda, London, 1983, by Del LaGrace Volcano (source)

dykes against capitalism! poster designed by me.

originally posted on my Instagram in more colors!

if you repost tag my Instagram!

reading random old lesbian quarterlies on jstor and im obsessed with both of these dykes

will it be like this forever

Vintage moon and stars banjo heads

listening to ethel cain isn’t enough i need to Eat her

*survives the horrors by being such a silly goofy guy that my presence fundamentally changes the genre*

have y’all seen that nasa pic of the earth with the sun behind it on the night time side it really really fucked me up my own soul became solid and like………….. weeped!

this is sort of pathetic, but when you were younger, you were sort of puzzled by the cartoon representations of fathers: how a kid would be outside with a mitt, waiting to play catch.

it's not that your father never played catch with you, but you also didn't like when he did. something about a hard ball coming quickly towards your face doesn't seem exciting. not that you'd ever say you don't trust him. you trust him, right?

it's not like he never tried to teach you anything. or never tried to parent. on rare days, a strange person would walk in your father's skin. bright, happy, magnificent. this version of your father was so cheerful and charismatic that you would do anything to keep him. and this is the version of your father that would laugh and gently coax you try again. this is the version of your father that would break down the small elements of a problem and point them out so you have an easier time with them.

as a kid, those days happened more often. but somewhere around 11, you started being too much of a person, and he was often cross about it. when he'd try to sit you down to learn something, you spent the whole time with your shoulders around your ears, nervous, uncertain. terrified because you didn't immediately understand how to navigate something. worried you will run out of his goodwill and then you will have the Other Father back, and you will have ruined a good day for your entire family. something about you being visibly afraid - it just made him angry. he would accuse you of not wanting to learn and storm away.

on tv, it's not like there's a lot of versions of men-who-are-mostly-fathers. they can be good dads, but usually their stories are not told in the household. so it's normal that your father is there, but he's never around. you know he was in the house, somewhere, it's just not that you guys ever... "hung out". he just seemed to get kind of bored of you, annoyed you weren't made in his perfect image. frustrated with how much energy it took to raise a kid. over time, you kind of adopt a bittersweet band around your throat - he knows nothing about me. he says at least i never abandoned my family.

and it's technically - technically - true. he was there for you. sometimes he even made an effort and made it to the big moments; the graduations and the dance recitals. he grins and tells everyone that he taught you. it almost erases the days in between, where he complains because you need a ride to school. the weeks that go by where he doesn't actually ever speak to you. the times you say i am struggling and he says figure it out on your own. i can't help you.

and that's fine! that's all fine. you can call him if you are having a problem with your car. or if you need a ride to the hospital. he loves playing hero, he just doesn't like the actual work that comes with being a father. and you've kind of made your peace with that; because you had to, because you don't want to live your life like he does; the whole world at a managed distance, a little rotating and controlled orb he can witness and take credit for but never truly love.

as an adult, you are rewatching some dumb cartoon - and again, the child standing in the rain, with a mitt, waiting for their father to come play catch. as an adult, there's this strange creeping dread - this little thing? this little thing, and their dad can't even show up for that? oh god, holyshit, it's not about the mitt, is it. oh god, holyshit, your father spent most of your life leaving you hanging.

he never wrote me poems. we would fuck in his car or on his bed where others girls had been or in the shower or while i was crying. we saw each other naked so often i have the image painted on the back of my eyelids. he ripped my underwear off. i was always vulnerable. i woke him up with kisses, he woke me up with hickies. for a long time, i thought they were the same thing.

i asked him once while we both got high why it was that i could write novels about him until the words got tired of being anagrams of his name - but at the same time he would never reciprocate. he blew a smoke ring and broke it with his finger. “dunno,” he said. we would fuck again later.

i found him once sitting on my floor staring at a picture from when i was young. “god,” he said, “i really fucked you up.”

Being a grimwalker isnt all that bad after all :]

(please do not repost without permission, but reblogs are very appreciated <3)

gay people everywhere

Will’s character development through the motif of his clothing.

I’m not sure if this has already been talked about, but I’m going to talk about it. nbc hannibal is genius in how it uses will’s clothes to visually show the different stages of his transformation. his appearance reveals a lot about his mental state.

during the first season, we see him wear a lot of professional outfits for his work. I see these outfits as a sort of “person suit” he adopts to fit into the world, a way of blending into the crowd. the colors are always dark shades. this is the will we see in public. if you notice, his hair is also quite tame, especially during the first few episodes

something else I noticed was the amount of layers. now of course it’s cold and will is dressing for that sort of weather, but at home he wears hardly anything, so we can say that the layers are a form of protection against the outside world (like how his glasses help him avoid eye contact).

as I alluded to before, at home will’s attire is completely different. he wears the bare minimum. on the occasion he’s caught like this at home, we don’t see him cover himself up either. it’s like as soon as he’s alone and home, he feels free to strip himself of his persona. the scenes where he is at home usually show his mental state crumbling (eg nightmares etc).

as the season progresses and will becomes more physically and mentally ill, his physical appearance also shifts. his hair becomes long and unkempt. he is more frequently seen at home.

he reaches his worst point when he throws up abigails ear. when hannibal finds him, will is shivering because he’s cold, and hannibal puts a blanket over him, restoring the protective layers that will often adopts in an attempt to comfort himself.

in prison, will wears a jumpsuit that is bright orange. it’s startling because we’ve never seen him wear such vibrant colours - it draws attention to him, and his position as a prisoner. it represents his guilt. everyone thinks he is the Chesapeake ripper. even will does

when he arrives at hannibal’s office, he’s wearing it. at this point he still doesn’t want to suspect hannibal, and wears the guilt. but as the realisation begins to dawn, he changes into normal clothes, because he is shedding his role as the prisoner.

when returned to prison, he still wears a jumpsuit, but it’s a darker shade. he no longer feels like the centre of attention - he has purpose, and he knows he didn’t kill abigail. when at court, his outfit is an exaggeration of his person suit, as he tries to make everyone remember who he really is. I believe he’s 100% playing a part here. when trying to prove his innocence, he becomes very manipulative.

so to summarise. season 1 will uses his clothes as a means of protecting himself and playing the part of the functional professional helping the FBI. alone, however, his lack of clothing represents his vulnerability that he dislikes displaying to others. clothes will take on a completely different meaning to him in season 2.

the first time will confronts hannibal after prison, he’s wearing his usual clothes. he’s unsure how he wants to proceed with the situation, but after the interaction with hannibal he realises something: he can’t continue to play his usual role. to catch hannibal he has to adopt a new one.

when he comes to see hannibal for the second time after prison, however, his attire is completely different. he’s bought expensive, tight fitting clothes. he’s had a haircut. he is pretending to be the person hannibal wants him to be - he makes himself more refined and thus more appealing to (and similar to) hannibal. his body language reflects this new persona too

I think that for will, playing this part is refreshing, because he now has power. he has found a way to take back his dignity through his outward appearance. this part of will’s character development is obvious on purpose - we are meant to look at him and think wow, is this the same guy we saw a few minutes ago? I’m sure hannibal went through a similar moment of surprise.

the layers are gone now. mostly. but in the scene where will tells jack he’s a good fisherman, he’s completely covered from head to toe. to me this feels like he is trying to be the person jack thinks he is. guilt for enjoying being that person he is with hannibal makes him return to the safety of his layers.

something else that’s important we always see him dressed from now on (apart from when he has sex with margot). season 2 will is very much in control. he has learned he can only rely on himself, and so his vulnerability is not even displayed to the audience. we only get glimpses now of what he might be thinking. we are only exposed to the outward, not the inward.

I’ve seen people refer to will’s scheme as a seduction, which I definitely agree with. there’s no way that changing his appearance to appeal to hannibal isn’t an erotic decision. he thinks it will please hannibal for him to look a certain way. that isn’t platonic.

anyway, I also noticed that the way will wears clothes doesn’t really change. he’s wearing tight fitted shirts, but he keeps them unbuttoned, like he used to with his other clothes. this is his true self coming through. while he looks noticeably different, much of his style stays the same - the roles he plays are very much a part of him.

so far will has used clothing to manipulate hannibal. but then mizumono happens

will goes to hannibals place dressed in layers: he’s ready to go back to who he was before. but he finds alana bleeding outside. he takes off a layer, and covers her with his coat. when he enters the house, he is soaking wet. his shirt sticks to him. he’s vulnerable once again.

both hannibal and will are in a state of disarray in this scene. it’s alarming to see, because both of them have kept up appearances for so long. but this scene is one of the first where they are completely vulnerable with each other. they no longer have the comfort of their respective person suits.

and that’s where we end. this is where will’s pretence comes to a shocking conclusion. the only question is… what will he wear now?

are you ready to hear something heartbreaking?

when we first see will after mizumono, he is shirtless.

this is the peak of his vulnerability. his heart is broken. he has nothing: no abigail, no hannibal. he feels completely exposed. and the scar is part of that.

when will meets chiyoh, he lifts his shirt to show her the scar. and we are now faced with the fact that will knows no matter what he wears, the scar will always be underneath.

interestingly, will wears more layers in the first half of season 3, even more than he did in season 1. he’s usually wearing a coat or at least a thick jacket.

he covers himself from head to toe, seeking comfort in this period of heartbreak and uncertainty. this is especially visible in the scene where jack asks will to come back into the field after 3 years of peace. his clothes are a shield from the allure of seeing hannibal again.

also, will dresses this way in season 1 and 2 when he feels particularly vulnerable (for example, the scene where he tells jack hannibal was his friend and he wanted to run away with him). while yes, it’s cold, I still think there’s more to the style choices than just that.

when will returns to hunt francis, his style becomes distinctly hannibal-esque as he reassumes hannibal’s mindset. in therapy sessions with bedelia, he wears a shirt and suit jacket - shedding layers. and in conversations with hannibal, especially in the final scene of twotl, will wears only an unbuttoned shirt - he’s exposed.

upon killing francis with hannibal, the shirt is torn and bloodied. it becomes unimportant. will is not wearing a person suit - it doesn’t matter how he looks, or what he wears.

for season 3 will, clothing is both protection and a tool. it’s also an expression of self identity. he has a distinct style - it lingers no matter how many layers he wears.

if anyone can think of any other examples of this morif, I’d love to hear them <3

…DOLARHYDE, DAMNED MURDERER OF ELEVEN, LISTENED TIME AND AGAIN TO HER HEART. 

a collection inspired by the red dragon. untitled, denis sarazhin. the great red dragon and the woman clothed with the sun, william blake. untitled, kai carpenter. la jeune fille et la mort, henri-léopold lévy. uneven steven, phil hale.

Sean Astin thinks Sam and Frodo might have kissed!

Hannibal 2x04 - “Takiawase”

Have you been to see him? I’ve seen enough of him. I was with him behind the veil. You were always on the other side.

HANNIBAL (2013 - 2015)