Linruuu - Linru ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ

pallas cats and tibetan foxes being enemies is so supremely excellent i cannot think of two better animals to face off theyre just perfect

SIEGE OF THE SEA DEVILS

hey everyone, happy friday and welcome back to another excellent episode of Weird Biology!

this week, we’re examining a charismatic and almost perfect oceanic killing machine! you might be picturing a shark, but you’re wrong. 

it’s the flamboyant, fantastic, and fucking ecological nightmare, the 

NAAAAAANTS INGONYAAAAMAA

Lionfish are a group of 12 species in the genus Pterois (tare-oh-eese), meaning “winged”. these fish are among the most striking and beautiful in the ocean! they’re also full of poison knives, but more on that later.

also called Dragonfish, Firefish, Turkeyfish, Tastyfish or PEZ DIABLO (Devilfish, or “underwater satan” if you use Google Translate), Lionfish are native to the Southern Pacific and Indian oceans. they are mostly found on coral reefs, where they can grow up to 17 inches long and reach about 3 pounds. 

3 pounds of pure whoopass.

small but mighty! SMALL BUT MIGHTY!

see, when it comes to sheer badass ability to survive anywhere, Lionfish are damn near perfect. most reef fish are specialized creatures with a fairly low set of tolerances. not Lionfish! for starters, they’re common in every level of the water column up to 1000 feet down. that’s impressive for a regular fish, let alone a reef specialist. they can also tolerate temperatures as low as 60 F, which again, fucking ridiculous. this fish could probably survive on the moon.

on top of that, their reproductive rate is insane. unlike many reef fish who follow a yearly cycle, Lionfish reproduce monthly. and every month a female Lionfish may lay- wait for it- 15,000 eggs. add in the fact that they have maybe three natural predators and it’s a wonder we aren’t knee deep in them right now.

good news! the Lionfish will submerge us before the oceans do!

Lionfish may look like delicate lacy parasols, but that bold coloration is actually Nature’s equivalent of wearing a bright orange hazard vest! but if we’re doing a direct comparison, in the Lionfish’s case it’s more like the equivalent of wearing a bright orange hazard vest while standing on the roof of a burned-out van, waving a submachine gun at traffic.

see, those lacy fins are are concealing dozens and dozens of long, razor-sharp spines venomous enough to incapacitate a human. any predator unwary enough to get a mouthful of the Lionfish’s poison shiv collection will experience immediate debilitating pain, paralysis, and almost certain death. (this venom isn’t strong enough to kill a healthy adult, but it really fucking sucks and can floor you for at least a day. do not touch.)

it’s time to play our favorite biology game, How Many Poison Knives Is This Animal Packing? if you guess wrong, you die.

Lionfish are voracious eating machines, in addition to being basically a floating wedding dress full of poison ice picks. they feed on fish, invertebrates, mollusks, and smaller Lionfish. these flamboyant cannibals feed by disorienting their prey with a jet of water, and then swallowing it headfirst like a Hardees breakfast sandwich.

and they’ll cram as many fish/shrimp/members of their own species into that ravenous maw as possible- a Lionfish’s stomach can expand to 30 times its original size on a binge! and in lean times, the Lionfish can slow its metabolism to a literal crawl. they can survive a three-month fast and lose only 10% of their body weight. jesus. 

can anything stop these frilly nightmares?

SPOILER ALERT: no.

the question is unfortunately relevant. in 1992, Hurricane Andrew struck South Florida and demolished a public aquarium. Florida had bigger things to worry about, so nobody noticed that six Lionfish had been tragically swept out to sea. in the complete absence of natural predators, those six Free-Willied Lionfish (plus many others released from the pet trade) have become MILLIONS. 

Lionfish have launched a hostile invasion of Carribean waters, and are now found from the Gulf Coast to North Carolina. this is a big fucking problem.

and that’s no joke.

apart from how dangerous they are, the Lionfish’s natural fish superiority allows it to easily outcompete meek and innocent native fish. this is putting stress on invaded reef ecosystems, and the problem is only getting worse as Lionfish continue to spread further north. Lionfish are even learning to tolerate mildly brackish water and have been found in estuaries four miles from the fucking ocean.

at this rate, we’re all going to wake up and find a Lionfish in our beds.

it’s their bed now. accept your inferiority before Earth’s true dominant species.

the fate of these oceans rests on the questionable shoulders of the Lionfish’s only (un)natural predator:

you.

the only current way to slow their spread is to just eat the absolute hell out of them. that’s right, Lionfish are edible. and not just that, they’re completely fucking delicious and heart-healthy! they’re called Tastyfish for a reason. and for all their prowess, Lionfish have yet to evolve a defense for projectile weapons. (that’s what happens when you put all your skill points into Melee, Lionfish.)

and remember: eating a Lionfish is taking part in the front lines of a battle for the future of your oceans. also, they’re just delicious.

so do your part, and eat up! 

WORLD IS A FUCK, 410,757,864,530 DEAD LIONFISH

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thanks for reading! you can find the rest of the Weird Biology series here.

if you enjoy my work, maybe buy me a coffee to support Weird Biology.

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IMAGE SOURCES

img1- Pensecola News Journal img2- Oceanea.org img3- Wikipedia img4- Don Johnson img5- Hakai Magazine img6- Florida Keys Treasures img7- CNN img8- dmagazine.com

w. wait. hold on a second. are. sharks whales????????

Nope! Sharks and whales are VEEERY different. They haven’t shared an ancestor since... well.... since the devonian, I suppose. That was over 450 million years ago!

See, it’s...

Oh, bother. Alright, fine, I’ll do an infographic. It’ll be easier to explain, because there’s a lot of stuff to digest.

Let’s go back in time to.... THE CAMBRIAN!!

Disclaimer: I made this in like an hour while slapping together what I knew about these two animals and decorating it with cute images. It isn’t totally accurate, and I’m simplifying a lot for ease of reading. Please don’t eat me, I’m not a bio major!

Transcript below the cut!

[Transcript start: The image is a simple-looking infographic with a green background and chalk-like white lined drawings of various fish.

The Cambrian Explosion, which took place about 541 million years ago, featured a whole bunch of neat stuff crawling around. This included things like: 

Opabinia - a shrimp-like organism with lots of side-fins and a tuby-like appendage which it used to scoop things into its mouth

Trilobites - the ancestor of arthropods, which we consider ‘bugs’ these days.

Dickinsonia - an organism which looks a lot like a leaf, with a middle section and ray-like parts coming out of it and forming most of its body. 

Andsome of the first fishes - the jawless fish, who were our earliest ancestors. The jawless fish resemble lamprey eels - things which don’t have a moving jaw bone.

During the Devonian period (approximately 490 million years ago), the fish line evolved jaws, which was great for them, because they could now smile winningly. (And eat stuff better.) This was the last common ancestor shared between sharks and whales.

The jawed fish evolved into two groups - one was the cartilaginous fish (or fish which have no bones, only cartilage, except for their teeth) - and the other was bony fish, which had a skeleton. These body fish were technically whale ancestors - because the group eventually evolved the species which first came up on land. These were creatures similar to lungfish, who were able to process oxygen out of water and could move themselves through mud using their flippers.

Meanwhile, the shark ancestors continued their lineage in the oceans and evolved into many more funky shapes, including rays (like stingrays) and skates.

As for the fish on land - they were the ancestors to what we know today as the tetrapods - the things which eventually became the amphibians, lizards, dinosaurs... and mammals! 

One of these mammals was the whale ancestor, which looked quite similar to what we think of as a regular land animal - it had four limbs, and a body plan not dissimilar to dogs, cats, etc. Although it could walk on land, it decided to make an evolutionary U-turn and go back into the water again.

They evolved to be optimized for swimming, and eventually lost their hind limbs. They still needed to breathe air, though, and they are still considered mammals, because they birth and nurse their young! 

This begs the question: If sharks and whales aren’t related to each other that much, why do they look so similar?

That’s a great question! That’s because of something we call Convergent Evolution.

It turns out some shapes just work really well when you’re trying to swim in water. Having fins, flippers, and being fish-shaped just gives you advantage, so many water dwelling creatures end up evolving similar bodyplans - like whales and sharks did.

There’s still a reliable way to tell the two apart, though. Check their tails! See if you can tell the difference.]

https://www.instagram.com/p/Bl7-9QZgea_/

just saw an x-ray of a horse skull. can’t say i’m too happy with it

What’s a nudibranch, anyway?

These soft-bodied mollusks are closely related to sea slugs!

“Nudibranch” means “naked gills,” referring to the fact that they carry their gills on their back. Here’s a closeup of nudibranch gills:

Many nudibranch species are spectacularly colorful, from the Spanish shawl nudibranch, found in Channel Islands National Marine Sanctuary:

to the opalescent nudibranch of Cordell Bank National Marine Sanctuary, which preys on hydroids and anemones. During digestion, the hydroid and anemone stinging cells actually travel into the nudibranch’s colorful appendages and can be used against the nudibranch’s own predators!

Nudibranchs are found all over the world’s ocean and in many of your national marine sanctuaries. 

What’s your favorite kind of nudibranch?

A CATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT

hi everybody, welcome to another wonderful episode of Weird Biology! I’m your host, Bunjy. 

we’re here today to talk about a seriously adoraweird critter with a heart of gold! (or maybe just fluff, it’s hard to tell)

so put all your emotions in your front pocket where you can reach them and give it up for-

he’s meow-vellous!

the Manul is a smallish wildcat native to the mountains of Central Asia. they are also called the Pallas Cat, after German Naturalist Peter Pallas. however, we won’t be using that name because he was a fucking idiot. 

seriously, he thought the Manul was related to the Persian, which is a breed of domestic cat. (Persians are descended from the African Wildcat just like the rest of housekittydom, sorry Pallas. you moron.) 

also he didn’t discover shit, the native Mongolians have been calling it the Manul since the first human to meet one got their shins clawed off hundreds of years ago.

and their scientific name, Otocolobus manul, means “ugly eared Manul”. where are these scientists, I will fight them. FACE ME, COWARDS.

Manuls are about the size of a housecat, weighing up to 10 pounds. however unlike a housecat which is composed of about 30% fluff, the Manul is composed of nearly 110% fluff. there’s barely any cat in there at all! you could probably stick your hand right through. try it yourself! go ahead, I’ll watch from back here. 

what? I just like to keep 10 feet and a solid barrier between myself and other people at all times. do it. you can trust me.

(no you can’t)

anyway as you have possibly just found out from the emergency room doctor, there is in fact some cat inside the Manul’s grand fluff and it is not fond of being pawed at by people. (Manuls make terrible pets, so get that thought out of your head right fucking now. go see them at the zoo like everyone else.) it’s a shame, because that fur coat is goddam luxurious. 

in fact, the Manul has the longest and thickest fur of any wildcat! this is because they live only at high elevations (up to 16,000 feet, which is 15,997 feet higher than I will tolerate), where the weather is windy and brutally cold. you’ve probably also noticed their tiny Garfield ears, which help to minimize heat loss. this combo keeps them toasty warm on otherwise bare mountainsides.

at least until Jim Davis sues them for copyright infringement.

though all these biology facts are very interesting, I must confess they aren’t the reason that I’ve chosen the Manul for this week’s topic. the real reason is that they’re a bunch of hyperemotive memelords.

no seriously, the Manul has catapulted (har!) to internet fame in recent years because their round faces, wide expressive eyes and stubby bodies combine to form a perfect emotive machine. this cat can express emotions that haven’t been invented yet, let alone named.

let’s call this one "Swoom”

seriously, how can you top that? it’s like a living emoticon.

this is “Woderous”

okay, where were we before I got distracted by cat memes? *paper rustles* ah, right. the spite chapter.

Manuls are ambush predators, despite their fluffy bulk. they mostly eat Pika, (sorry, Pokemon fans) a small rabbity creature that squeaks a lot and doesn’t really deserve the fame Nintendo gave it. Manuls are solitary animals and live alone.

(this sounds sad, but it’s actually because every Manul hates every other Manul in existence and not even god himself can change this)

this is not the face of a creature that enjoys the company of others.

Manuls avoid each other, keeping fiercely to their individual territories. the only contact adult cats have with each other at all is during the breeding season, which is pathetically short. after briefly working together to make some kittens, the Manuls part ways. (presumably while avoiding eye contact.)

after about three months the female gives birth to 2-6 bouncing baby kittens, which all hate each other immediately. seriously, Manul kittens growl and hiss at their littermates before they can even open their eyes! talk about sibling rivalry. once the kittens are old enough to make it alone, they’ll take off in different directions and never call home again.

like the Brady Bunch, except very much not.

unfortunately the Manul is classified as Near Threatened in most of their range. human encroachment and environmental destruction takes a toll, but most of the problem is a little more cartoon villain-y than you’d expect.

see, humans really really really like that plush fur coat, but they like it even better as an actual fur coat. (I was going to make a 101 Manuls joke here but it was just too depressing.) Manuls are still hunted for their fur in a fair amount of their range, though that is beginning to change. many nations are putting protections in place for our favorite stubby emotion machine, and we can only hope this is enough to save the wonderful pile of antisocial fluff that is the Manul.

–

thanks for reading! you can find the rest of the Weird Biology series here.

if you enjoy my work, maybe buy me a coffee to support Weird Biology.

–

IMAGE SOURCES

img1- Atlas Obscura img2- Huffington Post img3- Persia Digest img4- OK.ru img5- BoredPanda img6- Cheezburger img7- BoredPanda img8- Big Cat Rescue Img9- FivePrime

Baby armadillo plays with his toy

Today we learned that conches, the sea-dwelling mollusks who live inside those big, beautiful conch seashells in warm tropical waters, peer out at the world with cartoonish eyes on tiny eyestalks. They see you. They see everything. And what’s more, they can regenerate their peepers should they happen to lose one or both of them.

“One 1976 paper dug into the specific behind these animals’ alien eyestalks. Sitting at the tips of long stalks, they contain retinas with both sensory cells and colored pigment cells. But the story gets weirder because obviously, it gets weirder. After amputating the conchs’ eyes, a fully-formed replacement took its place 14 days later. Humans, we really are losing this evolutionary game.”

But wait, that’s hardly the only surprising set of eyes under the sea. Scallops have eyes too, LOTS of them:

Conch photos by Redditor buterbetterbater and via @shingworks.

[via /r/pics and Gizmodo]