Kay Redfield Jamison, An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir Of Moods And Madness

Wake up and suffer

With green eyes

You bluster

Out white lies

And white noise

With gap teeth

And white boys

Stupid mistakes

And you take

And you take

It'll all go away

When your bed is your grave

It's like, I see people on tumblr and insta and tiktok crying their eyes out about how miserable they are, sharing their traumas so openly.

And I feel bad for them, I do. But then this small, cruel part of me thinks, "they don't know how easy they have it."

I look at their rooms, their clothes, their faces, their art, their talents and recoil in jealousy. And I really do feel bad for them! I hate seeing other people in pain!

But damn I wish I had a room decorated that nicely. I wish I had clothes that cool and a real sense of fashion. I wish I were prettier. I wish I could be proud of the things I create and the things I do.

I'm pathetic, right?

i'm damaged as fuck but i'll never hurt anyone the same way i've been hurt

wow I should really go 2 bed omg

Knowing you're gonna have an episode soon and being able to do absolutely nothing to stop it is like waiting for your execution or trying to outrun a tsunami