Hello Google Chrome Refugees

assignmence

it must feel good as hell when you’re a horse and you take a big bite out of an apple like ttshoke

Me: You know how when you were a kid and you’d wish that you’d get sick or injured in a way that would justify why you didn’t live up to your potential?

Everybody, apparently: No?

Came back wrong? How about came back right, except that the world you came back to is wrong. Came back just like waking up from a long nap only to find that the people who love you broke themselves into shards and bloody bargains to get you back.

There are new stains that nobody will explain, hidden beneath the rug in the upstairs hallway. Your mother's left eye is clouded and strange. The cat no longer goes near your brother. There's a sharp-edged shadow now, under your lover's smile.

Everybody says you must be remembering wrong, but your sense of smell is just as good as ever. The closet that used to smell like cedar and cinnamon smells like sulfur, now, and nobody will tell you why.

this but im in house of leaves and instead of going insane mapping the house i just get hyped about all the extra square footage and closet space

Kids are funny. In just one summer vacation, a child can make lifelong friends with a weird frog, be transported to a distant fantasy realm under attack by an evil magician, experience loss via the tragic sacrifice of a trusted warrior ally, and be returned to this earth, just in time to start school again in the fall. For the rest of us, we push the "snooze" button on our Slack notifications nineteen times in the same summer.

What adults are, though, is resourceful. We've figured out a long time ago that we should be taking advantage of anyone who isn't paying enough attention. The grift can never end, and if I'm scamming you, you can't be scamming me, unless you are, in which case I need to scam someone else too. So when our children started opening magical portals to fantasy realms all over the fucking place, you can't imagine we didn't see an opportunity.

First, it's the free babysitting. Sure, the deposed queen of that magical land is going to send them into some kind of kill-or-be-killed foreign war, but there's a fifty-fifty chance our government does it too. They'll learn some valuable skills, make those aforementioned friends, carry the trauma forever. And while they're gone, we can use the closets and wardrobes that they left open (and the lights left on! These kids think electricity is free!) to get rid of some stuff we don't want anymore.

Folks, if dumping nuclear waste in Narnia is wrong, then you can pay higher taxes to get rid of it. I'm charging the government a flat ten-k per barrel to chuck it through the portal, where some halflings can deal with it in their verdant, unspoiled fairyland. And if anything decides to come out, we can just kill it the way adults do: by ignoring it for several decades until it gets really bad, and then blaming each other for it. Yep, the way I see it, the political party I hate are the ones who keep releasing all those manticores. We should dump more nuclear waste in there to teach 'em a lesson.

I think my main problem with modern clothing is that nothing's got volume anymore. Like historically there's been so much clothing that's just BIG, bulky, meant to be flashy and volumnous and not look like it was just spray painted on the body. I mean yeah I do wear skinny jeans on purpose but what if instead of a hoodie I wanted to wear a big fuck-off fancy little purely decorational off-the shoulder cape? Consider:

Big brimmed hat, big boots, skinny jeans, t-shirt and a big wide short cloak that covers up like half of me. Not for any body image reasons or other insecurities. I just think that if I wished, I should be able to discreetly conceal carry a small dog.

DO NOT sleep during the day. Youll be like What the hell later

#daily affirmations

are you doing this for revenge? are you doing this to try and stay true? are you doing this for the ones they left to twist in the wind? are you doing this for you?

recently when im tempted to say 'i'm gonna kill myself' i try to correct it into saying "im gonna walk into the river and become a trout" or some other form of that. this is my new thing