Lostindifference - Why..?

This is my first post and a bit of a vent

I hate having crushes because I know that as a black girl I will always be viewed as too masculine unless I start preforming hyperfeminine and I’m generally unattractive and ugly regardless of what I do paired with more androgynous leaning features so I was never really viewed as a woman to begin with

I like how in almost every bnha fanfic, Sero Hanta is the stoner of the group😭

It make sense but at the same time he’s too bbg for that🎀

So I work at a library and about a month ago I helped a little old woman who is legally blind figure out how to listen to our audiobooks on her tablet. We got to chatting and I mentioned that I always listen to audiobooks while I knit, which made her very excited and she told me all about the afghans she used to make when she could still see. She was so sweet and I was so glad to be able to help her figure out a way to still enjoy books without being able to read.

Yesterday I answered the phone at work and when I said my name the woman on the other line got so excited and said “Madeline?? You’re exactly who I wanted to talk to! This is Marie, you helped me about a month ago. How late are you working today?” It was her!! And about an hour later she and her husband showed up, and she was carrying a huge stack of old knitting patterns for me, and her husband brought in a few boxes full of yarn. They couldn’t stay long but I was so touched that she remembered me, and I struggled to not just flat out start crying when she handed me the patterns. When I looked through them later I realized it was her entire personal collection from over the years, including all her personal notes and drawings and even some photographs of her finished pieces. No one in my family knits, and to have someone pass on their legacy to me like that was incredibly moving.

This isn’t what I usually post here, but with life being especially dark lately I wanted to share a moment of happiness and a reminder that a bit of kindness goes a long way ♡

I know I needed to see this and I someone else will too

Don't kill yourself, please.

If you’re suffering from depression and are looking for a sign to not go through with ending your life, this is it. This is the sign. We care.

If you see this on your dash, reblog it. You could save a life.

I just want you all to know that there is life beyond your eating disorder. There is hope.

Your life will not always be numbers, body checks, obsessing over every little detail, binges or restriction, pain and suffering. I know it can feel like your ed is your home, who you should be, who you are. But it's not.

It may feel like you've lost yourself (or you've found yourself within this disorder), but I can promise you that you WILL find the real you again. You were not put on this earth to be sick. That is not your purpose in life.

It could feel like without this, there's nothing to you, that this is the only thing you can do right. It's not. There are so many wonderful things that make you you, and one of them is not your eating disorder.

In a weird way, it's kind of comforting, isn't it? It always trips me up to think about, but sometimes it feels like coming home after a long day and being able to drop your bags. But the thing is, there's no comfort to it at all. Our disorders are fantastic liars, and they've tricked us into think we need it, that without it, we're just a shell of a person. You don't need it, you've never needed it, and like I said previously, this disorder is not what makes you who you are. You do. Not anorexia, b.e.d, bulimia, orthorexia, or ednos.

You deserve a life not centered around food and the rules you've created. You deserve to be able to think about other things. To enjoy life again. Please don't let your ed tell you any differently.

Please reach out if you need someone to talk to or if you'd like to send an ask. I wish you all nothing but the best ♡

I care about the person I reblogged this from's overall health and hope they have a good life.

If it feels hard to compliment you own body, to say positive statements, then please appreciate your body for what it can do for you, and it can be something as simples as “it keeps me alive”. It’s hard to immediately stop saying negative things about ourselves, and it might feel strange saying very positive things to it. Try saying neutral things first, than maybe slowly you can find new positive things that don’t feel too outlandish because it feels “fake”. It’s something that takes time for us to assimilate and for us to finally become a little more comfortable with our bodies. They’re doing the best they can with the circumstances, they are trying to survive. And if that’s the only thing you can appreciate, that’s a start. Changing the way we speak to ourselves might be a slow thing to get used to, but it is worth for you to have some peace of mind, even if it feels odd to say it. The repetition will help too, and you’ll find it less and less strange with time. Please be patient with yourself.

Me when I have to go to school