lunexstar

Latest Posts by lunexstar

I don’t know why people would continue to choose me and invest in me.

One day, between the headlights and the sound of the shower, it might start to get easier. Everytime it does, I start to drown again. Maybe it’s because after a while, I’m sick of fighting and It’s much easier to sink, to falter, to fail. After a while, people stop expecting things from you, teachers favourite loser. Pretty horrible for a perfectionist and overachiever.

I don’t know why this is something I continue to struggle with. I have food, money, a girlfriend who treats me like a alluring flower, even though I have bugs inside. They start to eat me every so often and people get to peer inside, behind my petals. I shouldn’t be struggling and yet I am.

It may be the writer in me but it’s something I can’t contain. Enough to scare my friends, enough to make my girlfriend hold me tight, enough to keep my mind occupied. Like a dark cloud that follows me, I can’t shake it. I know I’m a bad person, I’ve tried to change, but inside I feel it. The anger, the pain, the sadness, the frustration. Almost reluctant to admit how often my mind feels like an LDR song.

It makes sense that people wouldn’t want to be around all this. My mind constantly running, never turning off. Why would someone want to be with someone who always has a running commentary and an opinion about everything. I should get paid for the way I ruin peoples days, on and off again, like a carousel.

But it’s okay, I don’t care at the end of the day. Isn’t that right?

small artists

Jihyun Yun, from Some Are Always Hungry; “The Leaving Season”

[Text ID: “It’s strange / to know this world I loved, / loves me best / dismembered.”]

Linda Pastan, from Waiting for My Life: Poems; "What We Want"

[Text ID: "and in the morning / our arms ache. / We don't remember the dream, / but the dream remembers us."]

The moon in Romantic paintings

@academia-lucifer

source: romneyellen

“I have a million things to talk to you about. A million things we have to talk about. All I want in this world is you. I want to see you and talk. I want the two of us to begin everything from the beginning.”

— Haruki Murakami

Poetry is what helps me remember that even in my fragments, I am whole.

Jennifer Huang

Instagram credit: chaptersofshau

“The sunrise, of course, doesn’t care if we watch it or not. It will keep on being beautiful, even if no one bothers to look at it.”

— Gene Amole

I see that girl in my dreams almost everyday now. She still looks so pretty as if someone tore a star in half and she was born from the light of it. She holds my hand and leads me to a place in our school that only exists in my dream. I can almost sense the nostalgia she is getting from holding my hand.

Jay Vespertine; Wildest Dreams

It's not that I desire your return; it is an inevitable longing to engage in conversation once more. I don't know if it is because of my loneliness, or it's my memories which play games with me, perhaps its because back in time when we were kids, maybe we were the sole bearers of understanding the complex notion of love and were outlawed from the company of the world because we understood it.

Jay Vespertine; Wildest Dreams

talina

While I can't have you, I long for you. I am the kind of person who would miss a train or a plane to meet you for coffee. I'd take a taxi across town to see you for ten minutes. I'd wait outside all night if I thought you would open the door in the morning.

— Jeanette Winterson

"If you're happy in a dream...does that count? The happiness does it count?"

— Arundhati Roy, The God of Small Things

“Lonely people have enthusiasms which cannot always be explained. When something strikes them as funny, the intensity and length of their laughter mirrors the depth of their loneliness, and they are capable of laughing like hyenas. When something touches their emotions, it runs through them… awakening feelings that gather into great armies.”

— Mark Helprin

“Wait for someone who love you differently. One who can see the fire in your soul, and the child in your laugh, and the ocean in your heart.”

— JmStorm

and our love would be carved in marble and remembered for centuries

ig: pixel.planetarium

“Never apologize for how you feel. No one can control how they feel. The sun doesn’t apologize for being the sun. The rain doesn’t say sorry for falling. Feelings just are.”

— Iain S. Thomas, Intentional Dissonance

“You often feel tired, not because you’ve done too much, but because you’ve done too little of what sparks a light in you.”

— Unknown

“Life went on without you. Of course, it did. of course, it does. It was just an ending, not the end.”

— Lang Leav

“People die of broken hearts. They have heart attacks. And it’s the heart that hurts most when things go wrong and fall apart.”

— Markus Zusak

“I am a different person to different people. Annoying to one. Talented to another. Quiet to a few. Unknown to a lot. But who am I, to me?”

— Unknown

“I can write the saddest poem of all tonight. I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.”

— Pablo Neruda

“I keep that memory somewhere inside me—where it’s safe. I take it out and look at it when I need to. As if it were a photograph.”

— Benjamin Alire Sáenz, The Inexplicable Logic of My Life