macherienicolai
How much sorrow can i take
94 posts
Latest Posts by macherienicolai
this wound needs more salt
everyone from childhood seems to have carved out a life for themselves. i still feel 15 and completely hopeless
don't ever look up what your childhood friends are up to now!!!!!!!!!! like girl you're a nuclear safety engineer. i put on matching socks today. we played tag a thousand years ago.
“Okay here’s the list of chores I want to get done today” I tell myself before having sudden full body fatigue from seemingly nothing
I genuinely sobbed in that moment when these lyrics began processing in my head
does it weigh on your heart like it does with mine?
i waited and i waited and i waited and now im still hoping
being ignored makes me physically sick to my stomach. i hate that my mind was so occupied of you the whole day whilst u never even bat an eye to me at least once.
being ignored makes me physically sick to my stomach. i hate that my mind was so occupied of you the whole day whilst u never even bat an eye to me at least once.
“Am i making you feel sick?”
It’s crazy how some of my greatest fear is always linked with the fear of rejection. Why am I always in the hunt for the validation of others? Even from the people that do not even matter to me?
I absolutely despise silent treatment with my whole being. The way I would rather getting screamed at and being called every single worst name in the book than getting silent treatments makes me physically sick. When I feel a little bit ignored, when somebody gives me the silent treatments, when i feel the annoyance in someone’s voice.. suddenly, I’m that little girl again. That little girl begging for her mother to speak to her, screaming at her face for her attention and yet still get ignored. Why, just why. Suddenly I’m that little girl again, asking myself if I should just stay quiet and be away from my “best” friend who started giving me silent treatments every time she’s in bad mood, despite knowing that it triggers my trauma. And this fear of getting silent treatments is deeply rooted into my fear of rejection, fear of abandonment.
Getting the slightest hint of abandonment and withdrawal from anybody makes me so sick to my stomach that I want to crawl onto my skin. How can this be my greatest fear. Why do I feel like a worthless sick dog that is begging their owner to not abandon her on some random town out of nowhere.
I’m like a dog, and the dog in me has a parvo.
if you need to be mean be mean to me i can take it and put it inside of me etc.
Egon Schiele
”Often the hands will solve a mystery that the intellect has struggled with in vain.” — Carl Jung
“I’ve been trying hard not to get into trouble, but I have a war in my mind”
I’m really happy right now
Happy in a painfully beautiful type of way
when joan didion said we are fatally drawn to anyone who offers a way out of ourselves
summertime sadness (every summer carries the ghosts of all the summers that precede it)
Norman Fucking Rockwell is still one of my top non skip albums ever .. I’ll always love it
Finding myself doing nothing but reblog-ging blogs here on tumblr makes me question my originality .. why am not creating anything, is my talent just to empathize and relate to poetries and prompts? how will i start writing from deep within my soul when I can’t even form an opinion without the influence of what others think. I am always so deep in my thoughts but how come it’s so difficult to express the things I think about in magnificent words like the other. Whenever i try to write something .. i feel like it’s so plagiarized. Maybe writing isn’t for me, wanted to be a girl blogger writing essays and long-form journals about the things that interests me but i guess sometimes giving up is an option
Every feeling I felt about him feels so new. I am even so appalled how peculiar everything felt
Anne Carson, from "Tag"
"How do you write such realistic dialogue-" I TALK TO MYSELF. I TALK TO MYSELF AND I PRETEND I AM THE ONE SAYING THE LINE. LIKE SANITY IS SLOWLY SLIPPING FROM BETWEEN MY FINGERS WITH EVERY MEASLY WORD THEY TYPE OUT. THAT IS HOW.
warsan shire
i love listening to MUSIC!!!!!! and imagining things happening
You are a precious man unknown narrator .. for your heart to sank by learning that a beautiful stranger was weeping.
if you truly have the power to manifest your will whyyyy are you using that to make some guy fancy you…restore the rainforests omfg????