mariana1963-blog

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𝔰𝔱𝔲𝔡𝔶 𝔰𝔭𝔬𝔱𝔰

Manifesting academic success and an unlimited supply of cute stationery for the person whom you reblogged this from

Look at these babies 😭 they always want to cuddle. We got them one big dog bed to share (the blue heart in the first photo) and they love it. They just snuggle up together on top and go to sleep.

Heat Waves

Fezco x Lexi - Euphoria

It’s been eight years. Eight years since that New Years Eve party.

Six years since she saw Him.

On the occasional visits to her mom’s house from L.A., Lexi always seemed to keep an eye out for that familiar Cadillac.

Honestly, she thought about Him a lot. They spent a lot of time with each other after she returned that green sweater. Countless drives around town when her mom was being too much. Countless smiles and laughs.

He would always look right into her soul when she spoke. Listening whole heartedly, no matter the topic or tangent.

He told her once that he loved the way she spoke. Full of passion and earnest.

She loved that about him. How he was always focused on her. Made her feel seen, for once.

Lexi let out a huff of air and fixed her hair, coming back to reality. Her sister invited her to this new club that opened last week in downtown. So here she was, sitting in the corner of a booth while Cassie was being the social butterfly she was.

She continued sipping on the wine she had gotten earlier and people watched like she always did.

Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed a man with a red beard. She turned to get a clearer view. Short, cropped dark hair and a neatly trimmed beard.

No way.

He was walking closer, talking to a semi taller younger man. He turned and she noticed the scar. Even through the hair he had let grow a bit, it was still visible.

She fidgeted with the dress her sister convinced her to wear out. A dark purple bodycon dress with thin straps. Nothing like what she would normally wear.

Taking a deep breath, Lexi moved from her booth.

I’ll just happen to walk past them. Yeah, that’ll work. If he notices me, he notices me. If not then I’ll just go to the bathroom. Yep. Here we go!

Lexi held her head up as she made her way by. It felt like time slowed down the moment they passed each other. Her shoulder barely grazing his in the crowded room. She noticed in the mirrored wall across the room how he had turned his head a little before continuing his conversation. When she arrived at the bathroom, time sped back up to normal. She let out a breath she didn’t realize she had held.

Taking this moment of seclusion to check her reflection. Her once brown hair now dyed into a blonde balayage and up to her chin. She adjusted the soft waves of her hair a bit.

No longer did she look like the eighteen year old Fezco last saw. Twenty-five year old Lexi was different. Mostly.

So what if he didn’t say anything to me. I’m not even here for him. I’m here to get out of the house and have some fun. I’m going to go right back out there and-

As she opened the door, Lexi froze. Leaned against the wall across from her, Fezco looked up from the floor. A grin spreading across his face.

“I thought that was you,” Lexi couldn’t say anything for a minute after he spoke.

“Fez?” She asked, trying to control her voice. He nodded before pushing off the wall.

“Look at you all grown up, little Lex,” she blushed at his words, “What are you doing here?” He asked.

Lexi fully exited the bathroom and stood closer to him, to keep out the way of others of course. No other reason.

“I came with Cassie. She wanted to show me the new club that opened,” Lexi replied, not able to look away from the blue eyes focused on her.

“How do you like it so far?” He asked. The timbre of his voice, nearly making her spiral.

“It’s nice, nicer than most other places around,” this caused Fez to smile wider, “What? What are you doing here anyways?” She asked, suddenly confused by his presence in the building that was definitely not in East Highland.

“Come with me, it’s getting a little loud,” he held a hand out to her and she let him wrap his larger hand around hers. The familiar feeling sending tingles through her.

They walked to the back of the building, leading to what seemed to be an office.

Fez led her to the couch, “Drink?” He asked as he went to the little bar cart in the corner.

“Uh, sure,” Lexi mumbled, taking in the room around her, “This is fancy.”

Fez chuckled as he returned with a glass for her and himself. He sat beside her, “Thanks. Took a lot of work but Ash and I scored a good deal with the place.”

“So this whole building is yours?” She asked, looking back to the man who lived her memories.

She then realized just how close they were. How his bright blue eyes zeroed in on her.

He hummed a reply before saying, “Enough about that, for now. Catch me up on you.”

“Well, I’m a business analyst now. I work with a few different start ups around L.A.,” Lexi informed Fez, “So if you ever need any help let me know. I’ll cut you a good deal,” she mustered the courage to give him a wink.

He smirked at that, “Little Lexi went and got that degree.”

“Yeah, well, you made sure of that,” she couldn’t help the little pang of hurt in her heart. Remembering the last day they were together.

<<<<

The last few weeks before Lexi was supposed to leave for college, she felt Fezco pulling away from her. When before he would drop almost anything he was doing to go see her, now he was suddenly busy every time she texted him.

She had finally had enough of his shit and stormed into the store. Ash looked up in minor surprise.

“Where is he?” She demanded, a little shocked at her own tone.

“Look, Lexi, he’s really busy right now-“

“I’m sorry, Ash, I really just need to see him. He’s been dodging me for the last two weeks!” She was beyond frustrated.

“That’s not-” suddenly the office door opened, and Fez came out. He had a black eye and his knuckles were tore up.

“Oh my god, Fez! What happened?!” She hurried over to him, holding his face in her hands. He closed his eyes, leaning into her hand before swiftly stepping away.

“Lex, you need to go home,” he said, voice stern.

“Where have you been?” She asked, purposely ignoring his command. How could she leave when he was hurt?

“Alexis,” Lexi stopped her fretting, eyes wide. He never called her that.

“Just talk to me,” she whispered, “please?”

He sighed before looking to Ash and nodding his head to the side, a signal to leave.

“Why are you avoiding me?” Lexi asked, voice so soft it was almost a whisper.

“You need to understand,” Fez started, gently caressing her cheek, “You are going to go to great things. Gonna go to college and made something of yourself. Me? This is it for me.”

Lexi just shook her head, holding onto his forearm, just wanting to feel his touch a bit longer.

“You just need a better life than this. You need something I can never give,” He kissed her forehead, “I care too much for you to keep looking back here. Back at me. I’m just gonna hold you back from your potential.”

“That’s not true,” Lexi said through the tears that started to fall.

“It is,” he gave her a sad smile, “You’re gonna be awesome, Lex. No doubt about that. You’re fucking fearless.”

“You say something so loving, but…” she sniffled and hugging him tight to her.

“I’ve gotta let you go. You’ll be better off in something new,” he pressed a kiss into her hair, relishing in her scent.

“I don’t wanna be alone,” she mumbled into his chest.

“You know it hurts me too,” he let out a slight shudder of breath. He pulled away slightly and took a look at her tear streaked face, “You look so broken when you cry,” he wiped her tears away. He held her face in his hands, gazing into her deep brown eyes. The eyes he always got lost in.

He leaned down and kissed her, gentle and careful. Wanting to remember that feeling forever. Loving the way Lexi ran her hand over his buzzed hair and his chest.

When he finally pulled away, Lexi kept her eyes closed. Tears still fell, slowly. She finally opened her eyes and Fezco had to convince himself that, yes, this was the right thing to do. For her. Her future, that was much brighter than his.

Lexi rubbed her thumb over his scruffy beard, “One more, and then I’ll say goodbye,” she whispered.

Fezco nodded, running his hand through her brown curls, before bringing her lips to his once again.

>>>>

“Where’d you go?” Fez asked, noticing Lexi spaced out, “I was starting to miss ya.”

“Oh! Sorry, just remembered something,” Lexi sheepishly giggled.

“Mmm, wonder what thoughts are going on in that pretty head,” he leaned back against the couch.

Lexi hummed in response before also leaning back against the couch.

They just looked at each other before Lexi said, “This feels familiar.” Fez chuckled and nudged her with his elbow. Lexi smiled, just taking him in, “You’ve aged well.”

He just shrugged, “I did alright.”

“What made you pick this spot?”

“East Highland got a little… small. And I got tired of the bullshit. Ash got really into the whole investment thing and we ended up being able to buy this place,” he finally explained. Fez noticed her questionable expression, causing him to chuckle again, “It’s all legal now. Got our licenses and everything.”

“I’m so proud of you, Fezco,” Lexi reached over and caressed his chin, “I always knew you would do great things.”

Fezco reached over and played with a strand of her hair, twisting it around his finger, “I missed you a shit ton, Lex. I wanted to be better. You made me want to be better.”

Lexi couldn’t keep the smile off her face, stray tears finding their way free, “Sometimes, all I think about is you.”

Fez wiped the loose tears away, “Don’t wanna mess up that pretty face, now.”

“Shut up,” she giggled. A few memories popped up from all the times he said that exact sentence whenever she was dealing with bullshit at home.

“I think about you, too, Lex. Every damn day. Thinking back on if I made the right decision. Pulling away from your life like I did. Seeing you now… makes me glad I did. You’ve done great for yourself, it seems,” Fez gave her that look that always made her stomach flip flop.

Lexi took a sharp inhale when she noticed they somehow managed to get closer without realizing, like they were still drawn to each other. She watched with bated breath as his eyes flicked between her own eyes and her lips, the action causing her pull on her bottom lip slightly with her teeth. This caused a soft groan in Fez’s throat before he held her head in his hands and pulled her to him the rest of the way.

The quick action made her gasp, leading him to slide his tongue into her mouth and elicit a soft moan from her.

Next thing she knew, she was straddling Fez on the lush couch. Her dress tight enough to rise to her upper thighs. She wrapped her arms around his neck, resting on his shoulders as she combed her fingers in his hair. Something she was never able to really do before.

Fez moved a hand to the back of her head, fisting a handful of hair only rough enough to cause her to moan once more. His other hand traveled to her lower back, making her arch toward him. He tilted her head back and began leaving a trail of kisses and small nips down her neck to her now prominent chest.

Fez noted from the moment he first saw her how much she matured in the last six years, filling out more than she was before. And he loved every bit of it.

A sudden knock on the door caused Lexi and Fez to freeze. Lexi scrambling from his lap. She readjusted her dress and hair as Fez went to check who interrupted them.

“What the fuck do you want?” He asked, Lexi noticed it was the young man from earlier that Fez had been talking to. Only now realizing that it was Ash, all grown up.

Ash looked behind Fez and saw her, “Holy shit, is that Lexi?”

“I asked, what the fuck do you want?” Fez reiterated, growing impatient. Wanting to get back to the girl he once let go, but now she was just within reach.

“Some dickheads started fighting in the lot,” Ash informed him.

“Fuck,” Fez turned back to Lexi. She looked so beautiful. Her kiss swollen lips and mussed up hair, “Give me a second. Go handle it until I get there,” Ash nodded, giving a quick glance to Lexi before leaving.

Fez came back to where Lexi was sat, squatting down in front of her, running a hand up and down her calf, “I gotta go deal with some assholes. You gonna stay for a bit or do you have to go?”

Lexi glanced at her phone.

12:30 a.m.

“I can stay for a little while longer,” she said softly. She watched as his blue eyes crinkled with his smile.

“I’ll be back in fifteen,” he gave her a quick kiss before rushing out the door.

When the door shut, Lexi threw herself back on the couch before squealing.

This desk has changed everything.

ig: rhiharper

~Anime inspired moodboard~

If you are finding it difficult to focus and be productive (like me) then here is your inspiration. Now go study:D

Storytime:

One time (awhile back) this boy and I were talking. I had already had a few warning bells go off with this guy, but I had ignored them because he seemed like a perfect match on paper.

Now this boy, let’s call him Bob, was also a writer. So one day Bob and I were talking about our perspective stories that were in progress and Bob decided he had a big problem with one of mine. Ya see, in this particular story my main character is unapologetically a murderer even though she is the “good guy.” Bob is NOT here for it. He informs me that NO reader will ever be able to enjoy this story. At all. His reasoning being: people do not like bad guys.

After Bob informs me that I should shelf this story, I point out that his argument is pretty inaccurate. In fact, violent/morally-gray protagonists are some of the most celebrated characters in fiction. Some of the examples I gave were Edmund Dante, Roland Deschain, and heck even Dexter.

Bob then explains that while he understands my “confusion,” those characters are different. You see, the previously mentioned characters are okay because they are guys***. Apparently, male characters can be morally ambiguous in their pursuit of something greater, but female characters cannot.

I then bring up characters such as Daenerys Targaryen, Becky Sharp, and Carrie, who are all protagonists but at times they commit morally ambiguous/to downright wicked actions. And spoiler alert, people still love them (even if they think they are “bad people”). Bob then interrupts me to let me know I am missing the point: nobody, especially a male audience (he made sure to emphasize that point), will accept a murderous female character as a good guy because it is simply “not believable.” Women apparently can either be bad or good.

He cautioned me, A WOMAN, to not misunderstand women in my writing. He also told me, a person who studies literature academically, that I might need to do more research into what a “protagonist” really is and what the main character should represent.

Anyway, I ended the conversation. The next day Bob asked me out. I said no. Bob then told me I was a “self-absorbed slut just like the rest of them.”

And that children, is why you NEVER ignore warning bells.

in honor of midnight sun coming out today, I will be scanning my personal copy that is supposed to be here today and will upload it to a Google Doc for free sharing use.

you know it’s crazy to me that men will watch porn, pay websites for premium content, even seek out content that shows men harming women, and then, when a woman capitalizes on her own sexuality, men get mad and criticize her. god forbid women profit off of their own bodies.  it’s funny how men are quick to click on photos of naked women, follow pornographic accounts on social media, “like” pictures of big boobs and butts, but when a woman sells her own nudes on OnlyFans, it’s a problem. just say you hate women and go! say you’re a misogynist WITH YOUR CHEST  stop liking those pics, then. you’re consuming the content, and want it for free? nah  women grow up in a society that constantly commodifies their sexuality. it’s inherent in so many facets of life, especially marketing and advertising. if you haven’t seen the documentary “Miss Representation,” you should. companies have literally advertised BURGERS with a woman who’s barely wearing a bikini. WAP is my jam. it empowers women by serving as a representation of strong, independent women having control of their own sexuality. i used to debate people who criticized nicki minaj for this same reason. if it’s such “vulgar” behavior, why weren’t these salty men calling out lil wayne for saying “i aint never seen an ass like hers, that pussy in my mouth had me lost for words,” or when juicy j, lil wayne and 2 chainz said “if yo girl don’t swallow kids, man that ho basic, got two bitches with me, take a shot at one ho, using her friend for a chaser.” not even when 2 chainz rapped out date raping a woman! “put molly all in her champagne, she aint even know it, i took her home and i enjoyed that, she aint even know it.” the double standard is appalling. so it’s okay to objectify women and rap about raping them, but when a woman raps about her own pussy, it’s suddenly an issue? that’s the message these critics are sending. stop feigning concern about “vulgar” lyrics. 

ah, I better spend the quarantine somewhere in the small town in the south of France or Italy, bake bread, sunbathe on the balcony and live with my loved one

p.s: photos are not mine! If you know the owner, write me, please!

the only thing hannibal kills is my phone battery bc i have to watch this show at full brightness and even then i cant see what’s happening

hannibal creators really had the audacity to make the title screen pure white when the rest of the show looks like it was filmed on a set in a dungeon with maybe three lightbulbs total

06OCT2019 SUN

Study hour: 5H59M

I have been watching the documentary “ #Explained ” on Netflix recently. The episode about #Anxiety and #Mindfulness really inspired me and remind me how much I used to enjoy meditation. I have difficulties to feel my emotions or connect with my inner-self. It is really hard for me to know how stress or exhausted I am. Sometimes, I have a sudden breakdown, couldn’t tell others why I am upset because I literally have no idea why. Daily meditation is definitely necessary for my final year

what I really love about Fran Fine as a character is that in any other show she would be the comic relief, a two-dimensional bit character who makes occasional appearances and has zero character growth or plot relevance (kinda like Janice from Friends tbh).

But in The Nanny, she is the heroine! A brassy, bold, Jewish girl with a loud voice, working-class accent, and “tacky” clothes. And she always stays true to her roots, never abandoning her family or toning down her look to be more accepted with the uppercrust. Maxwell is the one who lets her into his life and changes his staid, buttoned-up traditional ways after falling in love with the nanny. She is not an MPDG either, the show focuses on her journey and her growth. 

That is really beautiful to me.

This is literally the same

mountains and mountains of books and headaches

Golden lockscreens

Reblog or like if you save, follow me for more lockscreens! 🌸 • Check out my shop ✨

studying for my exams next week! trying to make some flashcards

𝟐𝟐/𝟏𝟎𝟎 𝐝𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐝𝐮𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐭𝐲

Today was a relaxing day given the state of the past few days. I stayed in my dorm primarily working on philosophy as well as explored the city a bit.

100 DAYS OF PRODUCTIVITY [44/100] 3.6.19 - Noveltea

I have a day off work today and lately I’ve been really motivated to continue writing my book so I’ve been doing that today!

university is also just *rereads email wording for twenty minutes* *pdfs* *waits for bus* *lofi beats* *bounces leg* *forgets student card* *forgets laptop charger* *forgets lab coat* *refreshes email* *tupperware* *prints something* *stares at wall for ten minutes before getting out of bed* *makes tea* *waits for appointment* *daydreams on bus* *climbs stairs* *stares at google calendar* *almost gets hit by bike* *recycles*

I have fallen in love with the Tully’s Coffee we have on campus. I’m studying there twice a week now, I’ve even befriended the barista.

am i still alive? debatable. look at that (low res ik) dumbbell nebula tho

I love my university, our beautiful libraries and I am so grateful that I can study here