Maylambb - ★Ash★

Oracle (dazed): Okay, like, you just take a turn left and... ummmmm... got it?

Red Hood (on comms): That was a completed sentence.

Oracle (pushing her fingers together to see an image): It wasn't was it? I'm hungry. Let me get up. Oh, I can’t stand!

Oracle cackled while keeping her finger pressed on the communication button, allowing everyone on patrol to hear her.

Spoiler: Oh God, she's been Jokerized! Oracle, hang in there!

Nightwing: Oracle, did you buy those brownies after I told you it’d be a bad idea?

Oracle (balancing a pen on her finger): Yeppers, and I ate both bars! And I feel gooood! YEAH!

Red Hood (figuring out what was in the brownies): Oh my God, you ate two! You’re not coming down from that high for a while.

Oracle: Then I will ride the wave! Weeee!

Oracle spun in her wheelchair while cackling. Harper looked up from her tablet, laughing softly as she prepared to take over the controls since Barbara was definitely sitting this one out.

Nightwing: I told you those brownies weren’t worth it!

Oracle: You’re not my man; you can’t tell me what to do!

Robin (Damian): I’m confused about what brownies she ate that are making her this stupid.

Batman: Can someone take her off the computer?!

Oracle: You’re not my supervisor, you unsalted oatmeal, glutton for punishment, Star Wars prequel enjoying ninny!

The others went silent as Oracle giggled while resting her head on the desk.

Batman (clenching his teeth): Take her off the comms or I'm about to say a whole lot of mean things.

Harper: All right, just going to take over for ya, pal. Just eat the Cheetos I brought.

Oracle: Awesome!

Oracle rolled over to a small table she had set up while Harper took over.

Harper: She should be fine in a few hours and probably regret a lot of what she’s done. I think the brownies she bought were filled with a lot more than cannabis. This is Gotham, so I don't doubt it.

Robin: Oh, she’s intoxicated! Just give her some water and a toy, that’s how we handle Father.

Batman: You do what now?

Bruce is a chronic napper

He loves taking naps. Go into his study, the library, the indoor pool. Doesn’t matter, he’ll find some place to take a quick nap

As funny as the whole Dad snore headcannon is, I think Bruce is a quiet and light sleeper

You won’t even notice he’s in the room as he naps.

Over the years, the batfamily has gotten pretty good at guessing where he’s napping. If they aren’t tracking him down for a particular reason it’s mostly to nap with him

Damian loves curling up on his father’s chest (looking like a cute kitten, but he resents that so don’t say anything). He says he's just protecting Bruce's vital organs but no one believes him. They have the same sleeping face and it’s adorable.

Dick also loves curling up on Bruce’s chest. Thank the lord Bruce is still significantly bigger than him. It always reminds him of when it was just the two of them, back when he was smaller and Bruce could still protect him against the world.

Jason can no longer curl up on Bruce’s chest so he settles for nestling himself in Bruce’s side. He always tells himself that he’ll be out before Bruce wakes up, but he always falls asleep, and the next thing he knows Bruce has his arm wrapped around him and he can’t escape. Not that he wants to

Tim likes to finish up easy cases right next to Bruce. Despite their turbulent time working together as Batman and Robin, he still finds a lot of comfort in Bruce. He can breeze through the easy cases and then shut his eyes for a bit with his dad.

Cass is always there. When she gets there, no one knows. But she always brings a blanket so it’s much appreciated. She’s the one that naps with Bruce the most, other than Ace.

Alfred likes to sit and just watch Bruce breathe. It’s comforting to know that he’s still alive after years of close calls.

Damian Wayne: Future Gay Disaster for Jonathan Kent

Listen. LISTEN. Damian Wayne is so obviously going to grow up gay for Jon Kent that it’s almost embarrassing how no one in the Batfamily is ready for it.

Like, imagine teenage Damian—still all sharp edges, broody glares, and definitely still carrying a sword at inappropriate times—trying to process the fact that his best friend is also absurdly perfect, stupidly strong, and unfairly nice to him at all times.

It starts subtle. Jon smiles at him a little too brightly? Damian short-circuits. Jon picks him up once during a mission? Damian enters a silent existential crisis and has to sit in the Batcave for three hours just thinking about it.

Tim figures it out first. He watches Damian refuse to insult Jon for a full five minutes and just mutters, "Oh my god. He’s doomed."

Dick tries to give Damian the "So You Like Boys?" talk, only for Damian to pull out a 12-page essay on how love is a weakness. But the next day, Jon says one (1) vaguely affectionate thing, and suddenly Damian is on a rooftop at 3 AM whispering “Love is a weakness… love is a weakness…” like he’s trying to cast a spell and make it true.

Meanwhile, Jon? Completely oblivious. Sunshine golden retriever energy, just happy to be there. This boy could literally cradle Damian in his arms while flying him across the city, and he’d just be like, “Best friend privileges!” Meanwhile, Damian is holding on for dear life like, "This is where I die. He smells like fresh air and goodness. This is the end."

Eventually, when Damian does realize his feelings, it’s going to be a full Batfamily event. Jason is taking bets. Tim is smug. Dick is way too excited. And Bruce? He’s just staring at Clark across the table, already regretting everything.

TL;DR: Damian is going to grow up, look at Jon Kent, and have the worst gay panic of his life. And it’s going to be hilarious.

Love the idea of the Batfamily showing a serious, united front whenever they’re working with the Justice League (i.e., obeying Bruce’s orders without question or defaulting to Dick’s authority, following Bruce’s comm protocol, upholding expected field etiquette, coordinating with one another with terrifying efficiency, and generally just not fucking around), but then the minute they get back to the Cave they immediately start to throw hands over who gets to use the PS5.

the girls are gone, send help

  ‧̥˚̩̩̥͙·  shorts deco  symbols   ‧̥˚̩̩̥͙·

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𓇼˖ * ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀❀ ꒰͡ ͜ Ï ͜ ͡꒱⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ꣖ ີ ꣓      

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ᣟ݂ ✩͏⚹︎ᣟ݂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ིιྀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ྀᖭ༏ᖫི

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✢ ♡ ્᭄͜͡  ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀♡⃞ ✴ ⠀✿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⍰ ⠀✧

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𝅘𝅥𝅮⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⃘໋۟ ▩ུ⃨ 𝜗⃨̃۟. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ᮫͙𓐩ꦿࣳੁᩧ

punkflower where hobie likes to crochet in his spare time bcs it keeps his hands busy; he does it while he’s daydreaming and it’s great! it’s fun! it’s relaxing!

the problem is that he can’t stop making things related to miles.

he picks up his hook and when he looks down again he’s made a little crochet spider in red and black. he doesn’t even remember reaching for the colours.

he tries again a few days later and by the time he realises he’s daydreaming about miles’s face and miles’s hair and miles’s smile, he’s already nearly done with a loose-knit navy cardigan. he ties it off temporarily and tries it even though he already has a feeling it won’t fit properly, and he’s right.

it’s too short on him.

because he’d subconsciously made it to miles’s measurements that he’d eyeballed.

fuck.

he finishes it anyway, passes it to miles all nonchalant just to get it off his hands and off his mind but the next time they hang out miles is wearing it and hobie has to stand in the corner with his mouth shut before he puts his foot in it, because the cardigan fits perfectly and if he talks he’s absolutely going to embarrass himself. miles is laughing with his head thrown back and hobie desperately wants to kiss him.

but obviously he can’t, so he crochets more instead and it gets even worse. he’s burning through his red and blue yarn like paper; he’s made headphone accessories, keychains, beanies, a whole collection of loose-knit tops bcs he can’t get the image of miles wearing the first one out of his head.

it’s ridiculous and he drives himself up the wall with it, but he gives them to miles anyway and says they’re just practice pieces until gwen and pav ambush him in his flat and yell at him to finally fucking confess or they’ll do it for him, bcs miles is decked out in swag knitwear and they keep getting stopped on the street by strangers asking where he gets his clothes and you know what he says?

he says they’re just his friend’s test pieces. with a sad little smile.

and hobie can’t stand it anymore, because he practically CUSTOM-MADE everything, test pieces his ass. he opens a portal right to miles’s room and his heart squeezes when he sees that miles is in one of the sweaters he made, cream-coloured with a maroon star on the front, a little green knitted sprout tied to his headphones on top of his head.

miles slams his sketchbook shut, blushing like he’s been caught, and hobie walks right up to him and says, “they weren’t practice pieces.”

miles blinks at him, still clearly flustered. “o…kay?”

he soldiers on. “i made them for ya. with you in mind. by accident.” see? he opens his mouth and puts his bloody foot in it IMMEDIATELY. he fumbles to do some damage control but miles is smiling crookedly, pulling his headphones off.

“you handmade me enough things to fill half my closet… by accident.”

“yeah.”

hobie has to force himself to breathe because miles is standing up and then they’re kissing and every damn thought gets wiped clean out of his brain.

“was that by accident too?” miles asks, close enough that hobie can smell the cocoa butter he uses on his skin, something warm tucked beneath his wry smirk and hobie wants to kiss it off his damn mouth, so he does.

(afterwards, they tumble down to dinner grinning like fools. miles’s parents don’t question, and they miss gwen and pav fist-bumping just outside the window.)

I was today years old when I learned that when you type “otp: true” in AO3 search results it filters out fics with additional ships, leaving only the fics where your otp is the main ship

Keeping up with the Waynes

(Mission Report)

Bruce: So, let me get this straight. Lex Luthor was in Gotham.

Damian: Yes.

Bruce: And you found him.

Damian: Yes.

Bruce: And confronted him.

Damian: Yes.

Bruce: And you found out that he was doing experiments with Kryptonite serum on puppies?

Damian: Yes.

Bruce: So you got mad. And then?

Damian: And then I shot him in the ass five times as he ran from my sword like a coward.

Bruce: Where did you get a gun?

Jason: To be fair, that was a completely valid response to a report of tortured puppies.

Bruce: Oh.