The Girls Are Gone, Send Help

bruce would be fucking HILARIOUS in his idgaf era just imagine:

bruce: come home

jason: what? so you can throw me in--

bruce: no, just come home. i want you home, so come home.

jason: i'm not fallin for this shit!

bruce: i no longer care about all of *points between himself and jason* this mess. i want to go home, play monopoly with my kids and be mad about the lot of you cheating. that is what i want, so that is what will happen.

jason: you're being ridiculous.

bruce: frankly, i dont give a fuck. now, what piece do you want, the hat or the car?

jason:....

bruce:.....

jason: the car.

bruce: fantastic, be home in 10.

He was a punk she did ballet: ❌

He and she are both punks and have a crush on a same art baby: ✅

"Kamala Harris raised 50+ million dollars after Biden dropped out!" you fools.... that's the money she got from selling Biden to One Direction :(

I have this headcanon that Duke is like… the only person who can shit talk Damian to his face and everyone else is flabbergasted bc like- its damian, but Duke lives with the guy and actually has no chill, so Damian allows it because… Duke’s like… his closest brother because they live together.. like-

Damian: *scowling around at people at a very important social event* Dick: *trying to get him to smile* Duke: *flatly, snaps his fingers twice in Damian’s direction* Fix your face Critter Dick: *ready to hold Damian back if he attacks* Damian: *bats Duke’s hand away, but smooths out his expression and almost looks… normal* ~ Duke and Jason: *having a discussion* Damian: *walks in* D+J: *laugh* Damian: What am I missing? Duke: *without missing a beat* a few inches of height Jason: *agog* Damian: *rolls eyes* ~ Robin: I need to get to the top of that wall Signal: You do? Damn. Thats a shame. *whistles* Damian: *scowling* Duke: Do you have something to ask, short stack? Dick: *ready to intervene on Duke’s behalf* Damian: *through gritted teeth*  Could you help me up the wall, Signal? Please. Duke: *smirks. Yeets him up* Dick: *gagged* Bruce: *used to it, sighs*

Saiki has a little sister au, part 5: SPIDER AAAAAA [FULL COMIC UNDER THE CUT]

prev - next?

Has Bruce ever packed the kids lunch when Alfred wasn't there? How'd it go?

[Wayne Enterprises]

Tim: Finally, time for my break.

Tim: *opens his mini fridge*

*dozens of apples fall out*

———————

[the library]

Steph: *chugs a gallon of milk*

Cass: *bites into a bread loaf*

Barbara: I'm not even gonna ask.

———————

[day patrol]

Duke: *opens his lunchbox*

Duke: *sighs*

Duke: *pulls out his bat-skillet*

Duke: *cracks an egg* *cracks an egg* *cracks an egg* *cracks an egg—*

———————

[West-Reeve Middle School]

Damian: Kent, I will trade you your cupcake for this head of lettuce.

Jon: ...

Jon: Deal.

———————

[Bludhaven]

Jason: Bruce packed our lunches. He said we're supposed to share.

Jason: *hands him a bag*

Dick: What'd you get?

Jason: A frozen turkey. You?

Dick: *opens it*

*fire alarm goes off*

some jasons and damians thats been piling up :]

(and tim and alfred the cat)

This thing i've made, with the barbie movie trend...

I think more people need to play around with Damian's speech. Don't get me wrong, I love the antiquated Victorian child style of speech, but also he's a teenager that swears plenty in the comics. We really need more scenes like:

Damian: Father, I regret to inform you that I have been assigned in-school suspension for the next three days.

Bruce: What, why?!

Damian: My classmate Kevin was disparaging a female classmate for turning him down, so I called him 'a rizz-less, basic-ass neckbeard bitch' and said I was going to fuck his mom and give her a son she'd actually love.

Bruce: *is completely speechless*

Damian: That is all I needed to tell you. If you will excuse me, I have homework to complete before dinner and patrol.

Oracle (dazed): Okay, like, you just take a turn left and... ummmmm... got it?

Red Hood (on comms): That was a completed sentence.

Oracle (pushing her fingers together to see an image): It wasn't was it? I'm hungry. Let me get up. Oh, I can’t stand!

Oracle cackled while keeping her finger pressed on the communication button, allowing everyone on patrol to hear her.

Spoiler: Oh God, she's been Jokerized! Oracle, hang in there!

Nightwing: Oracle, did you buy those brownies after I told you it’d be a bad idea?

Oracle (balancing a pen on her finger): Yeppers, and I ate both bars! And I feel gooood! YEAH!

Red Hood (figuring out what was in the brownies): Oh my God, you ate two! You’re not coming down from that high for a while.

Oracle: Then I will ride the wave! Weeee!

Oracle spun in her wheelchair while cackling. Harper looked up from her tablet, laughing softly as she prepared to take over the controls since Barbara was definitely sitting this one out.

Nightwing: I told you those brownies weren’t worth it!

Oracle: You’re not my man; you can’t tell me what to do!

Robin (Damian): I’m confused about what brownies she ate that are making her this stupid.

Batman: Can someone take her off the computer?!

Oracle: You’re not my supervisor, you unsalted oatmeal, glutton for punishment, Star Wars prequel enjoying ninny!

The others went silent as Oracle giggled while resting her head on the desk.

Batman (clenching his teeth): Take her off the comms or I'm about to say a whole lot of mean things.

Harper: All right, just going to take over for ya, pal. Just eat the Cheetos I brought.

Oracle: Awesome!

Oracle rolled over to a small table she had set up while Harper took over.

Harper: She should be fine in a few hours and probably regret a lot of what she’s done. I think the brownies she bought were filled with a lot more than cannabis. This is Gotham, so I don't doubt it.

Robin: Oh, she’s intoxicated! Just give her some water and a toy, that’s how we handle Father.

Batman: You do what now?