Bruce walks into the kitchen one day at breakfast and sticks a golden star right on Dick’s forehead.
Silence overtakes all of his kids as they stare incredulously because what the actual fuck??
“B?” Dick questioned warily, going crossed eyed as he tried to stare at the star in his forehead.
“Congratulations Dickie, you have successfully made only five death threats to individuals this entire week.” Bruce said solemnly, patting Dick on the head before turning to face his other children.
“Unfortunately, I will not be giving out any more gold stars.” Bruce’s eyes gazed at his children, particularly staying on Jason and Damian for a second longer than anyone else’s.
“Wha-? What about me??” Duke protested, throwing down his fork, a small splatter of syrup splashing onto the new wood varnish.
Bruce raised an eyebrow. “Duke, I’m Batman.”
“Right.” Duke muttered, slumping back down in his chair. “Stupid pickpocketers, next time I’ll make sure they can’t squeal.”
“Father! I demand a recount!” Damian’s chair squeaked loudly as he shot up from it, his small face set in a stubborn frown so similar to Bruce’s. “Grayson made two death threats to thugs on patrol yesterday.”
“Fucking tattle tale!” Duck hissed, grabbing his forehead and scampering away from Bruce, just in case he tried to take away his good star.
Bruce nodded and looked thoughtful. “Hmm, seven death threats… I’ll allow it. However, seven has become the cap in order to get a gold star.”
“One for everyday of the week!” Jason grinned, his eyes zeroing in on a barely awake Tim. “And since I’m long past the threshold…” Bruce slapped him on the back of the head, making him curse.
Cass tugs on Bruce’s sleeve and points to herself, the silent question very loud. “No Cass, your whole existence is a threat but also Stephanie likes to talk.”
Cass clicks her tongue and sits back down, phone already in hand, probably texting Stephanie about her betrayal.
“Looks like Dick is winning.” Bruce stated, suppressing a smirk as all of his kids heads whipped around and stared at him. Of course they would take the bait, there were as competitive as he was.
Even Tim now looked mostly aware of what was happening.
“It’s a new week, good luck.” Bruce nodded, walking out of the dining room, a grin breaking out across his face as the room erupted with noise.
Saw a m3m3
They’re 100% talking smack about Kuniharu.
I love Amp ❤
some things never change :3
I literally never considered the whole Batman being called 'B' and then reporting back to 'A' but now that you've mentioned it, I'm obsessed with the idea. I mean, imagine meeting Batman, seeing him in the field, how hard he fights, only for him to report back to 'A'. Especially if you hear how people who've met A talk about him, like:
Batman: I'll give you each 10k if you don't tell A that I busted my shoulder
Nightwing: Sorry B, you're on your own
Red Hood: Hell no cheapskate, I wouldn't do it for 100k
Superman: I don't want to get on A's bad side :(
there's things that the JL have "heard" about A that only make him even scarier (some of these I compiled from the other post):
uses lethal force even when B won't
never leaves Gotham, like some kind of mafia don
has the ability to punish B and/or remove him from active field service
A's urgent requests take priority, even above the JL. B zetas down to Gotham without asking a single follow up question, he just goes
"You think B is bad about [thing], A is even worse." -- a sentence said jokingly by many a Batkid, over the years
...
Tim: "See when I can focus directly on a case with no interruptions, my success rate goes up exponentially." (Hasn't slept in 56 hrs.)
Damian: "Statistics don't lie"
Tim: "Statistics don't lie"
...
Damian: "When I adopt more animals, it makes me happy, and if I'm happy, I work better with a team."
Tim: "And you help an animal that needs a home."
Damian: "EXACTLY!"
Tim: "If anything, its irresponsible to let them roam the streets as strays."
Damian: "That's what I said!"
...
Tim: "So one of the executives of this firm has been stealing some stuff, but unfortunately, he also has the resources and status to get him off the hook with a light sentence. Which sucks."
Damian: "What if you add a more serious crime to up the charges?"
Tim: "...That is GENIUS! I have dozens of cold cases that I've solved, but the culprits have already died! Im sure one of them could easily pass as him! "
Damian: "I can help if you need any evidence planted."
Tim: "Sure thing! I'll let you know when i find the right felony to give him!"
...
Dick: "At least they're having fun and getting along?"
Bruce: "This is not better. Stop trying to pretend this is better."
Clark: Bruce are you okay?? Your heartbeat is going crazy do I need to call someone?
Bruce: hm (negative)
Clark: Bruce how long has it been since you slept
Bruce: hn (neutral)
Clark, eyes narrowed: Bruce.
Bruce: 2
Clark: Two, what? Two days?
Bruce: hm….. (negativ)
Clark: TWO WEEKS?
Bruce:
Clark: HOW ARE YOU EVEN STILL ALIVE
Bruce: I’m not alive. I’m Batman
Clark:
Travesty: the anime only let Saiki keep his sweater paws for one scene this episode
So much stolen
They stole a bit of his coziness 😭
this is Jason in every single fucking universe when he had the chance to kill bruce
tfw ur uhhh """"partner""" uno reverses your kabedon
Damians Lore Drops have to be incredible. And a little horrifying.
Because Damian just does these insane, incredible things and then goes on with his life.
It's a trait he shares with most of his family, but Damian just tells them the most insane things about himself over breakfast on a Thursday in a bored tone like he didn't just admit to that time he and Jon fought a gun touting Batman Tim Drake from the Future. Or that he died at least twice in a murder tournament and told no one! They thought it was a regular fighting tournament.
Imagine he is arguing with Jason, and Jason threatens to make his life hell over the last pancake, and Damian just replies,'been there, done that, it was not very pleasant.' And it's not quippy or anything, just serious and little haunted. Jason freezes, Damian eats the pancake, AND THEN HE GOES ABOUT HIS DAY AND REFUSES TO ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS.
Like Damian has a lot of weird skills, especially for a kid. The entire batfam does, but like Damian canonically built a flying batmobile at ten like it was a Lego set.
Imagine Dick or Bruce saying that they wished that they had this ultra specific imaginary device, and a few days later, Damian hands it to them completely unprompted. They ask how and why, and Damian admits to having the equivalent to multiple high levels degrees in engineering and mechanics at like, age six, and he would have done more, but his mother killed the tutor.
Dick asks what else he's learnt, but the list is so weird and varied it leaves him shook. Who makes a nine year old study Business Management and Finance?? (This is also cannon)
Then there's the weird people and animals Damian seemingly collects. How does everyone react to Goliath? How do they find out about WIGGLES? Why does he have so many friends they have never heard of, and why are so many of them old enemies of Bruce's he met on the murder island? When did you get a cousin? Why did you punch Green Arrow? Huh? Fair.
Wtf Bruce, you let him keep the monkey??
Damian isn't used to communicating anything, so 90 per cent of what they know about him is what he deems revelvant at the time. Like, oh, Ras used to lock him in a box regularly so he knows how to escape this trap. Cool.
Oh, they can't understand a man they are questioning, Don't worry, Damian knows that language.
Oh no, they need voice access to get into this super secret base. Damian can mimic anyone.
Do you need help identifying this very rare mineral? Damian, I could have a PhD. in Geology by now if the tutor survived my mom, has got you.
He drives like an F1 racer and can manage lorry sized vehicles at 13. Studied magic just so he can use some spells in emergencies.
He just doesn't say anything until he needs to.
I think he is like that the rest of his life, though. Like his family starts to expect the weird shit all of them do, and at this point, very little surprises them .
Until Damian starts to date Jon and says nothing.
He just comes to the Manor one day with a baby and proceeds to introduce Bruce to his granddaughter. All happy and completely normal.
Meanwhile, Bruce is having a heart attack and asks who her mother is?
Damian explains how Talia grew her in a tube for him and Jon as a wedding gift. Bruce almost dies from choking on his own spit.
Talia grew him a baby? And since when are you married? And to Jon? Why does Talia know before him? Oh God, he and Clark are in laws.
i was born for loving you