Damian: Father Is Going To Curse You Out, So I’ll Ask. Can We Have The Scroll?

Damians Lore Drops have to be incredible. And a little horrifying.

Because Damian just does these insane, incredible things and then goes on with his life.

It's a trait he shares with most of his family, but Damian just tells them the most insane things about himself over breakfast on a Thursday in a bored tone like he didn't just admit to that time he and Jon fought a gun touting Batman Tim Drake from the Future. Or that he died at least twice in a murder tournament and told no one! They thought it was a regular fighting tournament.

Imagine he is arguing with Jason, and Jason threatens to make his life hell over the last pancake, and Damian just replies,'been there, done that, it was not very pleasant.' And it's not quippy or anything, just serious and little haunted. Jason freezes, Damian eats the pancake, AND THEN HE GOES ABOUT HIS DAY AND REFUSES TO ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS.

Like Damian has a lot of weird skills, especially for a kid. The entire batfam does, but like Damian canonically built a flying batmobile at ten like it was a Lego set.

Imagine Dick or Bruce saying that they wished that they had this ultra specific imaginary device, and a few days later, Damian hands it to them completely unprompted. They ask how and why, and Damian admits to having the equivalent to multiple high levels degrees in engineering and mechanics at like, age six, and he would have done more, but his mother killed the tutor.

Dick asks what else he's learnt, but the list is so weird and varied it leaves him shook. Who makes a nine year old study Business Management and Finance?? (This is also cannon)

Then there's the weird people and animals Damian seemingly collects. How does everyone react to Goliath? How do they find out about WIGGLES? Why does he have so many friends they have never heard of, and why are so many of them old enemies of Bruce's he met on the murder island? When did you get a cousin? Why did you punch Green Arrow? Huh? Fair.

Wtf Bruce, you let him keep the monkey??

Damian isn't used to communicating anything, so 90 per cent of what they know about him is what he deems revelvant at the time. Like, oh, Ras used to lock him in a box regularly so he knows how to escape this trap. Cool.

Oh, they can't understand a man they are questioning, Don't worry, Damian knows that language.

Oh no, they need voice access to get into this super secret base. Damian can mimic anyone.

Do you need help identifying this very rare mineral? Damian, I could have a PhD. in Geology by now if the tutor survived my mom, has got you.

He drives like an F1 racer and can manage lorry sized vehicles at 13. Studied magic just so he can use some spells in emergencies.

He just doesn't say anything until he needs to.

I think he is like that the rest of his life, though. Like his family starts to expect the weird shit all of them do, and at this point, very little surprises them .

Until Damian starts to date Jon and says nothing.

He just comes to the Manor one day with a baby and proceeds to introduce Bruce to his granddaughter. All happy and completely normal.

Meanwhile, Bruce is having a heart attack and asks who her mother is?

Damian explains how Talia grew her in a tube for him and Jon as a wedding gift. Bruce almost dies from choking on his own spit.

Talia grew him a baby? And since when are you married? And to Jon? Why does Talia know before him? Oh God, he and Clark are in laws.

Vicki Vale: Mr. Wayne are you Batman?

Bruce Wayne: What is a “Bat man?”

—

Vicki Vale: Mr. Drake are you Red Robin?

Tim Drake: Like the restaurant?

—

Vicki Vale: So Cassandra, are you Orphan?

Cassandra Cain: No I’m not an orphan. I have a dad.

—

Vicki Vale: Mr. Thomas are you Signal?

Duke Thomas: Am I what?

Vicki Vale: Are you the Bat Signal?

Duke Thomas: That is the stupidest question I’ve ever been asked.

—

Vicki Vale: Damian, are you Robin?

Damian Wayne: Tt, I am not a bird. Are you well, Ms. Vale? I’m concerned for your mental state.

Jason doesn't get to announce his revival dramatically because Talia decides to be petty (she is her father's daughter, alright) and randomly sends Jason's photo with little Damian to Bruce in a random Monday.

Bruce: (minding his business)

Talia, messaging in the middle of the day: Beloved. Look at our beautiful sons.

Talia: (sends a photo of Jason reading little Damian a book while he drools)

Bruce, with his eye twitching: IS THAT JASON?

Bruce: SONS?

Bruce: TALIA?

Talia, turning her phone to Jason: A family photoshoot would ruin him completely. I'm just saying.

Jason, staring at the screen: ...

Jason: Call Ra's. We are doing the sweetest family photoshoot this world had ever seen. I need the old man to get a stroke.

Talia: ...I sense like I made some mistake here.

They ship printed photos of this photoshoot directly to Wayne Manor in the various copies. Jason brings little Damian to his father in a few weeks and announces that he himself will stay only for a short amount of time before returning to "grandpa Ra's." Bruce locks up all doors and forbids anyone from leaving it. .

i think... this is flirting.

Toddler Damian if he grew up with Bruce will constantly be put in air jail.

Running through the halls and knocking things over? Air jail but if it's Alfred he hooks him onto a coat rack.

Almost launches himself into the abyss of the Batcave? Air jail but jason swings him around.

Escapes into the chimpanzee exhibit at the zoo? Air jail by Bruce and they go home early.

It's so cute because toddlers in air jail kick their little feet petulantly and I imagine Damian twisting around really violently in air jail.

That's right. You better run.

Also damn y’all REALLY liked him huh

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Okay, don't get me wrong here. I LOVE Jurassic Park. I love seeing their dinosaurs. But after watching Prehistoric Planet, and going back to look at this...

And then looking at this...

Notice how much healthier the second set looks? Their lips cover their teeth, they actually have fat on their bodies, their skin doesn't wrinkle like they're dehydrated. You can't see every single tendon and muscle move because you aren't supposed to. Dinosaurs are animals, not reptilian body-builders.

THIS is the kind of change I want to see in how we create realistic depictions of not only dinosaurs, but all prehistoric creatures. Paleoart has always had a huge issue with shrink-wrapping and making these animals look terrifying instead of making them look like, well, animals.

Well done, BBC.

Something something, living rent free in my mind and such, anyway I love them.