The Sluttiest Thing A Character Can Be Is Crowley In A Turtleneck

#foreshadowing (insp)

MAGGOTS. GO. SLEEP.

Can't believe I'm doing this again but I know a lot of your timezones and I know MANY OF YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE AN AWAKE PERSON RIGHT NOW.

AND A LOT OF YOU, IT MAY BE DAYTIME BUT YOU'RE SLEEP DEPRIVED. MMHM. YOU AS WELL.

Yes, you, reading the fanfic, we've all been there, close the tab. It's something to wake up to and read in the morning or after your nap.

You watching the David Tennant video on youtube, hush now, close it. I can assure you that he will still be there when you wake up, more gender than ever. So will Michael Sheen.

You authors writing the fic, we love you for your effort but we need you to be healthy and alive okay? Same for you artists, yes, it looks beautiful, put it aside. You'll see it better after sleep. All you editors, too.

All of you. The science students, the musicians, the retail workers, the dreamers, the weirdos, the nurses, the doctors, the lovers, the oozing slugs through life folks, the zombies, the adults, the retired, the teenagers, all of you. Get some sleep.

If you cannot now, take a hug, or a smile if that's more comfortable. When you can, go to sleep.

When you can, shut your eyes, and I promise we will be waiting on the other side.

Here's all my love for you *hands it over carefully* there, it'll keep you safe while you dream.

they are actually so crowley and aziraphale

like hello

Imagine you just got a promotion. You are very excited, because you have been waiting for this for years and years. For the new position you are transferred to London and move into a very fancy company apartment in Mayfair.

Only to get there and find mail piling up on the doorstep, all the previous tenant’s weird furniture still there and this thing in the hallway:

Shax *on the phone with Crowley*: "So if the hot water isn't working which button do you have to press? And also: WHY IS THERE A STATUE OF YOU AND AZIRAPHALE DOING IT IN THE BLOODY HALLWAY?

Crowley: "It's art. Evil triumphing over good, actually."

Shax: "Are you kidding me? They are naked."

Crowley: "They are wrestling."

Shax: "Get that thing out of my flat. NOW!"

Crowley: "Nope." *hangs up*

remembering the time I tried to explain what good omens was to my art teacher when I animated crowley for my final project and when I said "the Bible but make it gay fanfic between the serpent of eden and guardian of the apple tree", this man perked up and said he would watch it immediately. it was a chill class where everyone just kind of worked with their headphones on and this guy just sat at his desk watching good omens for the rest of class.

a week later it somehow came up in conversation that he had finished the show. when I asked him what he thought he just went quiet then said "... you didn't warn me and I cried an embarrassing amount."

yeah dude thats normal over here welcome to the cult.

“I don’t even like you!”

Yeah. Okay.

In the warm light of the bookshop, Aziraphale adjusted his bowtie nervously, stealing glances at Crowley, who lounged on the worn-out sofa with a mischievous glint in his eyes. The clock ticked towards midnight, echoing the anticipation in the air.

As the final seconds of the year approached, Crowley smirked, "Fancy a new tradition angel?" And without waiting for a response, he closed the distance between them, capturing Aziraphale's lips in a soft, lingering kiss.

Time seemed to stand still as the world outside erupted into cheers and fireworks. In that stolen moment, amid the smell of old books and the warmth of each other, they found a timeless connection that transcended the turning of the calendar.

We all suspect that Crowley miracles the Bentley to never run out of fuel, yes? I mean, good for him. Paying for fuel? In this economy? I know he has a motherlode cheat at his fingertips, BUT Crowley is over financially supporting fossil fuels. Absolute king. It's not because he is lazy at all. Whatever do you mean "lazy"? *tsk*

Alas, I do believe he does anything else regarding the Bentley the human way.

Like, he washes it the human way. Carefully and methodically and with the best washing liquid thingy (idk. I've been trying to get my driver's license for over 2 years now. I obviously don't own a car and never washed one. I don't know what the shampoo for cars is called, okay? Judge all you want). He meticulously vacuums the interiors regularly even though he DOES NOT allow Aziraphale to eat inside. He takes off his jacket, pushes his sleeves up to his elbows, and waxes it by hand because she deserves it.

He pampers the Bentley like she is his princess because SHE IS. Only the best for the Bentley, nothing less. And you know what? He finds it hella relaxing. It's a bonding exercise with his baby and he wouldn't have it any other way.

I have read all the fanfictions in which Crowley Saved Kids Before the Flood in Mesopotamia 3004 BC and i think about it too much 😵

I have already written my own fanfic in my head and drew an illustration for it :“)