Some Time After

“Katniss is only focused on survival” yes? but … also … no? like, she’s willing to give her life away for the people she loves in a whole heartbeat that’s why she volunteers for Prim that’s why she takes out the nightlock it’s why she wants Peeta to win the Quell … Katniss IS a survivor that’s essential to her character, but she’s also deeply sacrificial

and while I’m on it, I find it ironic that Katniss was popularly portrayed as “I don’t have time for love, Peeta! I am fighting a war!” when in reality Mockingjay is just like a lot of Katniss going, “I don’t have time for this war: I want Peeta back!”

outrageous.

can relate.

heartbreaking. you have to write the fic youre writing in order for it to be written

what is a love story if not falling to your knees and pressing your shaking hands to his wound, as if the desperation of your heart could stem the blood pumping out of his; and what is a love story if not holding out a sticky-sweet handful of death to the greedy cameras; and what is a love story if not your one wish being to send her home, with all the reasons why hanging golden around your neck like a willingly-worn noose; and what is a love story if not hitching yourself to the puppet strings of politicians in a last ditch attempt to save each other across the miles; and what is a love story if not the ever- unspoken mantra “take my life: take it, take it, take it” — and what is a love story if not the burned and blistered realization that offering up your life is not enough, not quite, but that offering your lover’s life back to them might just be? so you plant her primroses in the ash, and you mend his mind with the thread of new memories, and it isn’t pretty, but it is a love story — because what else could it be?

so true

and we adore them for it

everlark has the silliest “we’re trying so hard to be a situationship but unfortunately we have been symbolically married since we were eleven” thing going on

I don’t think it’s that Haymitch loves Peeta more: it’s that Peeta is dissimilar enough to Haymitch that he’s easier to love.

Haymitch sees too much of himself in Katniss for her to be easy for him to love. Loving her might mean he is worthy of love and he has two decades of alcohol, guilt, and self loathing telling him otherwise.

Despite that, Haymitch loves Katniss anyways

make no mistake, I am well aware I am projecting onto both Ekko and Jinx like hell, I know...

and yet.

can't stop thinking about them.

like, imagine how he would cope with her loss. it's not that hard, there are some truly amazing fanfiction works that are exploring that topic, I am just offering you my spin, my musings that I keep leaving here instead of sitting down and writing my own fanfic.

how would he cope?

first, of course, comes the shock. just... an exhale, his chest caving in, hands trembling, tears ready to spill onto his cheeks —

and then - slam! — an imaginary metal wall drops down on him, cutting all feelings off, as if they are buzzing behind it, but Ekko can't access them anymore.

he needs to work. do something, solve something, save her someone, at least...

so he works.

there goes denial. there was no body, she may be alive, there was no body, so maybe she didn't suffer long when she died. he is fine, he is fine, he is fine, there is so much to do in Zaun, clearing out the streets, cleaning, burying, mourning, treating the injured, supporting others, overseeing the works, playing with kids, designing, inventing, building — he is freaking fine, there was no body found, so he's fine, he has no time to stop, he'll rest later, later because there's not anyone he can truly share the load with...

of course, they fucking took her from him.

of course, she fucking left. left Vi, left Sevika, damn her, left him.

she fucking left him.

alone.

to fend for himself — and everyone and everything else.

she stayed, she fought alongside him, she tinkered, ate, slept next to him — and still fucking left him!

alone!

again!

— so there comes anger

and makes everything even worse.

[tbc.]

Broke: "Katniss was only with Peeta because of their shared trauma of the Games and the events that followed. After what they went through together, there was no one who truly understood her like Peeta. But if Prim and Peeta had never been reaped, Katniss would have ended up with Gale/stayed single."

Woke: "The Games and the events that followed brought Katniss and Peeta together, but there was something special between them since the day with the bread. Katniss had a subconscious interest in him since they were 11, and after the reaping she couldn't help but fall for him due to their close proximity. The Games weren't her reason for choosing Peeta, but they were a catalyst for their relationship."

Bespoke: "The Games did more to hinder Katniss and Peeta's relationship than to help it. In fact, without the Games to complicate things, Katniss would have fallen for Peeta fast and hard. The Games and the events that followed were responsible for countless barriers to their love including (but not limited to):

1. Instilling in Katniss a distrust of Peeta that did not come naturally to her

2. Forcing her to act in love, regardless of the authenticity of her feelings, in order to survive

3. Broadcasting every moment they shared, no matter how intimate/private, onto every screen in every house in the country

4. Driving them apart due to the pain and confusion that followed the inevitable end of her "star-crossed lovers" act

5. Making their relationship a political tool of manipulation and oppression

6. Leading Snow to hold Katniss personally responsible for defusing the civil unrest within the Districts by means of their love story

7. Forcing them under threat of death to act in love for the rest of their lives, thereby taking away their agency and ability to choose each other out of real love or desire

8. Robbing them of a future together, even if they wanted it, by returning Katniss to the Games and ensuring the death of at least one of them

9. Traumatizing them in ways they'll have to deal with for the remainder of their lives

10. So many other things

The Hunger Games is NOT the story of how Katniss fell in love with Peeta due to or even during the Games. It's the story of how Katniss fell in love with Peeta IN SPITE OF THEM."

if the only thing you can vividly remember about what love feels like is just that it hurts, you start welcoming pain. chasing it, even.

right, Jinx?

right, Ekko?

*

after she slaps him to get him away, or else she'd jinx him, she never really looks at him. sweeps her gaze across him like a paintbrush, taunts, cocks her head on one side, feigning contemplation, fires at him (or does she, really?), fights him, follows him, spies on him, yet never looks at him.

not really.

not until the bridge.

not until she's sure she is going to die and the acid of vulnerability will never eat away her flesh in front of him, exposing how much she wanted to go back, back, back to where his hands were warm and gentle, just as his eyes.

she knows that for one glorious, excruciating moment, he sees her through. all that longing, pain, guilt, and exhaustion.

of course, he sees her.

of course, she doesn't die after. she is Jinx, after all.

she hates herself Ekko for that.

*

after she slaps him, something fractures in him, and he sucks in a breath, feeling how jagged edges of his broken heart pierce his lungs. she doesn't need him. Powder died, she said it herself, and Ekko repeats to himself, "Powder's dead, Powder's dead, dead." he says it to everyone, to the Firelights, to Scar, to Vi, who got back from the dead.

he looks at her anyway. he looks for her anyway.

eyes blue and mad, braids like snakes, clouds shifting along with her muscles. it's only to anticipate her attacks, he says, clutching his weapon with a sweaty hand.

the chasm in his chest throbs, mocking him.

he fails every time.

every time, until the bridge.

he feels the skin on his face tug as he smirks, his head buzzes, as do his hands, his legs, his stupid heart, hurting, squeezing, somewhere far away from his consciousness, hidden under layers and layers of old scars.

he looks at her and readies himself to throw a final punch and to finally make Jinx disappear so that he can, after all these years, bury his best friend.

and then he sees her. and his heart tugs, and he can't breathe - why is she looking at him like Powder did? why would she do that to him? -

he lowers his fist. doesn't relax his stupid hand that wants to wipe off the blood under her nose. it hurts so familiar, it's almost good.

of course, she decides to die right away.

of course, she steals it from him. she is Jinx, after all.

he misses hates her more for that.