Text Me Up Real Good Pls N Thx 😘

𝐒𝐇𝐄’𝐒 𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒 𝐍𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐕𝐘 𝐁𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐒. seoul nights grow hotter despite the chill of the running air conditioner and jina awakes with a fever start. it’s a gasp, a startle, star-dusted eyes and a mumbled curse that detaches her from the realm of sleep. her dreams fizzle to an end and her memory grows hazy. what had just happened never comes to and she finds herself disoriented as the darkness of the room fills her vision. seoul skylines do nothing to faze her, lights strung behind closed windows as jina looks around her room like she’s on display. feigned surprise at the stillness, the emptiness that decorated walls and pale pinks hold stare back at her and jina feels it deepen her reality. distracted eyes glance at looming red and the time fucks with her because she has an eight o’clock divination lecture tomorrow that she’s not looking forward to, at all, and she’s headed straight for raccoon eyes the size of mars. she’s parched, not looking forward to tomorrow and there’s a dull ache somewhere in her body that she wishes not to place. a sigh falls and she’s staring at the ceiling. 

it’s bothersome, the itch in her throat grows; the ache in her body dulls and she mulls over her options before swinging dainty feet off her bed; silk following suit as she replaces sheets with the fluff of her dolce slippers. they take her away, of a hallway of closed doors and dim lights. of silence and buzzing static at a different side of the home. her destination: kitchen -- where the stars actually take her: jungmi. the other’s words are warmth personified, made to wrap her in the lushest fabrics, of a love she longs for but never fully attains. but it’s enough -- it has to be because wanting for nothing never amounts for any good: jina would know. she knows this too well. she doesn’t say much, and jina never needs to -- not with jungmi. because jungmi has good sense, she has jina’s best intentions at heart -- for jina, jungmi is her salvation and without her, she is lost. for jina, she can let all the walls and tiresome dilemmas crash to her feet and the burden of teenage adolescent angst surface. what she toils, she effortlessly drops for jungmi to pick up the pieces because for jina, jungmi was always there to fix her when everything was lost. 

when there was no one left to put her back together again. 

so she hugs her tight, when knees sink into scattered papers and her footsteps leave blind prints; falling into an embrace as she digs her head into the other’s neck and feels the tears turn in her eyes. “jihye’s back,” she whispers against flawless skin, like an omen breathed to life. she feels the words take her back to stricken voices, a slap against skin and heated tears on her cheeks; she feels them and bites back a sharp breath.

to a glance it’s utter chaos, the sprawl of books and technology, from folders, to notebooks, her recorder and work laptop. but there’s a precise measure to this chaos ( she had began at her desk across the room and slowly but surely, ran out of room ) then again, if you’re a kwak currently living within the posh kwak condo jidam shelled out for, the sight of jungmi dispersed across any surface of the apartment she feels like ( often being a broad portion of ground in any given room ) isn’t abnormal. surrounded by her proliferation of work materials, with her reading glasses that seem to come with an extra feature, as she had never put them on before without her face immediately scrunching into a serious frown. as if they were equipped with a spell to turn jungmi’s expression sour with focus. a pencil on hand for scribbling ( not a pen; she had learned that lesson, when her idly habit of chewing on the ends while thinking too hard, had burst one before ) and a tape recorder shoved into the small pocket in the front breast pocket of her t-shirt. there’s a manic kind of calm about her, a humming bird at rest, bursts of movement in between the serenity and soft hum of concentration. 

whatever sound it is that originates from the door, she doesn’t even glance up. from her near yoga-like post, bent over at the waist as she scribbles down a messy scribble of heterogeneous thoughts, something to refine later, before it can escape her tired mind. “hmm?” she hums by way of a greeting, more of a question of why someone has come for her in the first place after she had shrieked across the house like a warning bell that she was going to start working hours earlier. she doesn’t even know which sibling it is, her gaze pinpointed intently at the hangul she scratches across the page in a mess, “unnie is working on something, sorry, gimme a sec,” she explains lightly as she finishes up her sentences and stretches, unwinds her spine out, throwing the pencil as she turns towards the door with an expectant ( admittedly soft, but drained and tight ) expression, “did you come to bug me?” she teases, twice as hard when it’s @mmjina she spots and everything sisterly and warm from within her sparks like a low light ( it had only gotten stronger since the disappearance and reappearance of jihye, her appreciation for jina doubling, and then strangely, tripling ) (( at least jina wouldn’t leave her )) her eyes crinkling at the corners with a smile ( no teeth because she’s just a little too exhausted, not just the time of night but the subject matter of her assignment exacting its due ) and she manages a scrunch of her nose. 

ONLY FOOLS FALL

a person who acts unwisely under the guise of a love potion ; we don’t call it love. see also: jina and @mmgyul, the annual yosul commencement party, amidst confusing, tormented hearts. 

𝐒𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄𝐒, 𝐉𝐈𝐍𝐀 𝐖𝐈𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐃 𝐒𝐇𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐄𝐃 𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒. maybe it wouldn’t hurt when she notices the way his eyes are never on hers and the realization strikes her faster than cold water on a monday morning. she never had a chance, did she? she wants him to look at her, see her -- please. the words are deaf on the lips because jina never begs, but her heart bleeds in consequence. the flowers in her lungs once so full in bloom, vibrant and lovely quickly wilt, and she wants to breathe -- cough, feel the air slither it’s way into her chest rather than the way they shrivel up. locking her breath and keeping her entertained with the disillusion that this wasn’t true. but she can’t -- she feels them crush into her windpipe and all she feels is daffodils, roses and lilies, discontempt, devastation and frustration. 

her eyes are hearts, heavily so, eclipsed onto him and he can’t seem to see her. why won’t he see her? these feelings are too familiar, they grow fangs and sink into the very cracks she had thought she had successfully glued together. but jina, oh jina, she never learns. 

a girl of nineteen, she doesn’t know love.

she can’t seem to get her bearings together ; they’re powerful and her heart aches, painful -- the cracks appear again. faster this time, undoing months of forgetting, of pretending; they break where they once lay, deeper, and deeper and the flowers in her lungs die. why so? because he doesn’t say the words he once had said.

instead, “hold that thought, i’ll be right back” is spoken into the void and jina lets him. she lets him slip through her fingers like all those times because her eyes are full of broken hearts and she doesn’t have it in her to stop him. it hurts, but she pretends it doesn’t.

pretending is fine, it saves her the heartbreak. because no, he wasn’t going to do this to her again, was he? ( he has, he will, he can’t stop but jina doesn’t want to end this so soon -- this soon -- they just reconciled )

memories of when she first confessed flood and she feels the gash in her heart tear just a bit more as fingers wind into small fists. the wound is stale, dried blood rounds the corners and all yun has to do is dip dainty little fingers in and pull, for everything to come apart. perhaps, months apart did nothing to cure the heartache, she fears. it’s secured when he reaches his target and she has to force a breath because the flowers are too much, they’re ashes instead of air and she’s coughing up death; in the midst, her heart constricts.

time stills and she rarely notices the way hangyul comes and never leaves; acknowledgement falls flat because all jina can see is what she doesn’t believe. 

jina thinks if she blinks it won’t hurt. she thinks if her eyes close for just a second, that it isn’t real -- that reality is far more kinder than her nightmares, than dreams could ever be. but through glass eyes, all she sees is the way he’s falling into her and jina can’t look away.

was this love? 

⁺  𝐖𝐈𝐙𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐌   @jina5  .

jina calls her instagram a glorified photobook of ‘candids’, exclusively utilizing the ‘candid’ aesthetic whereas most, if not all, the pictures are more ‘posed’ rather than in the moment or actually candid. she rarely takes or posts selfies, and almost always either has someone taking the picture for her or is behind the camera, herself. half the pics are taken with a film camera while the other half are by her phone, using a ‘film’ filter to give it that aesthetic. apparently the only perk (that she happily exploits) of having a maesoba-loved mother is that her follower count is a lot higher than it realistically should be.

⁺  🔍  ›  SEARCHING  ・・・  🚫대일 씹새끼🚫.  @mmdaeil​  ›  SENT.

⁺  💬  ›  🚫대일 씹새끼🚫.  ›  18:30  ›   good evening ⁺  💬  ›  🚫대일 씹새끼🚫.  ›  18:31  ›   i hope you’ve enjoyed today, you arrogantly pompous, insignificant living trash ⁺  💬  ›  🚫대일 씹새끼🚫.  ›  18:31  ›   today can mark the first day of your eternal punishment ⁺  💬  ›  🚫대일 씹새끼🚫.  ›  18:32  ›   call it a last meal of the sorts ⁺  💬  ›  🚫대일 씹새끼🚫.  ›  18:33  ›   for what you ask? ⁺  💬  ›  🚫대일 씹새끼🚫.  ›  18:33  ›   well if you can’t even figure that out ⁺  💬  ›  🚫대일 씹새끼🚫.  ›  18:34  ›   unfortunately i’m not the right person to ask  ⁺  💬  ›  🚫대일 씹새끼🚫.  ›  18:35  ›   all i’m going to say is ⁺  💬  ›  🚫대일 씹새끼🚫.  ›  18:36  ›   YOU BETTER WATCH YOUR FUCKING KNEE CAPS YOU DOUCHE

                                           ・    ・    ・

⁺  💬  ›  🚫대일 씹새끼🚫.  ›  05:10  ›   good fucking morning fuckaroo ⁺  💬  ›  🚫대일 씹새끼🚫.  ›  05:11  ›   hope you eat shit at practice ⁺  💬  ›  🚫대일 씹새끼🚫.  ›  05:11  ›   maybe then your face wouldn’t look as much of a goblin’s ass ⁺  💬  ›  🚫대일 씹새끼🚫.  ›  05:12  ›   oh wait? it’s permanently like that? ⁺  💬  ›  🚫대일 씹새끼🚫.  ›  05:15  ›   gfys 😕

                                          ・    ・    ・

⁺  💬  ›  🚫대일 씹새끼🚫.  ›  14:00  ›   놈.

                                          ・    ・    ・

⁺  💬  ›  🚫대일 씹새끼🚫.  ›  18:00  ›   i meant what i said ⁺  💬  ›  🚫대일 씹새끼🚫.  ›  18:02  ›   call it a love tap but i hope you liked getting your face shoved into the dirt

                                         ・    ・    ・

⁺  💬  ›  🚫대일 씹새끼🚫.  ›  00:00  ›   congrats you survived today, 놈.  ⁺  💬  ›  🚫대일 씹새끼🚫.  ›  00:00  ›   tomorrow is another day 

                                        ・    ・    ・

⁺  💬  ›  🚫대일 씹새끼🚫.  ›  05:00  ›   😈

hi guys !! i’m ume (21+, pst!) and this is another one of kwak jidam’s unfortunate children !!! ( i’m kidding but rly not their whole family is a lit revolt and we LOVE it ) aka kwak jina, she’s the second to last child! there’s more info under the cut as well as plots but pls like and i’ll definitely jump into your dms for some quick one on one 🤪🤪🤪

again, kwak jina : mambo numba 5 kwak 5 canon for ref!

another one of kwak jidam’s kids ( probably among the ones who resent her the most)

don’t get her wrong she Loves her family ( but they can overwhelm her )

safe to say that her childhood wasn’t Great bc of her mom is an understatement

she lost a LOT of friends bc of her mom aka a lot of kids’ parents would tell their kids to not play with her which led to a lot of sad conversations of “sorry jina, we can’t play anymore bc my mom said your mom is a bad person” and as a kid you just think bad person = Evil aka jina slowly becoming to resent her mom more and more bc of her ‘Evil’ ways

she kind of has it twisted in her head that her mom is selfish and greedy but she also doesn’t quite Get her mother or her reasoning behind doing what she does ( nor does she really care at this point )

she never really grows out of that same resentment but it’s more like she just ignores her mom and goes out of her way to Disassociate herself from anything that has to do with kwak jidam

aka the reincarnation of kwak jina !!! aka straight O’s in all her exams ; definitely part of the top 5% of her class because what is kwak jina without her sparkling grade point average !! 

an over-achieving sob who’s a tad catty but y’know what if people are talking about her grades or the cute boy she’s dating or her pretty smile the less they’re talking about her Ruined family

her attitude isn’t all that great tbh she’s a bit blunt and not at all Grade A Friendly when it comes to first encounters but first impressions are always blown away by her smile !!!

but when a bish opens her mouth it’s like Lmfao, who you ???

she’s really self-conscious and it shows a good 66% of the time, she’s always making sure she’s not catching herself slipping bc girl always has to be Pretty, Perfect, Poised !! 

aka her trying her hardest to Not be like her mom

( but lbr she’s probably more like her mom than she realizes but like Hell will she ever admit or see to that reasoning )

personally she’s 0 to 100 on the hostility scale if you say her name and her mom’s name in the same sentence

she wishes she was the hbic but she’s so much of a try hard that she’s just a Bitch

but like an ogre, jina has layers and at her core i promise she’s as sweet as cotton candy

but lbr she probably reserves that spot for her siblings and like 2.5 others

HC: like the rest of her siblings she’s got divination down to a Pat but girlie hates her mom so she Purposely failed divination class once ( bc thats all her pride would allow her ) as a sign of protest

also some yosul info:

fourth year , cheong ryeong , kwak family legacy ( ew lmfao )

electives: dada, wizarding literature, care of magical creatures

PLOTS

old childhood friends who’ve since became estranged because of familial influence aka among the throng who slapped a “i’m sorry jina, my parents said your mom is icky so i can’t play with you anymore” and yeeted outta there

thick as thieves friends ( bc we all know jina doesn’t have a lot of them ) but pls give this Gross girl a friend who’ll stay w her through thick and thin she’s sick of ppl leaving her

ppl she can actually break down in front of bc she feels stress keeping up w everyone’s expectations of who she is and how her family is and she’s kind of SIck of pretending to be this Perfect Person but she keeps it up bc it’s better than hearing the nasty things about her

self-preservation at its finest

so someone who just breaks it down to her that she doesn’t need to be this person ( while she won’t listen,, u know Effort Counts )

exes? girl has trust issues that’s for sure and that has definitely leaked into her love life making most if not all her rls not work out bc she fears they’re going to leave her or find something about her that they suddenly don’t like so she’s really out here beating them to the punch

ok but an ex who she was so reluctant to break up with but she Did it anyways because she’s hard to please but she’s lowkey still in love with them but she’s too Stubborn to fuckin!! admit!! she !! was !! wrong !!

ok but pls give me someone jina punched bc she was angry and she misplaced her anger onto you by accident !1!! has she apologize d ??? oof we dunno 👀

ok but also someone who fucks around w jina bc they know this complex of hers and just has fun with playing w her heart ( yes Destroy Her !!! )

fwb !! cute fluffy rls ( for the 2.5 ppl who were able to peel her layers ) !! 

people she tutors bc jina w that sparkling gpa doesn’t mind doing God’s work and helping the unfortunate 

omg pls give me pureblood family turmoil aka if your pureblood family hates jina’s mom lMFAO RIP INTO JINA even tho jina would be like dude you don’t like my mom? Lmfao Same! but that would be funny

an extension to the last bullet = ppl who view jina as an extension of her mom and her reputation ( jina would grow to hate you but lbr we think you deserve it a little if you do this )

if you’re on the varisty quidditch team ,,, you’ve probably seen her with her brother junsu checking out the Talent 👀aka You, you’re the talent

insert: you said something and jina just RiPPED into you and to this day you’re like wtf? u crazy fsadjkasda*sfhdsjf

HER FAMILY PLS COME !!11! CONTROL JINA !!1! bitch needs to chill but she can’t find her fucks

tbh we’re down for anything and everything !!1! we’re just Hyped to be here !!!

shit this got long im Sorry fam

COLLISION

the act of two oppositions striking violently against another. see also: jina and @mmjihye, mid-afternoon, cheong ryeong common room; wits end.

𝐊𝐖𝐀𝐊 𝐉𝐈𝐍𝐀 𝐖𝐀𝐒𝐍’𝐓 𝐒𝐔𝐑𝐄 𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐒𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐄𝐗𝐏𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆:

a normal day, sure. that’s to be expected. 

she figures from the start, that the day will go on as normal, or as close to it as possible. because what was ‘normal’, these days, wasn’t really normal (not when each day is faced with treacherous expectations set by the infamy that came with being one of the numerous spawn of the kwak jidam) by definition. so, the day spins out from dawn, slowly. it goes and goes and she pays no attention to the warning signs in plain sight, of the whispers that linger and hinder, she blocks them all out. for jina wasn’t one to read too into things, anyways. 

she sees the hours come to a close, and the way the afternoon bleeds into her day. 

and soon, the lunch hour ends uneventfully. the minutes tick on by; slow, casual steps are made as she strolls from where she and hana had taken their afternoon meal, where they part ways and back. a premeditated task lurking in the back of her mind, busy as always, pre-occupied all the same as she takes the route back towards the cheong ryeong common rooms. it’s a short walk, with faint remembrance of where she had left her books at the forefront of her mind, expecting the stack of literature to be right where she had left it.

again, jina wasn’t sure what she was expecting:

her books piled high atop one of the dozen side tables loitered about, yes. 

but surely, not this.

not kwak jihye --kwak fucking jihye-- kwak, her fucking sister, leave-without-a-fucking-heads-up jihye and her god-forsaken face lounging about like it was the most natural thing to be. acting as if her ass hadn’t just gone awol for the last year, gone without a trace, pulling one of the most horrendous and disappointing houdini-disappearing acts known to mankind. 

no, jina hadn’t expected this at all.

which was why, she blinks twice for good measure. three times to make sure and a fourth to keep the gigantic vein from bulging out of her temple. fingers gingerly prying said books from where she had left them, collecting them carefully and finely into her arms; taking careful, determined steps further into the room. fingers brace the spines of the books before she stops short of where her sister lay.

and without notice, she drops them, quite aggressively into the mahogany table by their feet. teeth tightening over her smile as she stares at her sister, head-on, words barely spit through grinding molars. “what the fuck are you doing here?” no i miss yous, no familiarity-filled, unnie!, no nothing --except pure, raw hostility and perhaps, a dash of well-warranted anger. 

All texts for your new papa 👊

   ●   a morning text     ━━━   ・  

⁺  💬  ›  🔫오빠.  ›  06:12  ›   오빠 i know its early but do you know where i can get jabberknoll feathers?

   ●   a angry text     ━━━   ・  

⁺  💬  ›  🔫오빠.  ›  18:45  ›   야 !!!!! 오빠 !!!!⁺  💬  ›  🔫오빠.  ›  18:46  ›   THE LEECHES YOU GAVE ME WON’T COME OFF⁺  💬  ›  🔫오빠.  ›  18:46  ›   they fucking look like hickies !!!⁺  💬  ›  🔫오빠.  ›  18:50  ›   HOW AM I GOING TO EXPLAIN THIS TO 언니 ?!

   ●   a drunk text     ━━━   ・  

⁺  💬  ›  🔫오빠.  ›  00:01  ›   오빠 you’we lik e my Dad⁺  💬  ›  🔫오빠.  ›  00:01  ›   i shfold call you 아빠⁺  💬  ›  🔫오빠.  ›  00:02  ›   아빠 !! 아빠 !! 아빠 !!

    a vague text    

⁺  💬  ›  🔫오빠.  ›  23:59  ›   are you going to leave me too?

   ●   a worried text     ━━━   ・

⁺  💬  ›  🔫오빠.  ›  20:00  ›   오빠 i don’t know who else to turn to⁺  💬  ›  🔫오빠.  ›  20:07  ›   if you’re gone i don’t have anyone else⁺  💬  ›  🔫오빠.  ›  20:10  ›   please tell me what i did wrong

   ●   a text not meant for you     ━━━   ・

⁺  💬  ›  🔫오빠.  ›  00:01  ›   do you ever get the feeling of disappearing?

   ●   a sassy text     ━━━   ・

⁺  💬  ›  🔫오빠.  ›  15:27  ›   for fuck’s sakes, it’s either gucci or nothing else

   ●   a long-winded confession text    ━━━   ・

⁺  💬  ›  🔫오빠.  ›  24:10  ›   thanks for being here 오빠

   ●   a misguided advice text     ━━━   ・

⁺  💬  ›  🔫오빠.  ›  14:49  ›   i don’t know? you should just punch them to shut them up

   ●   a  desperate text     ━━━   ・

⁺  💬  ›  🔫오빠.  ›  13:02  ›   오빠 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!⁺  💬  ›  🔫오빠.  ›  13:03  ›   PLEASE ANSWER IT’S URGENT⁺  💬  ›  🔫오빠.  ›  13:05  ›   DO YOU KNOW WHERE I CAN BUY THE NEW MIU MIU F/W2020 LINE

   ●   a congratulatory text     ━━━   ・

⁺  💬  ›  🔫오빠.  ›  12:05  ›   congratulations on being the only person on earth with a brain, 오빠⁺  💬  ›  🔫오빠.  ›  12:06  ›   everyone else are a bunch of headasses 🙄

   ●   a  text that should have never been sent  ━━━   ・

⁺  💬  ›  🔫오빠.  ›  01:39  ›   can you be my new 아빠?

all the texts pls dear 🦋

TW subtle depressive thoughts / escapism

 ●   a morning text     ━━━   ・  

⁺  💬  ›  琳凯HEADASS💢.  ›  00:12  ›   you better be awake by 5

                                             ・    ・    ・

⁺  💬  ›  琳凯HEADASS💢.  ›  07:45  ›   did i say 5? i meant 8 🤭🤷‍♀️

 ●   a angry text     ━━━   ・  

⁺  💬  ›  琳凯HEADASS💢.  ›  14:23  ›   what the fuck kai⁺  💬  ›  琳凯HEADASS💢.  ›  14:25  ›   DON’T FUCKING TALK TO ME⁺  💬  ›  琳凯HEADASS💢.  ›  14:26  ›   you better be ready to have my fist meet your FUCKING FACE

 ●   a drunk text     ━━━   ・  

⁺  💬  ›  琳凯HEADASS💢.  ›  00:01  ›   kai … kai …. 야 …….⁺  💬  ›  琳凯HEADASS💢.  ›  00:01  ›   i lovu ⁺  💬  ›  琳凯HEADASS💢.  ›  00:04  ›   iM kidnafing⁺  💬  ›  琳凯HEADASS💢.  ›  00:05  ›   i HATE yunr GUTS

 ●   a vague text    

⁺  💬  ›  琳凯HEADASS💢.  ›  23:59  ›   i just want to be left alone

 ●   a worried text     ━━━   ・

⁺  💬  ›  琳凯HEADASS💢.  ›  20:00  ›   i don’t know who else to turn to⁺  💬  ›  琳凯HEADASS💢.  ›  20:07  ›   if you’re gone i don’t have anyone else⁺  💬  ›  琳凯HEADASS💢.  ›  20:10  ›   kai ………… please let me know you’re okay⁺  💬  ›  琳凯HEADASS💢.  ›  20:10  ›   please tell me what i did wrong

 ●   a text not meant for you     ━━━   ・

⁺  💬  ›  琳凯HEADASS💢.  ›  00:03  ›   do you ever want to disappear?

 ●   a sassy text     ━━━   ・

⁺  💬  ›  琳凯HEADASS💢.  ›  06:30  ›   morons like you are truly a one of a kind 🙄

 ●   a long-winded confession text    ━━━   ・

⁺  💬  ›  琳凯HEADASS💢.  ›  24:10  ›   thanks for being a constant presence in my life

                                            ・    ・    ・

⁺  💬  ›  琳凯HEADASS💢.  ›  00:02  ›   thanks for tonight, kaikai

                                           ・    ・    ・

⁺  💬  ›  琳凯HEADASS💢.  ›  03:09  ›   i can’t sleep⁺  💬  ›  琳凯HEADASS💢.  ›  03:10  ›   i can’t stop thinking, kaikai

                                          ・    ・    ・

⁺  💬  ›  琳凯HEADASS💢.  ›  06:30  ›   forget what i said last night, i’m fine now

                                         ・    ・    ・

⁺  💬  ›  琳凯HEADASS💢.  ›  23:11  ›   i know i don’t say it often, kaikai but i’m really thankful you’re still here and haven’t left⁺  💬  ›  琳凯HEADASS💢.  ›  23:11  ›   so many people leave⁺  💬  ›  琳凯HEADASS💢.  ›  23:13  ›   and i know why they do⁺  💬  ›  琳凯HEADASS💢.  ›  23:14  ›   and i can’t blame them even i want to⁺  💬  ›  琳凯HEADASS💢.  ›  23:18  ›   if i were them, i’d leave me too⁺  💬  ›  琳凯HEADASS💢.  ›  23:20  ›   i’m just so tired⁺  💬  ›  琳凯HEADASS💢.  ›  23:21  ›   sometimes i feel like it’s not worth it⁺  💬  ›  琳凯HEADASS💢.  ›  23:21  ›   i pretend like i’m worth it⁺  💬  ›  琳凯HEADASS💢.  ›  23:21  ›   but it’s just pretending, right?⁺  💬  ›  琳凯HEADASS💢.  ›  23:21  ›   because i’m not worth it, ykno⁺  💬  ›  琳凯HEADASS💢.  ›  23:25  ›   sometimes i’m ready to just go away and not come back like jihye⁺  💬  ›  琳凯HEADASS💢.  ›  23:26  ›   because then maybe everyone will be at peace⁺  💬  ›  琳凯HEADASS💢.  ›  23:30  ›   i wish jihye took me with her

                                        ・    ・    ・

⁺  💬  ›  琳凯HEADASS💢.  ›  01:00  ›   would you tell me not to leave?

                                       ・    ・    ・

⁺  💬  ›  琳凯HEADASS💢.  ›  05:45  ›   please delete those texts, kai, they’re embarrassing

 ●   a misguided advice text     ━━━   ・

⁺  💬  ›  琳凯HEADASS💢.  ›  14:49  ›   if you’re into her, why don’t you keep your dick slack for once and tell her with words

 ●   a  desperate text     ━━━   ・

⁺  📞  ›  ( 16 ) OUTGOING CALL   ›  琳凯HEADASS💢.  ›   VOICEMAIL.

                                      ・    ・    ・

⁺  💬  ›  琳凯HEADASS💢.  ›  13:02  ›   S.O.S.

 ●   a congratulatory text     ━━━   ・

⁺  💬  ›  琳凯HEADASS💢.  ›  14:18  ›   must be nice having one brain cell⁺  💬  ›  琳凯HEADASS💢.  ›  14:19  ›   omg you have two? Amazing

 ●   a  text that should have never been sent ━━━   ・

⁺  💬  ›  琳凯HEADASS💢.  ›  01:01  ›   are you going to leave me like jiyi did?

she grew up so beautifully 😫 😫

BUDDING PARALLELS

similar but not quite the same, virtually so; but frankly, not enough. see also: jina and @mmyuanlan before the peace treaty, the glo-up, and insert the manic one on one competition between the two smartest girls in their cohort. CIRCA 2017

𝐀𝐓 𝐒𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐄𝐍, you want to be better than the rest. 

you read books until they’re practically imprinted in your mind. you close your eyes and your mind still runs a mile a minute, keep up, keep up -- they taunt you. you’re to be the best, not ahead of the curve, you are the curve. self-awareness is second to self-egos; pampered and bruised. tossed to wolves and torn apart all for the sake of an outstanding academic reputation. the next day, it will begin again.

it’s a repetitive cycle, the slate is never clean, it’s darkened with blood and sweat and tears jina never cries because her eyes are bloodshot and her smile is strained. but she raises her hand high, shoulder brush, maybe a little too passive-aggressively against another’s. she doesn’t spare the slightest glance backwards as her name is spoken like a spell, like it’s obvious that she would be the first to come up with the answer. 

like it’s expected, because she was kwak jina. 

this was her reputation. untainted by her mother’s crimes, unhindered by the legacies her sisters unravel: no -- kwak jina is unlike her sisters before her. she is not serious, she is not fun personified; she’s not a breath of fresh air nor does she excel at escapism. 

she’s haughty, possessive, temperamental and withers at the lack of attention. above all, she is an egoist. she wants to be the best, second in line had never been her frame of work nor would she bow down to someone like -- she blinks, smile ripe against bright teeth -- someone like yuanlan. the name rolls off her tongue as she stares at the list of students, written off by examination scores and paired like cattle for their latest DADA practicum. unlike last time, perhaps the advantage had been lost.

because right next to yuanlan’s was her own -- she bites back a groan, heavily feeling her eyes roll to the back of her head as she turns to stare the other down, arms crossed before she makes up her mind and makes the first move. “it appears,” she breathes through her nose, trying to calm the flares of annoyance already prickling at the back of her neck. “the professor thought it was wise to pair us up for today’s practicum.” her tone is flat, a declaration of if you fuck this up -- i’ll fuck you up whispered between unwritten lines.