Moonsquaremars - KÝLL

Gerhard Richter, Clouds, 1978

My boyfriends constantly cheat on me with trans men lol 😩

having cis gay men tell me they “could never be with a trans man” because of the “sexual incompatibility”… i’m sorry that the splendors of t-dick are lost on you

Uranus in 7th — unstable lover?

Uranus represents chaos, and 7th house is the house of romantic relationships.

I have this placement and come to think of it, I’m always the “unstable” one in my relationships. I’ve also seemed to attract partners who also have moon square mars, like me. Perhaps I do use smartphone apps for dating/hook ups more than the average joe ? But maybe not. The whole world is digital now. I did once volunteer at a homeless shelter with my boyfriend. Uranus is the planet of humanitarianism.

i’ve never been in a straight relationship. can’t both partners be winners? i feel like relationships always have imbalanced aspects. my ex was internet famous for having a big dick and was solidly upper middle class, but i am conventionally attractive and speak three languages. also 99% of gay relationships don’t work either. i feel like kids are the only thing that keep most marriages together.

I just realized here in the early morning hours that in a straight couple, you are indubitably getting some kind of power struggle where both the man and the woman assume, maybe even subconsciously, that they’re respectively going to be the winners. You could say This is probably why 99% of non-marriage relationships end and 50% of all marriages end in straight folk. It isn’t that most couples HaTe EaCh OtHeR, it is that they have some competition going on in their minds that there exists no rules to.

when i was 18 i wanted a complete identity change for some reason. i was going to change my name to Jack Caliber. i wanted to go so far as to get a new social security number. and then i did run away without telling anyone and hopped on a greyhound to utah xD

did not last long cuz it was impulsive. aries saturn 9h. :p

does any other 12th houser get a sudden urge to disappear?

Oh, the 12th House.

Sometime between middle and high school, I had a dream. I was using Tumblr, logging on, and seeing what other people were saying. There had been some catastrophe, and not everyone had the internet. It wasn't guaranteed. But I somehow had access to the internet, and I logged onto Tumblr through my TV. People hadn't posted in weeks, months.

I thought it was weird that I was scrolling through Tumblr on my TV. This was 2010. It wasn't a flat screen. It was big and chunky and a box. These days, you can check Tumblr on a TV. Technology has come a long way. Airplay. Screensharing. Smartphones.

Could that dream have been a premonition? Of the decline in use of Tumblr over the years. I had just discovered Tumblr in the 8th grade. I was one of the first users, back when hipsters and mustache and converse pictures were just about to become the rage. Myspace was still around, though becoming a graveyard more and more by the month. Scene kids never die though. Rawr :]

~

What could the dream have meant? Perhaps that TV would be my own demise? My armageddon?

When I first read about the 12th house, I was a first-year at Centre College. The 'best' college in Kentucky. Private, small, liberal arts college with a hefty endowment. Most people have never heard of it. So much for the prestige and recognition.

I read Liz Green's article about the 12th house. I had just started getting into astrology. I'm smart. Was an IB / International Baccalaureate student at one of the best high school's in the city. But astrology gave my little 18 year old mind & heart some peace of mind. Homework and ambition can only do so much.

Harvard. Thanks to Gossip Girl, Brown University became my dream school. I applied Early Admission, seeing as the acceptance rate was slightly higher, and I thought my desire and longing to be upper class would carry the weight for my acceptance. AAAANNNHHHH!!!! Nope. Try again. You were just an above average student, thought not straight As or rich and well connected. Of course, this got my admittance to other good schools. Just not an Ivy. You probably would have hated it anyway, seeing as you had a nervous breakdown your second semester into college. And that was only two hours away from home! :) Rhode Island? not a chance.

My intuition told me not to go to Centre. But my ego persisted. I wanted to go to the best school in Kentucky, and I wouldn't settle for less.

I got so drunk the weekend I visited campus my senior year. The guy blamed himself for letting me get carried away. But I knew what I was doing. Granted I didn't mean to get that fucked up. But I wanted to get drunk. My bad homes.

-

So, I wanted the conventionally successful life. I did. Graduate college in four years, maybe be a banker or something. Make money. It really seemed so simple to me. Then my life became a living hell. Torture. I became so reclusive. Would walk around in the night, and miss my classes in the morning. I had no money. No car. Surrounded by strangers, rich strangers, in a small town two hours from home.

I fell apart.

I ended up in the Psych ward for a week. Took the rest of the semester off to join a new religion, the Mormons. Came back the next Fall only to be completely miserable again in a couple weeks time.

I guess I just thought I could handle it. I wasn't disciplined enough to stick it out. I was crazy enough that it became too difficult.

I was in fact crazy. I didn't realize it at the time. I do now. It's why I blacked out all those years.

Thanks, 12th house.

The 12th house in Astrology. The house of Psych wards, Prisons, Monestaries, Rehabs. A single drop of water in the vast vast ocean.

The unconscious. Spirituality. Bipolar disorder. Photography. Drugs. Weird religion. Gay.

Boy, I had it in for me. All things considered.

I realized though, my dad's Sun was also in the 12th house. Mine and his. So I guess we asked for this. We're in this together. Two wackos.

Great.... :(

I guess what they say is true.

The 12th house makes you crazy. I'm living proof. But it also gave me psychic powers. Gifts. The days you feel like you are completely drowning, though, are the worst.

Astrological Generations ~ Uranus, Neptune & Pluto

~Uranus in Capricorn 1988-1996: the sub-generation capable of finding ways to capitalise on unique talents & create a demand only they can supply.Politically active & conscious. Conservative in progressiveness, likes to keep the wisdom of old in the new; maintains individual identity in identity politics

~Uranus in Aquarius 1995-2003: Desire to turn the world upside down and rattle every existing structure for the one that could be. Politically active & activist - often form friendships with likeminded individuals within these groups who believe in the same causes

~Uranus in Pisces 2003-2010: Blue/green/mermaid hair; low limb tattoos; neon black style. Experimental with belief systems, prefer individual pursuits such as the occult/astrology/tarot. High utopian ideals & compassionate conscience, want to change the world overnight

~Neptune in Aquarius 1998-2012:- Share the core wound of exile/ separation from humanity as a whole; don’t feel ‘normal’, or ‘like everybody else’ despite not knowing how it feels to be anybody else. Friendship/social groups are forms of redemption, often underpinned by a deeper spiritual urge and desperation to belong

~Pluto in Virgo 1957-1972: The generational legacy is the innovation of new practices, techniques & outcomes that transform the profession for decades to come- especially in health/wellness/tech sectors. Virgo/6th house rules domestic pets; this is the generation of every man with a dog

~Pluto in Libra 1972-1984: The generational legacy is the transformation of human relationships; a re-evaluation of ‘commitment’ -with significantly more importance placed on satisfying/intimate/truthful connections, and being able to walk away from compromising people and bad love

~Pluto in Scorpio 1984-1995: The generational legacy is uncovering of hidden, lost, and ancestral knowledge buried in the collective unconsciousness. These are the ones who recite the alphabet of symbols and the alchemic table, the Chemists & Sorceresses mixing old physical & psychic healing potions

~Pluto in Sagittarius 1995-2008: The generational legacy is the composition of new belief systems & castes of connection that provide the meaning, mysteries, & higher purposes that will carry the inner Spirit of humanity through the secular age

-Cherry