A Human In Need

The pack bond feature your race has aquired is vastly inconvenient to say the very least.

Okay, so I feel like contributing to the Humans Are Weird section and it’s just, humans and predators get along? Like, we have mutual beneficial relationships and companionship with animals that, in theory, we should be fighting with. 

Like, we have cats and dogs as pets, some people have wolves, we see lions and tigers and think they’re cute, hell, zoologists have been raising Big Cats for years, not to mention the stories about people care taking bears. 

And if Jurassic World became a thing, you can bet your ass someone would Chris Pratt a set of pack dinos

So like, imagine that theres a race of aliens who are, by genetic script, predatory, and vicious and every alien system are like “Theres no chance at establishing peace with them, it’s impossible.” But then humans come and we stumble across a wounded one like 

“this species ?? Is adorable ?” And all the other aliens are like 

“No, human Mike, it is a vicious predator! It’s bet to just avoid the quadrant where theyre from and destroy any that come too close.” 

“You want to kill him, but he’s just a wittle cutie!” 

“ … Human Mike, stand back!” And of course the humans rally around it and force the other aliens out and slowly feed/build up trust with the species and we form a bound with them and Aliens are like ???? 

Evetually humans teach the aliens how to respond to the species and while they’re still pretty dangerous if they’re hungry and you shouldn’t turn your back on them, there’s still like, relative trust between the species. 

REBLOG IF YOU AGREE

Id be your friend even if youre gay. Id be your friend even if youre lesbian. Id be your friend even if youre bi Id be your friend even if youre ace or aro Id be your friend even if youre transgendered Id be your friend even if youre genderfluid Id be your friend even if youre any part of the SAGA community (lgbtq+) Id be your friend even if youre depressed Id be your friend even if you have anxiety Id be your friend even if you are suicidal Id be your friend even if you self harm Id be your friend even if you have mental illnesses Id be your friend even if you aren’t socially accepted Id be youre friend even if you were straight Id be your friend even if you went through abuse Id be your friend even if you’ve been raped Id be your friend even if you have flashbacks Id be your friend even if youre up all night Id be your friend even if you like rap Id be your friend even if you like rock Id be your friend even if you are black Id be your friend even if you are white Id be your friend even if you are latino Id be your friend even if you are native Id be your friend even if you are asian Id be your friend even if youre Christian Id be your friend even if youre Atheist Id be your friend even if you are Muslim Id be your friend as long as youre you and deserving of it.

This is a sign for blogs to put up and continue the list so that people know no matter what we can be there for each other. Please reblog…make people feel comfortable being themselves.

Self-Healing

            In addition to multiple posts I’ve seen about humans surviving injuries against all odds, we also tend to ignore injuries, letting our bodies take care of the damage. Got a broken nose? Eh, it heals itself. Cut your leg open? Slap on some ointment and some gauze; it’ll be fine. Got a concussion? A little ice and time and you’ll be fine. So many of us will suffer through pain and fevers and awful physical problems and assume the body will heal itself.

            Zork'ak was in the dining hall when the humans returned from their “cliff diving.” Several of them were laughing, but a few were clutching their head or their nose. Zork'ak rose to meet them, xer eyes cutting to the hurt members of the pack.

            “Did your trip go well?” Xe asked.

            Adam smiled. “Yeah, yeah really fun.”

            “Yeah, my broken nose was definitely really fun.” Wren muttered. Her hand was indeed covering her face with thin material catching what looked to be blood.

            “Shouldn’t you go to the medical wing?” Zork'ak asked.

            Wren shrugged. “It’ll stop and heal itself.”

            “Your body just regenerates broken extremities?” Zork'ak was more and more afraid of this species every time xe interacted with them.

            “Not regenerate, per say,” Carrie answered to Zork'ak’s right. “It’ll just heal broken bones and cartilage. Once I got in a wicked fight, got two or three broken ribs. Hurt like a bitch.”

            “And these bones? Do they also heal themselves?”

            “Oh, yeah. All of our bones heal themselves. You just have to make sure you get it set right. Usually ribs and noses they can’t do anything about.”

            Zork'ak was shocked, unsure of what to say, when xe noticed Jessica standing behind Carrie clutching her head. “Is Jessica well?”

            Jessica looked up then, squinting at the light. “Concussion,” she said.

            “What is a ‘concussion?’” Xe were almost afraid of the answer.

            “It’s when you hit your head real hard and it hurts pretty bad. It can make things disorienting.” Carrie was looking at Jessica.

            “Our medical staff should assess the damage from Jessica’s brain injury.”

            Carrie shook her head. “We gave her some pain reliever, and I’m taking her to her room. She just needs it to be dark and to rest.”

            With that, Carrie took Jessica down the corridor, and Zork'ak returned to xer seat.  

The humans sat around xem at xer empty table.

            “Hurts like hell, man. Not cool,” Steve was muttering.

            “Oh, he was being nice. I would’ve hit you real hard.” Reese smirked.

            “Are you all having a disagreement? A physical fight?” Zork'ak was alarmed. These humans could inflict extreme damage.

            “Oh, no.” Adam was laughing. “Steve got a sunburn, and I hit him on the back. It was pretty fun.”

            “You’re an asshole,” Steve said as he took a bite of his stew.

            “A ‘sunburn?’” Clearly the Klyl’s did not know anything about humans.

            “Yeah. We have to put on a layer of sunscreen, like a protective lotion, or it’ll burn our skin. Kill the top layer.”

            Zork'ak was gaping. “Our sun harms your skin?”

            “Well, it’ not as strong as our sun, but yes. We can still get burned.”

            “We must take you to the burn unit at once. We cannot allow you all to go outside if the sun is killing your skin layers.” Zork'ak started to rise from the bench.

            Steve shook his head. “Give it a few days. It goes way. The body replaces those cells with new ones.”

            Xe sank back onto xer seat. “Is there anything your body cannot heal?”

            “Oh, yeah. Some infections and diseases, heart problems, cancer. Things like that.”

            “But normal, everyday things,” Adam said, “We heal ourselves.”

            Zork'ak wondered how the scorching of one’s skin or the breaking of a bone was an 'everyday’ thing, but xe was unsure of everything xe had learned before these humans arrived. Xe needed to see the commander.

submitted by: @nonbinarygaymergirl

This "Bon Jovi" is a conquerer and unifier of Terra Prime? And has created a neural network that cause humans to randomly burst into song?

Bon Jovi, Earth’s Global Unifier

The result of reading possibly too many ‘Humans Are Weird’ stories while also listening to Adam Hills standup

So, two humans from different countries with different languages are both seperately brought onto alien ships somehow.

These two ships come across each other, and open a hailing frequency. In the background, one human is quietly singing to themselves as they work. “Tommy used to work on the doooocks~ Union’s been on strike, he’s down on his luck, so tough~”

And then a voice pipes up from the other end of the hailing frequency. “Gina works the diner all daaay~”

All of a sudden these aliens have their respective humans practically yelling something they’ve never heard before over the frequency in perfect union and synchronicity, despite the impossibility of them having ever met.

The aliens question for a good while if their humans were lying when they said humans do not have a hivemind.

Do you think that, to aliens, we humans are like the supreme omnivores of the universe?

I mean, honestly, one of the greatest advantages we have as a species is our willingness to eat, or at least try to eat, just about anything.

Allergies, cultural differences, preferred diets, and intolerances, and general tastes for flavors aside, the average human is capable of finding a way to consume most anything we can get in our mouth.

Meat? Boom. Vegetables? Pretty good. Fruits? Love it. Bugs? Hey if we had to. Fish? Hell yeah. Eggs? Yeah man. Organs? Sure thing. Milk, honey, and food products made in other creatures? Classic.

Hell, if something isn’t immediately poisonous or just disgusting tasting, or even just flat undigestable, chances are a human can and will eat it.

Honestly, even if something is known to be poisonous (i.e. pufferfish), we’re not gonna rest until we find some part of it that’s not poisonous so we can eat that.

Some humans even will eat disgusting things, either to prove they can, or because they’ve found a way to make it palatable just so that they can actually eat it.

Especially consider that if other alien species we encounter are either flat herbivores or obligate carnivores. It might be to the concern of some newer crew members just how much the humans on board eat and what variety they will consume if given the chance; especially if they’re concerned about food rations being low. Or if they get to an unexplored world and the human is commenting about strange flora and fauna they find and comment how much it resembles foodstuffs on their home planet. Until they realize the humans are saying it about a LOT of the stuff on this unexplored world. To the point they’re worried that either the humans will eat something that would get them sick/poisoned, or they’ll end up just completely devouring anything and everything they see on the planet like a swarm of starved locusts.

Keep them happy so they do not turn on you

Hey you! Don’t forget to water your human and give it plenty of nutrients! Humans are kinda fragile and need a lot of special attention so give it a little hug and a nice wash to keep it feeling ok.

If your human is feeling a little down make sure you remind it how strong it is! It’s made it this far!

Sometimes humans have problems with liking themselves and staying happy. Make sure you give this human plenty of love and support. Sometimes it’s hard to cheer up a human when they’re down so please don’t get mad at if it has trouble!

Humans are high maintenance but it’s worth it because they’re so nice and huggable and they just cuddle up and create and get so excited and they’re just so adoreable!

I am not terrified what are you talking about.

Humans Are Space Orcs: Braces

I have been reading a lot of these so here it is,

Just imagine an alien when they find out about braces.

“Do you mean to tell me that you strap metal to your young and slowly move their bones, without pain killers, over long periods of time? The bones that they use to eat? Then make them wear more metal in their mouths for the rest of their life, all for a standard of beauty?”

Nah dude, some do it for medical reasons. I knew someone who had three teeth stuck in the roof of their mouth so they put braces on them and fixed that right up”

“I don’t think I understand”

“They had to do it, because they had already pulled out their baby teeth so they would have had gaps or out of order teeth. Or get infected.

“But how did braces on the outside of their teeth affect the teeth that were *stuck*”

They first had to cut through the bone to get to them and then they stuck brackets on them. But after that, they just dragged the teeth into place.”

“Through the bone?”

“Yup”

"And it worked?”

"Yup”

*horrified aliens* “I thought you said you care about your young”

"We do”

*even more Horrified aliens*

*off to the side* “didn’t the human say they cared about us”

What if humans are the only species that gets "mystery" bruises? How weird would it be to aliens that we can sustain an injury that leaves a mark lasting days or sometimes weeks but don't remember how we got it?

I love it!

Humans are already terrifying enough, but then it gets injuries like contusions (which is deadly to several species mind you!) and it doESN’T EVEN KNOW WHY?!?!?!?

At first the interspecies council thinks it’s a joke. Yes, it has already been established that a human just plain won’t die (with very few exceptions, like decapitation) and contusions aren’t that dangerous for most species. That it’d be unsuccessful at killing a human wasn’t surprising, but that they some times don’t even know how they’ve gotten the contusion? No that has to be a joke.

It’s ruled as another myth until a member of the council travels with a ship with a few human crew-members. Trofaxiq the Elder had taken a stroll around the ship a few days into the voyage when he heard two humans talking.

“Maybe you walked into something?” The tall, highly pigmented one said, inspecting something on the slightly shorter, less pigmented one.

“Yeah, you know I’m clumsy, but the position’s weird, isn’t it?” The shorter one said, looking down at their own appendage.

“So maybe you got it in your sleep?” The tall one suggested as the short one spotted Trofaxiq the Elder and jabbed its appendage into their fellow human’s sternum. A less experienced Froentir would have mistaken it for an attack, but Trofaxiq the Elder knew enough about human behaviour to know it was called a ‘nudge’ and was socially acceptable. 

After the normal exchange of greetings and pleasantries, Trofaxiq the Elder eventually asked the humans what they had been discussing. The tall one, Fatima, said the short one, Lucíahad gotten a bruise, but couldn’t remember how. Unsure what a bruise was, Trofaxiq the Elder asked, but quickly came to wish they hadn’t as they saw the large contusion on the humans appendage.

Less than one rotation later, the human guide had been updated, and a suggestion had been made to add a classification so they could mark humans down as more dangerous than the previous  “extremely dangerous, do not approach in the wild”

The only problem was how useful humans could be to expeditions. In the end, the suggestion wasn’t passed, to the worry of many council members.

Throwing My Hat into the “Humans Are Weird” Thing

So what if all the other alien species evolved from Prey Species? Like, humans show up on the galactic scene and everyone is weirded out by the appearance of this species with eyes on the front of their heads and binocular vision, and crazy good senses of hearing and smell compared to everyone else.

And then it hits them.

They just made first contact with a race of sapient, intelligent Apex Predators. Eventually, after the panic dies down and the other races realize that humans aren’t going to eat them, they realize how good they are under pressure. They can hear and smell things before anyone else, are capable of going days without food if they have to, weeks with very little food. Or, they can pull off these insane feats of accuracy with their binocular vision. Or smell what dinner is from three rooms away, or hear a ship’s system failure before the alarm sounds.

Variety

We as humans thrive on variety. We need variety in our food, our schedules, our lives! Without variety there is a possibility that we can die. And boy do we every come up with stuff so that never happens.We make new dishes, we constantly change up our schedules so that it is no longer repetitive, we have different types of clothing and/or different needs in a mate. Of course we have even made food that can look the same but taste completely different(or the other way around!) just to have some changes. An alien could be used to seeing a human walk by them at exactly 16:00 and accept that as part of their schedule. Now when the human wants more variety and walks a different way to get to the same spot, all the aliens that have become adjusted to that human walking by them would either be awfully confused or deeply afraid because they can no longer follow their schedule like they were supposed too. Thus, chaos reins in the ship because one human wanted some variety.