Oh Fuuuuck. Oh Fuck Dude. I Just Got Bit By A Fucking Clam And Tonight's The Full Moon

Doctor calls you with your bloodwork results and just says “I’m really mad at you” and then hangs up

OOOhoohGargablarbabcherereelelefooaGGAARRaablaaaAAala

Last night we let Nothing speak. Last night was no movie, no image, a blank page. got so fucked up last night off zero drinks that i ended up making no actions, much to the embarrassment of no one, who wasn't there.

I have been so utterly transfixed by this phrase lately.

I find myself saying this out lout whenever I feel stumped by any conversation. Any time a conversation gets kinda stupid and people start saying unnecessary things I immediately have a strong compulsion to say "uh... white person here. i jack off to goombas from the super mario bros games"

pretentious moment incoming but why is everyone's idea of fashion so fucking boring these days. why the fuck did my manager just ask me "what's with the scarf". "what's with the scarf" fuck man do I need a reason to wear a faggy little scarf now? you could just say "nice scarf man". what's with your attitude

Church of Whale Fall

me: if I become the evil overlord I will never harm my minions

[5 years later]

highly throwable imp: hoohoohee

me: hmm

“mold is gross!!” “mold gets people sick!!” maybe for you. my mold loves me. we share germs & we arw in love ❤️ he livws on my water bottle and i take him everywhere with me. i am dyinf. for unrelated reasons

kind of embarrassing to play a game that your friend recommended it’s like. ohh i’m pregnant with your game. i’m playing and it’s yours