I'm Autistic And I Currently Feel Like Shit Checklist

The people who police your gender will police your gender even if you're cis.

Eat them.

A lot of leftist accounts are suspiciously quiet on the section 504 lawsuit, proposed medicaid cuts, and the "make America healthy again" executive order.

I know other leftists are not the enemy but if we don't have able bodied allies and general population support, there's no hope of pushing back against these ableist policies. These big accounts ignoring a massive minority at risk is scary. The current admin is the problem but there's no hope of a solution without allyship.

We need visibility. We need allies.

listen. aging into your thirties rocks. yes your joints get a little creaky. yes you can’t sleep in a pretzel on the floor anymore after a concert or a convention. and you lose some friends. but the thing is that you sort out who your real friends are and you sort out who you really are. and you get to see your friends settling into careers they like, and adopt new dogs and cats, and you find a job you can stand, and get really good at arts and crafts, and maybe that book you loved as a kid gets a movie deal and it doesn’t suck, and you learn to like new food and bake your own bread, and you realize that the great portfolio of self harm scars you all used to curate are going white with age and not updated, and half your friends are a different gender now and so much happier and maybe you are too, and you know who you are, and that it’s a journey and not a revelation. it’s a direction you’re headed, and you’re enjoying the trip.

reaching your 30′s rocks. and i’m hearing good things about what comes next, too.

Saw a post and it really got me thinking.

The post was talking about why don’t lower support needs, higher masking individuals even believe that higher support needs, low masking, “severely autistic” people, exist. And that got me really thinking. Because, I do think they know we exist. I just don’t think they want too.

I don’t think they want to know we exist. They know we exist, but keep us on the back burner. They live in ignorance bliss of us. I have what some people would think of as severe autism. Im nonverbal (although nonverbal later in life. But outside people don’t care about that. They see nonverbal as nonverbal), I’m intellectually disabled, need help in everyday life, etc. but I’m in the middle. I’m moderate support needs. To me, I’m not severely autistic. But to society, I am considered and seen as severely autistic because society doesn’t have the understanding of moderate autism yet. They don’t understand it. And I’ve seen more times than I can count that severe autism doesn’t exist. Not because they don’t believe in severe autism the label itself because it’s “harmful” but because they don’t believe that it’s just caused by autism. They often believe that’s it’s caused by comorbidities. Like ID, or cerebral palsy, or apraxia/dyspraxia, or mobility issues, or genetic conditions, and so on. Although none of this is bad.

They believe that autism itself can’t create severe autism. Which…isn’t true. Before, it was believed that severe autism was the only type of autism. That it was the only type that existed and if you weren’t severely autistic then you weren’t autistic. Then more research happened, then social media happened, and now..white, lower support needs, high masking, late diagnosed individuals are the majority of what’s being centered. And, that isn’t bad. We need awareness of all autism. But when one type of autism gets centered, it becomes a problem. It becomes the new norm. It becomes what everyone expects out of autism now. Which, isn’t true. Autism all of all types and traits exists. Autism of all support needs exists.

When people say severe autism doesn’t exist, they’re ignoring and saying that a BIG percentage of autistic people don’t exist. They’re saying that we aren’t real. That we aren’t on the internet, or in the communities they live in, or in their schools, or whatever. We’re everywhere. Severe autism is still a thing. It isn’t a misdiagnosis. It isn’t from comorbities, although if someone’s autism is more severe from comorbidities then that isn’t bad.

I think a lot of people need to be more aware of severe autism. And not just severe autism like me or my mutuals, or the people you see here on tumblr. But the ones with even MORE severe autism. The ones who live in group homes, residentials, institutions, and so on. The ones who aren’t on the internet. The ones who aren’t here blogging about their lives. We need to be aware of them too. We need to believe they exist, and believe that their autism is real.

Don’t erase severe or profound autism.

So many people who get periods are like “Ugh it sucks that having a menstrual cycle makes you almost die every month” like no that’s not normal you need to go to the doctor

Writing Notes: Magic System

A Quick Guide to Crafting Your Own Magic System

The comforting tug of the familiar can often draw writers into the domain of tried-and-tested magic systems.

While there's a reason these archetypes endure, speculative fiction thrives on innovation.

So here are some guidelines and questions to ponder as you craft your unique magical framework:

Analyze Existing Systems: What makes them tick? Is it the laws, the setting, the cultural context? How can you take a known concept and turn it on its head? For instance, if elemental magic is overdone, what about a system based on abstract concepts like time, sound, or dreams?

Mix and Match: Combine disparate systems. Perhaps in your world, astrology-based magic is combined with bio-magic, where celestial signs grant specific biological enhancements.

Internal Consistency: Ensure that the rules of your magic system are internally consistent. If you're coming up with something new, like Brian McClellan with his “godglass,” consider the broader implications. How would such a system affect economics, politics, or social dynamics?

Ask 'What if?': Let your imagination roam by posing hypothetical questions. What if magic was a tangible, finite resource? Or perhaps it's a virus, and only those infected can wield its power?

Balance: Whichever route you choose, remember that each magical ability should come with its own set of limitations, costs, or ethical dilemmas. This not only adds depth but also avoids the pitfall of making your characters too powerful to face any real challenges.

Above all, let creativity be your guiding star.

Embrace the known, but never be afraid to venture into the uncharted, for therein lies the magic that readers will remember.

Source ⚜ Writing Notes & References

I think the reason a lot of leftists struggle with disability justice is that they haven't moved past the concept that discrimination isn't bad because it's objectively "wrong." yes, sexists are objectively wrong when they try to claim women are dumber than men. yes, antisemites are objectively wrong that jewish people are inherently greedy and run the state. yes, racists are wrong when they try to claim that white people are the superior race. and so on.

but then with disabled people, there are a lot of objective truths to the discrimination we face. people with IDs/LDs do fall behind and struggle with certain concepts. physically disabled people are often weaker and less capable of performing demanding tasks than able bodied people. many of us with mental illnesses are more reckless and less responsible. a lot of us are dependent on others and do not contribute much "worth".

and guess what? disabled people still deserve a place in the world. disabled people still deserve the supports they need. because they are people, and that should be enough to support them and believe they deserve a place at the table.

if your only rebuttal against discrimination is its objective inaccuracies, you are meeting bigots where they are at. you are validating the very concept that if and when people are truly incapable of being equal to the majority, that means they are worth less. this causes some leftists to then try to deny the objective realities of disabled people and/or become ableist themselves.

your rallying behind marginalized groups should start and end with the fact that people are completely worthy of life and equity, because they are fellow human beings and that should, frankly, be enough.

Questions to ask yourself when creating a magic system

I have more questions for you!!! :D

As there are no real-word examples for this one, I’m going to be talking a lot about my own magic systems, and those of the medias I enjoy! There will be a list of all the things I referenced at the bottom!

What does magic DO

Exactly the title. What does magic do? (Can it make potions? Cast spells? Animate things? Transfigure things? Create things? Kill things? Cast hexes or charms? Multiple of these?)

What does magic have an affect on? What does it not?

How strong is magic? What are its limits? How do these differ from person to person, or place to place? 

Does magic do different things for different people?

How does a magic caster’s intention for a ‘spell’ affect it? Is magic entirely reliant on a mental image of what is wanted, or does it need to be casted a certain way to work, like a recipe?

How is magic casted? (Note- I recommend being creative here! It doesn’t have to just be waving a wand. It can be through making pottery, it can be through sewing certain patterns, or dancing a certain dance, etc etc etc)

How can spells be used for something that is not their intended/common purpose? How are new uses of magic discovered? Which uses are most common, and why?

How does societal standards affect the use of magic? Will less people know about more harmful or taboo spells? Will it be less common for, say, a woman to use/be trained in magic?

Source of Magic 

Where does magic come from? (Do the gods give access to their most devout followers? Is it handed down in one’s blood? Does it come from the earth?)

Is magic learnt, or are people born with it? (E.g does magic work through potions that can be made by anyone with the right ingredients, or is it only possible if one has magic already in their blood?)

Can someone who logically shouldn’t know magic learn/possess it by alternate means? (E.g. Luz from The Owl House learning magic  via ‘glyphs’ despite not being a witch) how would people treat this? (Is it seen as ‘lesser’ or somehow not ‘real’ magic?)

Can magic be harnessed through a wand/staff/etc? Can it only function through this conduit, or can it be done without? How does magic function if it does not have the aforementioned conduit? (Is it harder to manage? Is it more dangerous? Is it simply lesser?) 

Another dot-point because the last one was far too long; how is the use of ‘magical aides’ (wands, etc) treated? (Is it seen as something only a child would use? Is it very common? Is not using one seen as dangerous and bad?) How does the function of magical aides affect this? (Note- a very good example of this is the string in A Marvellous Light, which functions via ensuring a magicians cradles [hand movements one does to cast a spell] are more precise. It is only used by those with little magic, so it is looked down upon.)

How would one learn magic? (Is magic taught in schools? Are there books on it?)

Can magic be done/enhanced if multiple people cast it together? How would this be done? 

Is magic a separate entity from it’s user? Is it an entity at all? Can it react without instruction/ disobey it’s user? Is it a possession of it’s user? Is this different/ perceived differently for different people?

Can magic be mistreated/ abused? (Note- here I do not mean an ‘abuse of power’ I mean abuse in the way one could abuse a pet) what are the consequences of this? (Might magic stop working, or turn on it’s user?)

Affect on Culture/the greater world

Who has magic? Who does not? Who knows about magic? Who does not? Is it a secret? How is this secret kept? Who enforces that it must be a secret? What is the punishment for letting the secret be known?

Can people have more or less magic? Can people have more or less knowledge on it, or skill with it? Does this cause any power imbalances or issues for either side? 

How do the uses of magic impact the way things are done? (E.g. if there is a spell used to dry things, people may not use drying racks.) would the skills of those with more magic be useful in a work setting? (E.g. if some people know the aforementioned drying spell and some do not, might those who do know it work as something close to a washerwoman because of their skill?)

Is magic regulated at all? Who regulates it, what are the regulations, how strict are they, and what are the punishments for breaking them?

Is magic seen as normal? (Keep in mind: if magic is possessed by a majority of people, it very well may be. Because of this, characters may be less likely to be impressed by magic. Think about how this will affect the language surrounding magic, and how people treat it.)

How will different people view or interact with magic? (E.g. a rebellious teen, a businessman and an elderly woman are not going to have the exact same view or uses of magic. Try to explore this!)

How will those with a great deal of magic view those without/ without a great amount, and vice versa? How does this affect the world and it’s prejudices?

Consequences

How can magic hurt a person if misused/overused/ used at all? (Is the damage physical, mental, physiological, all three?) (E.g. my own magic system causes people to actively unmake themselves as they use their magic, leading to sickness, insanity, derealisation, hallucinations, etc etc etc)

Is this damage known? How does the knowledge of it affect the treatment of magic? (Are people terrified of it? Do they not care, and see it as a worthy risk? What might lead  someone to push through the damage?)

How does this damage manifest, and how noticeable is it? (E.g. Are there physical scars or other warning signs, or is it entirely unnoticeable until it is too late, like magical rabies?)

Can damage from magic be reversed or healed? How? Can potential damage be avoided? How? 

Can one’s magic turn on oneself? How would this happen, and what are the consequences of this? 

Can magic be hurt/diminished? How does this affect its users? (E.g. silver and werewolves)

When an attempt at magic fails, how does it fail? Is it like baking, where at worst it’ll ‘taste good, but be a little dry’ or is it like mixing volatile chemicals, where at worst you die?

Appearance

How does magic look? (I highly recommend finding a metaphor or motif for magic, as this really helps flesh out its appearance and makes it easier to describe!!)

Can its appearance look different for different people? Can it change over time?

Does magic manifest itself via means other than visual? (One of my characters has very strong nature magic, and thus he grows flowers when he is happy, and always smells floral)

Does magic have a physical effect on it’s users? (E.g. the dark magic in The Dragon Prince)

Is one able to tell when magic has been cast upon something? 

Every piece of media I referenced in this, in order of appearance

The Owl House, a TV show on Disney written by Dana Terrace

A Marvellous Light, a novel written by Freya Marske (this series is a wonderful example of how to make a magic system. It is very well thought out, and the varied experiences and views of magic for each magician character is so, so good. 10/10. If you want a good example of magic please read this!!! (Granted I might be a little biased because I just love this book series))

The dragon prince, a TV show on Netflix

As a late diagnosed autist I will say one of the most damaging but transformative experiences I've ever had was being misdiagnosed with BPD.

Everyday my heart goes out to people with BPD.

The amount of stigma and silencing they face is astonishing and sickening.

I took DBT for years. Therapists use to turn me away because of my diagnosis.

I would be having full blown autistic meltdowns, crying for help literally - but because I was labeled as BPD ANY time I cried I was treated as manipulative and unstable.

As if the only reason I could be crying was if I was out to trick someone.

95% of the books out there with Borderline in the title are named shit like 'How to get away from a person with Borderline', 'How to stop walking on eggshells (with a person who has BPD)'

I was never allowed to feel true pain or panic or need.

That was 'attention seeking behavior', not me asking for help when a disability was literally inhibiting my ability to process emotions.

There were dozens of times where I had a full meltdown and was either threatened with institutionalization or told I was doing it for attention.

My failing relationships weren't due to a communication issue, or the inability to read social cues. No, because I was labeled borderline, my unstable relationships were my fault. Me beggong nuerotypicals to just be honest and blunt with what they meant was me pestering them for validation.

Borderline patients can't win.

And the funny thing is - I asked my therapist about autism. I told her I thought I was on the spectrum.

BPD is WILDLY misdiagnosed with those with autism and I had many clear signs.

Instead - she told me 'If you were autistic we wouldn't be able to have this conversation'. She made me go through a list of autistic traits made clearly for children, citing how I didn't fit each one.

And then she told me that me identifying with the autism community was the BPD making me search for identity to be accepted - and that I wasn't autistic, just desperate to fit in somewhere.

I didn't get diagnosed for another ten years. For ten years I avoided the autism community - feeling as if I were just a broken person who wanted to steal from people who 'really needed it'.

Because of my providers - I began to doubt my identity MORE, not less.

Ten years of thinking I was borderline and being emotionally neglected and demonized by a system meant to help me.

To this day, I still don't trust neurotypicals. Not fully.

I know I'm not borderline now - but my heart aches for them. Not for the usual stuff. But for the stigma. And the asshole doctors. And the dismissiveness and threatening and the idea of institutionalization hanging over their head.

I love Borderline people. I always will. I'm not Borderline but if you are I love you and I'm sorry.

You're not a bad person. You're not a therapists worst nightmare, you are a human with valid feelings and fears.

Borderline people I'm sorry.

Not my usual content, but I made something I wanted to share...

Edit: Now with an ID from @a-captions-blog! Thank you for writing it!

[Art description: A Pokémon-themed comic featuring OP as a Pikachu. Long description follows.

1. The tips of Pikachu’s ears are shown with text that says, ‘I’m a Pikachu / My world is filled with lots of cool stuff. Sometimes it feels like anything is possible!’ Under this is a collage showing a Charizard, a Pidgeotto, a Nidoking, an Eevee, and an Ivysaur, all in the background as the Pikachu looks up in wonder. Text reads, ‘All sorts of types, all sorts of attacks, all sorts of Pokemon.’

2. Text says, ‘But...only two ways a Pikachu’s tail could look.’ Two boxes in the upper corners show the male and female Pikachu tails, respectively. The male has a rectangular end to his tale, and the female has a heart-shaped end to hers. Text continues, ‘So then, what am I?’ A large drawing of the narrator Pikachu is shown, with an arrow pointing to their tail, whose end is split somewhat like scissors and doesn’t match either the male or female drawing above.

3. Text says, ‘Too pointy to be [female], too much of a V-shape to be [male]. I thought there was something wrong with me.’ Under this are three cascading panels showing the Pikachu from below at an angle emphasizing their tail. The second panel shows mel further away, and in the final panel she have disappeared entirely. Text on the panels reads, ‘I felt / very, very, very / alone.’

4. Text says, ‘But then, something happened. I found others like me.’ The art shows the narrator reaching out to another Pikachu. Under this are three other Pikachu. One has a rounded tail, one has a tail that has been stitched up to be rectangular, and one has a tail with a slight spike at the tip.

5. Closeups are shown of each of the tails from the previous panel, with text that says, ‘Round tails, scarred tails, spiky tails.’ Under this is a drawing of the Pikachu all hugging with lightning coming from their cheeks. Text reads, ‘They told me nothing was wrong with me, and I wasn´t alone anymore.’

6. Text says, ‘There are many ways a Pikachu’s tail can look. I’ve heard there’s at least over 30 different variations.’ Under this are two panels. The first panel shows the narrator lying on their back on a background of male and female symbols. Text reads, ‘Some days are still hard.’ In the second panel, the Pikachu with the scarred tail is shown with text that says, ‘My friend tells me her tail used to look just like mine. It was taken from her.’

8. The narrator is shown sitting and looking upwards. Text reads, ‘Some trainers won’t accept Pikachu that aren’t [male] or [female]. They alter our tails without our consent. But things are getting better. We are making change. We’re fighting so that our tails will be left alone.’ Under this is a panel showing the four Pikachu running happily towards the right. Text reads, ‘We’re all on a spectrum. Every tail looks different; anything is possible.’

The final text reads, ‘This is a comic about intersex people.’ The watermark in the lower right says @ PostManic. \End descriptions