He Is, Father

Doilies! (PNGs)

idk if i told the full story on here but i signed up for a research study where they were testing a new opioid, and it was supposed to be up to 5 injections increasing the dose to see what people could tolerate

i got the first dose and almost immediately fainted. they had to call in a whole medical team and it was a huge fucking deal

i was kicked out of the study and got a phone call later where they were supposed to tell me what the drug was, so i could avoid it in the future. they told me it was saline water. a placebo. i fainted from the placebo effect.

anyway, it's been a few months and i just got an email from the same department asking me to be a research participant in a new study: testing the effects of open-label placebo.

open label placebo is when the subjects and the researchers all know it's a placebo. they're testing the power of my mind. my power to imagine anything.

i like to think that they chose me for this specifically based on their past experience with me. "get the guy who fainted like a little bitch boy from saline water." anyway i just submitted all my info and i'm looking forward to getting started.

good notes from my beta reader

to be seen without performing. to be heard without screaming. to be missed without disappearing. to be enough without proving it. to be held without falling apart. to be understood without explaining. to be wanted without conditions. to be. to be.

sorry but karen watching frank sleep hits every one of my buttons

what i would like out of the "triangle" is frank to start internally pushing back on the matt/good me/bad dichotomy he's been clinging to these past 6 years. conscious of it or not he uses matt as a bumper between him and karen when he thinks karen is getting too close ("almost took the shot/may i ask why you didn't?/you never lie to me/does he?") or in the hospital she tells him she'll love him despite the corpses that keep piling up around him ("maria knew what i was and she loved me anyway.") and her overtures get shut down with a ("does that matt murdock know you're here?")

except 6 years later and just the sight of karen and matt in proximity together is stirring up his jealousy. i think he could rationalize it at first but the softer, loving side of frank that is dying at being shoved down and forced to live in a murder bunker is going to start reminding him of all the grace and acceptance karen has offered and maybe? hopefully? start to see himself from her perspective.

You know what, Frank? I'm not buyin' it. I don't believe you don't care.

in fanfiction we must sometimes ask ourselves not if he would do that but under what conditions would he would do that

shout out to Frank Castle's tits. that's all.

Frank not caring what anyone thinks of him, but as soon as karen page is disappointed in him, he has the saddest puppy dog eyes you’ve ever seen.