If I Go A Day Without Listening To Music I Turn Into Dust

Reblog to give the person you reblogged this from a Croissant (🥐).

what if you went into a bar and the bartender was a fungus-girl and when she gave you your drink she said “you seem like a really fungi!” only some of her spores broke off in the drink and when they reached your stomach they started growing and spreading and entering your bloodstream and at last one reached your brain stem where it planted itself firmly and then your own body started acting against your will and you hiked and you climbed to a very tall place, far above all the foliage, and at last the fungi burst out of your eyes, sprouting into a thousand different intricate colors, and before long a bird girl showed up and started poking at your flesh and you realize in your last moments that this is what it’s all about, you were always meant to join the chain of life only as a single link in some monstrous fungi’s reproductive cycle—and before you can even scream the bird girl plucks your head off with her beak. and and and what if it were like a sexual thing

Freelancing in technical theater means you’re on a lot of different email lists. People need a crew, they send out an email, you respond with your availability. Now, most people start these with things like “hey folks” or “hi everyone”. Neal is not most people.

His openers started off innocent enough.

Then, he started to push boundaries.

And as you can see, it has spiraled out of control since then.

don’t forget to eat & drink enough so you are hydrated & nutrient-dense for the vampire who is going to be feeding on you

One of my favourites from the subreddit

Well I would give a medieval peasant some spaghetti.

[first day as a hostage negotiator]

bank robber: these rich fucks ruined me life! I want ten million dollars and a helicopter

me: bitch me too. I'm switching sides

Having a bruise is great it’s like a second clitoris but it only does masochism