What We Can Learn From Ewan McGregor's Instagram

Henley Wednesday -

Good day everyone! You're halfway through the work week as of noon so congrats! You did it. As a reward, feast your eyes on this British, henley wearing gentleman of your dreams.

It's Mattew Lewis aka Neville Longbottom from the Harry Potter films and every single time I see a picture of him looking so handsome and debonaire I am shocked, SHOCKED that he is the same person as this:

In fact, I found the top insanely attractive shot him in this amazing BuzzFeed Article because it's important to site your sources.

The Bachelor - Episode 8 Recap

Love is dead and there is no point in going on. I don't know how much I can support the happiness of these people today because I watched last night's Downton Abbey. Did you?

SPOILERS AHEAD - Did you scream at the TV and shoulder shaking sob just as hard as you did when Lady Sybil died in her mother’s arms? BEAUSE LOVE IS DEAD. I CAN’T GO ON. I’M GOING TO STAY IN MY PAJAMA’S AND DRINK HEAVILY TO GET THROUGH THIS. SEAN WILL NEVER LOVE ANYONE LIKE MATTHEW LOVED MARY. JULIAN FELLOWES, HOW COULD YOU TAKE HIM FROM ME? HE HAD NO CHIN AND A PUDDING FACE BUT WAS SO SO HOT AND SO, SO PERFECT.

No more Downton related spoilers henceforth.

Let’s go on some hometown dates and meet Desiree’s horrible hillbilly brother.

AshLee and her adoptive family are up first in Houston. She has her tiny dog Bailey with her for their wee picnic date in a majestic field.  I assume her family is great with zero foreknowledge because if they were dramatic we’d have seen them in the previews.

“Here I am about to introduce this man that I have fallen into love with to my family,” AshLee gushes to camera which is a fun way to bend all the grammar rules for coherence. Ash is so super excited because she finally feels like she’s met a man who is as exceptional a man as her father. I want to hate that, but I can’t. I guess in my mourning I’ve become more lenient with them for saying cheesy things because, like, everyone deserves love.

AshLee’s house is exactly how you would picture the house of a preacher from Texas. Her father is a giant Texan with a mustache and her mom is portly and full of love. I love her parents immediately, and I speculate that they’d get along great with Sean’s family. AshLee cries when telling her parents about the polar bear plunge which is a little much, and then she makes her parents extremely uncomfortable by telling them they rolled around in the sand in St. Croix.

When Sean and her mother Deborah have their chat, guess what they talk about? You’ll never guess. It’s a real shock. Are you ready? Did you guess? Did you guess it was her adoption and abandonment issues? IT WAS! YOU WIN!

Her dad is protective but still very sweet. He gives Sean his blessing to ask AshLee to marry him should he so desire. And then her dad cries telling Sean how he fell in love with AshLee the moment he met her, and I cry a little because it’s a father’s love, you guys! It’s a really great hometown date; I’ll give it an A.

Cute Catherine and her hometown of Seattle are up next! Of course she is from Seattle. It makes perfect sense. They’re of course going to that famous Seattle farmer’s market and have adorable times. They do the famous fish throwing thing, and Sean gets involved and my heart gets a little involved with some of the burly fish mongers who are tossing fish about. I can’t imagine him smelling very good after that. Then they make the vegan catch dead and decapitated fish. I like that she’s game for it and is adorable while doing it. They are one beautiful couple, and can you just indulge me for a second and imagine how beautiful their multicultural kids would be? So beautiful.

Over lunch, Catherine gives Sean a crash course on Filipino culture, and MAN is she cute. He meets up with her mom, her grandma, and her two sisters. Their house is artsy and cozy and filled with culture and love. They have such a cute time. I have no other words. Everything is cute. Even grandma telling him he’s handsome in broken English.

Her sisters however are blank faced while they have a serious talk about their relationship. They are really combative, and she’s kind of frazzled by it. I totally understand why they would be protective and try to challenge her, so I hope she feels confident going forward.

When Sean and the sisters talk, I worry that they’re trying to dissuade him. The older sister really takes the lead on saying so many words, like a lot of words, to say almost nothing. They shit talk her, basically, and call her messy and moody and hyper-focused which SUCKS of them to do.

Her mom is the best one. She is warm but honest and very sincere in her responses to Sean as to her feelings about their relationship. When he asks for her blessing to ask her to marry him, she doesn’t give a straight answer. This worries him. In the end he feels like he ended up with more questions than he got answers. It was an A+ first half of the day, and a C meeting with the family. But I’m rooting for those two crazy kids!

Lindsay brings Sean down to Missouri to meet her military family in her military base hometown. It’s safe to say this isn’t where she grew up, but it’s where her family is now. So they have as nice a time you can have in a sleepy little town in Missourah. Lindsay is whatever and just kinda ditzy. Sean is red as a beat as he’s talking about meeting her dad who is a two-star general. He is a nervous little strawberry.

Oh good now it’s time for planned fun. Lindsay makes Sean put on a really cool mock turtle neck army t-shirt and olive-drab pants and makes him get “military” ready to meet her dad. He can’t stop giggling. I’m glad to have proof that no one looks good in a mock turtle neck. YA HEAR THAT, LL BEAN? NO ONE.

I understand why Sean is so nervous a little better when Lindsay explains that people who graduate from West Point come to Fort Wood to do their officer training and her dad is in charge of all of it. Her dad is in charge of the training of the people who survived West Point. So. Yeah. Sean’s nervousness is completely warranted.

Her mother is just all bubbles and her younger brother is shy and nice. Her dad is intimidating. She is just like her mother. Somehow I love the effervescence on her mother where I find it cloying on Lindsay. Her family makes me like her more. Dammit. During the chat with her mom, Sean says the same things he’s been saying the whole time. Lisa gives Sean her seal of approval.

The conversation he has with Lindsay’s dad is less warm. By no means is he scary or mean or horrible, but he’s concerned that his daughter will get hurt. When Sean asks for the marriage blessing, Papa General hems and haws over it. He’s very kind about it though, he’s not declining to answer because he’s a dick, he’s just explaining his thoughts the best he knows how. He ends up giving his blessing, and I totally love him. Her family is great, and they give him a set of identification tags from the Army and oops I’m crying. It’s just such a nice gesture. I’m so emotionally vulnerable right now. A- minus overall hometown date.

Let the drama begin! We’re heading back to LA to meet Desiree’s family. I know she lives in Charleston, and for some reason I never would’ve thought her family lived in Los Angeles, particularly because of what I’ve seen of her hillbilly brother. They go hiking like I see people do in movies and TV shows all the time. She is great for admitting that she just wants to go on hikes and make out. Yeah, Dez. That is pretty great, girl. I feel you.

They walk into her house which is nice and not, in fact, a tent. The two of them make dinner together, and I’m confused about the family situation and what her family does now so as to afford a nice, stable home. When there’s a knock on the door, some dork in plaid shows up. Dez does not seem pleased. He wants to talk to Dez and tries to get the cameras to turn off. He says, non-convincingly, “Dez. I love you. I’ve been texting, calling you. Where’ve you been?”

“I’ve been busy,” she says and gestures to Sean.

Sean’s response is, “Wooooaaaah.” His wheels are turning pretty hard. Mine are too. I sense a prank.

The fight escalates, and Sean sticks up for her and tells this guy to hit the road. Then the truth is revealed. I bet it’s a prank. It is a prank. The goober guy is an actor, and Dez used it as payback for the terrible prank he pulled on her. But Dez wins on this one because she got to see Sean be protective and great. Still maybe not the best timing given his anxiety about meeting the fam?

Too bad the real drama is coming! We meet her mom Roxanne, her dad Tony, and her brother Nate. Nate has a tattoo of a necklace, so that’s a thing. Perpetually accessorized. Her father is just adorable, and you can see where she got her mega-watt smile. Her mother is too sweet. The conversation he had with her dad went well even though they didn’t show us. Everything seems great…until.

Nate is skeptical and inquisitive and accusatory. He’s weird. Nate thinks this is stupid. He said so. He doesn’t want her to fall for the “wrong dude.” He seems wise and full of worldly experience in addition to being the kind of guy from whom you’d take important life advice.

He pulls Sean aside for a heart-to-heart. Nate’s mouth is tiny and his ears are big. He accuses Sean of not feeling anything for his sister. He doesn’t believe that Sean reciprocates any emotion for his sister, but that is patently false. Sean is the epitome of diplomacy in how he’s talking to this guy coming at him hard and heavy.

“I think you’re just a playboy having fun with the circumstances,” Nate laughs at him. It’s rude.

Sean is riled up for real because his dignity and integrity are at stake now, and he can’t convince this hillbilly that he’s for real. In the end, Sean just clams up, and they head back inside to stop the conversation. Dez immediately knows something is wrong and the whole rest of the family tells Nate to shut up. They are embarrassed and awkward which is so disappointing because her parents are so sweet and DEZ IS THE BEST. COME ON. SEAN. DON’T DOUBT WHAT YOU HAVE HERE. YOU CAN FIX THINGS WITH HER BROTHER OR JUST GET OVER IT.

The only thing left is the rose ceremony back at the Bachelor Mansion. Sean tells us that he feels confident about seeing a future with AshLee and Lindsay, but a question mark lingers over Desiree and Catherine. FINALLY, we get a Chrarrison sit-down-talk-about-your-feelings-time.

Sean is confused. The only negative he has for Dez is her brother. The negative he has with Catherine is that she is a free-spirit and isn’t in a place where she’s ready to completely settle down and get married. The choice there is pretty clear-cut to me, but who knows what Sean is going to think.

As a side note, how in the name of all things is the girl who got out of the limo in a wedding dress and got blasted the first night in the semi-finals of this thing? How is that possible? That girl is my age, and I do not understand what is going on with her whole situation. LINDSAY.

Sean pregame huddles at the rose ceremony that standing before them he still doesn’t know who he’s going to send home. This is weighing heavily on his heart; as well it should be, but come on dude. Don’t be stupid.

Before he gives out even the first rose, Dez pulls him aside to talk to him. Her gold sequin dress rules. She cries trying to apologize for the way her brother behaved. She knows things aren’t good for her. He is calm and reassuring, BUT I DON’T KNOW WHAT HE’S THINKING.

He calls AshLee first. Next he calls Lindsay, like we knew he would. And so now it’s down to my two favorites, and this blows. The little hamster powering his brain mill is running so fast while he agonizes with the last rose. He puts it down. HE PUTS IT DOWN. WHAT’S HE DOING?  HE WALKS AWAY. REAL TIME REATIONS HAPPENING I’VE HAD TOO MUCH WINE MAYBE. The intervention music starts up while he goes back to the room to look at the ladies’ pictures one more time.

So he puts the two girls through a tortuous wait while he figures out what he’s gonna do be\cause he didn’t figure it out before! Sean! Get your shit together! He finally comes back into the room to deal the final blow to one girl.

He calls Catherine’s name. Oh no. Oh boy. I am breaking inside for Desiree. I cannot believe Sean let her brother ruin this. OH WELL. DEZ FOR THE NEXT BACHELORETTE. COME ON NOW. WHO WOULDN’T WANT TO MARRY THAT BRIDAL CONSULTANT WITH A SMILE AS BRIGHT AS THE SUN?! I’M SO HURT BY THIS DECISION SEAN, BUT YOU’LL BE SORRY WHEN SHE FINDS THE MAN OF HER DREAMS RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER AND YOU ARE SINGLE WITHIN 8 MONTHS OR LESS.

SEE YOU LATER SUCKER; I’M ON DEZ’S SIDE NOW. I MEAN, PICK WHO YOU’RE GONNA PICK, BUT DEZ IS THE BEST AND YOU ARE A DOOFUS FOR NOT SEEING IT. Just propose to whoever you’re going to propose to on that rice paddy in Thailand so we can move on to Dez finding love.

Alright, well, because God hates me, there is a surprise tomorrow night in the form of a Sean Tells All special. I will see you all for that journeyers because this man has some major ‘splaining to do. But for now I’m heading back to my wine. Back. to my. wine.

Female Empowerment Friday -

Today’s song is from Emeli Sande, one of my absolute favorite new female artists. She is straight up amazing. This song is one of my favorites to blast while I’m getting ready to go out because it makes me feel unstoppable and so affirmed! So do the same! Close your eyes and do a little dancing and let yourself feel full of life and wonder and fearlessness!

Her entire debut album “Our Version of Events” is fantastic as well. I highly recommend that for further listening throughout the day and your life in general.

Tribute Time: Parks and Recreation

I know you've all been dying for me to speak in more hyperbolic terms. So here you go: The greatest show on television right now is not Game of Thrones or Mad Men or even Modern Family. Though, holy crap, I love those shows.

         No, the greatest show on TV is Parks and Recreation. In a vast sea of ensemble mocumentary shows, this one stands out because it's populated with the most likable group of characters in the most likable fictional small town of Pawnee, Indiana. It is an unabashedly happy show without being saccharine or twee.

             If you aren't watching it, you should be. It will do nothing but bring you happiness. If you haven't given yourself this great gift, or you'd like to compare your list to mine, I bring you my top five favorite episodes of the show:

               Season 3; Episode 13 "The Fight" - Things get a little heated while everyone's at the Snakehole Lounge pimping Tom's latest business venture Snake Juice.

Season 4; Episode 6   "The Treaty" - A Model UN conference sets off Ben and Leslie, bringing their internal conflict very, very external.

Season 3; Episode 5   "Media Blitz" To promote the upcoming Harvest Festival (also a great episode) Ben and Leslie set out to talk to local Pawnee media giants, and it turns out Ben is a little camera shy.

Season 3; Episode 2  "Flu Season" A pretty violent strain of flu sweeps through Pawnee and manages to take down even its strongest citizens. Chris (Rob Lowe) is really the star of this one.

Season 2; Episode 9  "The Camel" The whole department sets out to submit a mural, but butt heads when everyone has their own, very personal, idea. It showcases each character perfectly. 

                As a general post-script, this great show is also home to the greatest character ever written for film and television: Jean-Ralphio Saperstein.

The Bachelor - Sean Tells All Recap

Everyone gather round, grab a cup of tea or coffee and snuggle up for a riveting gab session with your two best friends Sean Lowe and Chris Harrison. Those two are thick as thieves! Kind of. Sean didn't really talk to Chris that much which could be why he's made some really questionable decisions. Tonight, perhaps, we'll get some answers.

The interview is timed between hometown dates and the infamous "fantasy suite" dates (jk it’s happening right now). How will Sean handle that little pickle with his squeaky clean Christian image? And why don't the makeup people ever darken his eyebrows?! Just a little shading to make him look like a person! It’s all I’m asking for here people.

First topic up for discussion is how he sent Desiree home last night. To understand this decision, we travel back to the hometown date where Chris asserts that “the brother really questioned everything that’s sacred to you.” That seems a little hyperbolic, but sure, let’s go with it.

Sean fills us in that apparently Nate, Dez’s brother, has had a bit of a trouble past and is trying to “straighten himself out” which explains the necklace tattoo and general horrible attitude and lack of tact/manners. While Nate was ranting that Sean was a playboy, Sean wanted to hit the guy for insulting the core of his character. That would have been horrible but also kinda great because they were sitting by that pool and it would’ve been a very cool choreographed fight scene. But violence is not the way to solve things, kids.

What we didn’t see though, was the FIRST conversation Sean and Nate had where everything went fine! Nate called him a “really nice dude” and gave his approval! So what did he get drunk or something and go nuts on Sean for fun? Like, what the eff happened during dinner? “Ultimately I just chalk it up to him being a jackass,” Sean concludes. Fair point, man. Fair point, if inelegant.

We watch the emotional good-bye between Sean and Desiree one more time just to make our hearts break. I really feel like she’s in perfect position to be the next Bachelorette, so there’s that hope in her future.

Next up we recap the relationship with Sarah, our beautiful and artsy friend born with one arm. It reminds me how great she is and how much I want to go see movies and hang out with her. Sean doesn’t really reveal anything we didn’t already know about how at the end, he just didn’t feel the spark with her. He shares how much he wishes the best for Sarah and that she will find the love of her life. Those are some hollow words, bro, no matter how well intentioned.

Selma the Iraqi who wasn’t allowed to kiss on TV but was super affectionate and cuddly is up next. We see all the ways they tried to get around kissing like butterfly kisses and Eskimo kisses and I hate it. Remember how she did finally kiss him and then he sent her home? Ugh. Painful.

Moving forward into the pain territory, we have to watch Lesley and Sean complete the world record for longest onscreen kiss one more time. We recap THEIR whole relationship next, and I’m getting cranky. I was promised a gossip session about Tierra, and I want that delivered. Oh, and just in case Lesley isn’t kicking herself enough for not telling Sean she loved him, he says that if she had done that, he probably would’ve gone home to meet her family. So there’s that.

TIERRA TIME! WOOOOT! After bringing us up to speed as if we haven’t been watching this whole season, Sean ultimately says he feels “like a fool” and that he was “duped.” Thank you for admitting that. “In hindsight, I wish I would’ve kept Jackie on the two-on-one!” YES. Oh keep going, give us more dish. And also, I’m just really glad that he let her go and that he can openly admit that she was not a great person. We don’t normally get this resolve.

The fight in Montana lasted for hours and moved rooms several times. Sean was also feeling like a cranky baby because being the Bachelor is not easy and it is hard to be paid to travel the world and fall in love with several beautiful women wa wa wa wa.

Now that the gossip circle is broken up there’s nothing really worthwhile to talk about. We see some more deleted scenes of fun antics and none of them are really that fun. Then Chris asks about what’s really going to go no inside the fantasy suites.

Sean says that he just sees it as an opportunity to really talk to the women with no cameras, no audience, just the two of them. Chris once again brings up that maybe in the past the fantasy suites have involved, oh I don’t know, some specific kind of act that for some reason people think only happens at night? “I say it’s really none of your business,” Sean beams to Chris.

“A gentleman to the end,” Chris concludes. I guess we could say that. Sure. I’ll give it to Sean for being a gentleman.

That wraps up our night! We'll see each other next Wednesday for the splendor and drama of Thailand and the overnight dates. Until then, please don't let anyone take your sparkle away, pumpkins.

Henley Monday -

Hi everyone! I hope you're pulling through as best you can today. I'll keep it short and get straight to the henley point: How adorable is Martin Freeman here? Can you even handle it? I barely can.

He is every bit a classic, charming off-beat and insanely talented Brit who brings great joy to me in all his roles. He brings great joy to me here as well in such soothing blue tones with a cheeky little grin. Thanks for the pick-me-up Martin!

"The Mindy Project" - A Season 1 Primer

The second season of The Mindy Project premiers tonight, and it’s one of the shows I’m most excited to see back on my TV screen. Maybe you are not like me and did not watch every episode of this show last year when it first aired, and then watched them all a second time (others a third…oops) right when the season ended in May. And maybe you are not like me and would NOT need to obsessively watch every episode of the first season before starting in on season two this evening. I am self-aware enough to know that I am insane and obsessive about my TV and accommodating enough to help you get ready for this very exciting premier.

It’s a primer! A pre-premier primer. It’s a list of the six best episodes of the season that give you a taste of what the show’s all about and catch you up on the plot just enough to get what’s going on in the premier tonight.

1.       “In the Club” – This is the third episode of the season, and the first one where I really saw the potential of the show. You should never judge any show, but particularly comedies, by their pilot episode and TMP’s kind of struggled for me. In the Club is a much better intro to the characters and the dynamic of the group at Schulman & Associates.

2.       “Thanksgiving” – Anna Camp, playing Mindy’s best friend Gwen, is featured heavily and very well here. This episode also guest stars the delightful Ed Helms! The Mindy Project has the greatest revolving door of guest stars maybe ever in a network sitcom. The highlight vignette for me is the storyline at Betsy’s home with Dr. Reed. Great, emotional story telling with the humor strung through in all the right places.

3.       “Josh and Mindy’s Christmas Party” – Ike Barinholtz’ as Morgan Tookers is far and away the funniest guy on the show. He gets me with real, out-loud laughs every time. I’m also a sucker for Christmas episodes, and TPM’s is a great one with plenty of love and also drama. Most importantly there’s a lot of that building sexual tension between Danny Castellano (Chris Messina) and Mindy.

4.       “My Cool Christian Boyfriend” – It was important to include this episode for certain plot aspects. We meet Mindy’s hunk du jour in Anders Holm as Casey, a “cool Christian” minister. The office takes a field trip to a women’s prison, and you can just imagine the hell that breaks loose. Now that we’ve all seen Orange is the New Black, we see prison differently, but it still holds up.

5.       “Santa Fe” – Do you want to see Clay Matthews giving a run down on Downton Abbey? Do you want to see Dr. Reed (Ed Weeks) and Morgan (Ike Barinholtz) becoming bros for life in a sweat lodge? Do you want to lose your mind in excitement over the least possible amount of physical contact between two characters? You do! The answer is: YOU DO.

6.       “Take Me With You” – The Season One finale sets up all the plot you’ll need to understand what exactly is happening when the show premiers tonight. You get the exciting image of Anders Holm reading David Sedaris in a tent. You get building sexual tension between Danny and Mindy. You get a scene where someone runs to express emotions realized! It’s a lot and a great crescendo to end the season.

Obviously I recommend watching the whole season once you’ve got yourself up to speed tonight. All of The Mindy Project is available to you on multiple streaming formats: Hulu, HuluPlus, FoxNOW app (and other less legal services I’m sure).  Please join in my obsessive love for the Mindy Project at 9:30 EST/ 8:30 CT Tuesdays on Fox.

Beyonce Monday -

No explanation necessary. This is Beyonce's world and we are all just incredibly #blessed to be living in it. Bow down to the Queen Bey.

And remember this Monday, and all your other days: You have as any hours in each day as Beyonce.

Now go get it.

Henley Monday -

Welcome to your week, folks. It's going to be a good one. You're going to be successful. You will have fun. You will come home every night and eat a delicious dinner. All the TV shows you love are going to be great this week. You will feel amazing and ready to start your day every time the alarm goes off. You will achieve all your goals and kick ass doing so.

I think. I mean, I don't really know. You are the master of your destiny, as they say. What I do know is that soultry look Josh Hutcherson is giving here could give me the confidence to go through my week exactly like that. It just says, calmly, confidently, "You got this."

I GOT THIS.

Henley Monday -

How many of you were rocking some serious heartburn late last night and early this morning after all your Super Bowl binge eating? Too much queso dip? Too much buffalo sauce? Too much sodium in general? Odds are you didn't sleep well, and so this Monday has been tougher than usual. 

But would you look at Dwyane Wade here smiling ear to ear in his formal henley-wear? King of Basketball style, he looks dapper as ever. Despite the fact that the spelling of his name defies logic and that he is my sworn enemy as a player for the Heat, he is a native Chicago-son and gets credit for being adorable and knowing good fashion.

So take a look at his henley-clad example as you eat some whole grains and vegetables today.