🛐strong Women

who else remembers the entire Doctor Who crew dancing to 500 miles with David Tennant because it’s the purest thing you’ll see today

never mind i am on board the ai wagon now

Hump Day

Something I meant to post LAST Wednesday to make @theresthesnitch smile, but I'm rubbish and it took me a whole week to actually write it

‘Da-dddddddy!’ Sirius opened his eyes just in time to see a small, blue haired whirlwind throw himself across the room and launch himself onto the bed.

‘Ooof!’ Sirius winced as Teddy landed squarely on his stomach.

‘Sorry! I’m sorry!’ Harry appeared, hurrying into the room, scooping Teddy off the bed and swinging him onto his pyjama clad hip. ‘I’ve been trying to keep him out for about an hour. He woke up early.’

‘Woke up early,’ Remus said neutrally, not looking up from the book he was reading, sitting propped up in bed, ‘Or was woken up early, hmm?’

He looked up and raised an eyebrow at Harry, who shifted guiltily, a flush just visible on his dark skin.

‘Erm…’

‘Erm indeed.’

‘What you talking about?’ Sirius sat up too, reaching out to take Teddy back from Harry who looked like he very much wanted to bolt.

‘Your son,’ Remus snapped his book shut, ‘Has been sneaking boys in and out of the house. Again.’

‘I haven’t!’ Harry began protesting. ‘He was just-‘ but he cut off as Teddy’s hair shifted from blue to dark brown and his eyes faded to grey and now it was Sirius’ turn to raise an eyebrow at him.

‘Ugh! Traitor!’ Harry flopped down onto the end of the bed. ‘I can’t believe my baby brothers sold me out.’

‘Harry,’ Sirius tried to chastise, but you could hear the smile, ‘Why? It’s not like we mind.’

‘It was late,’ Harry tipped his head back. ‘We were texting and one thing led to another and-‘

‘Yes, I don’t think we need to hear the end of the that sentence that you very much Haz,’ Remus interjected, kicking his feet and jiggling Harry’s legs.

‘I was going to say we missed each other!’ Harry kicked back. ‘You’ve got such a dirty mind, Da.’

‘Missing each other. Huh.’ Sirius lifted his hands behind his head and leant back against the head board. ‘Is that what the kids are calling it these days?’

Harry rolled his eyes. ‘All we did was sleep, Dad.’

‘Ahh yes, sleep.’ Sirius smirked. ‘Your Da and I do a lot of missing each other and sleeping. Don’t we, darling?’

‘Oh my God Dad, can you not?!’ Harry looked revolted.

‘If you say so dear,’ Remus reached over and patted Sirius leg. Sirius snatched up his wrist and brought it up to him mouth, kissing softly over the veins.

‘No,’ Teddy hijacked the moment, popping up from under the covers. ‘You didn’t sleeped! You said it was hump day! You humped!’

‘Harry!’ Both Remus and Sirius exclaimed and Harry scrambled upright.

‘No!’

‘Harry,’ Sirius said again, ‘You can’t talk about you and Cedric,’ he glanced at Teddy who was looking between them all, a big smile on his face, ‘S-H-A-G-G-I-N-G with Teds around! He’s three!’

‘I know!’ Harry spluttered. ‘I didn’t!’

‘HUMP DAY! HUMP DAY! HUMP DAY!’ Teddy chanted gleefully, bouncing up and down.

‘Well this proves otherwise!’

Harry dragged a hand down his face. ‘This is a fucking nightmare!’

‘For fuck’s sake, Haz!’ Remus had to shout over Teddy. ‘No swearing!’

‘You literally just swore!’

‘What? No I didn’t!’

‘You did, love,’ Sirius said, trying to tug Teddy downwards.

‘Oh for fucks sake!’

‘Moony!’

‘Da!’

‘HUMP DAY! HUMP DAY! HUMP DAY!’

‘Teddy!’ Sirius shouted, ‘Stop!’

Teddy fell silent a moment before saying quickly, ‘Humpday,’ once more.

‘Wednesday,’ Harry said. ‘When Teds asked why Cedric was here I told him it was because it was Wednesday and Wednesday is hump day.’

‘Why would you tell a three year old that, Haz?’ Sirius looked just as confused and affronted as before but Remus let out a noise of comprehension and sunk back into the pillows.

‘It’s a muggle saying,’ he told Sirius. ‘It means you’re halfway through the working week.’

‘No it does not!’ Sirius looked between Remus and Harry. ‘Really?’

‘Yeh,’ Harry said.

Sirius screwed his face up. ‘Merlin, muggles are weird. Sorry, Hazzie,’ he added, ‘I should have listened.’

Harry shrugged, ‘And I should have been quieter when letting Cedric out this morning.’

‘Yes, well,’ Remus began but Harry was quicker.

‘Come on trouble!’ He swung Teddy up off the bed, landed him one little foot on top of each of his own. ‘Why don’t you and me go out for breakfast. What do you say? Some man-on-man time?’

‘YAY!’ Teddy cheered, holding both of Harry’s hands tight and they slowly walked across the room together, Teddy still standing on Harry’s feet.

Remus looked torn between proud and frustrated. ‘It’s a good job you’re the worlds best big brother,’ he called across to Harry, who looked smug as he realised he was about to get away with it.

‘Love you Da!’

Remus huffed good naturedly and next to him Sirius chuckled.

‘Have a good time you two!’ He waved at Teddy who blew him a kiss. ‘Don’t rush back, H. Da and I have got a bit of missing each other to do.’

‘NO!’ Harry slammed the bedroom door shut and Sirius burst out laughing.

‘You’re a menace.’ Remus told him, rolling over onto his side and tugging Sirius down with him.

‘Good.’ Sirius said, resting their foreheads together. ‘Now then, Mr Black. It seems we have the house to ourselves.’

‘That we do,’ Remus inched forwards so their bodies were pressed together.

‘Mmm,’ Sirius rolled his hips, smiling at the audible gasp Remus let escape. ‘How about you and me celebrate Hump Day.’

@wolfstarmicrofic

excerpts from fics i will never write

small things that says i love you

Regulus cleans James’ glasses and that makes James love him even more

the short and sad life of RAB

Regulus watching the sunrise through his life

i’ve been missing you my whole life

Sirius is set to leave the Grimmauld Place, Regulus asks for a favor

is your anger bigger than your love?

In the aftermath of the prank, Remus gets help from an unlikely person

who’s fault is this?

James and Barty argues but nothing has changed, Regulus is still gone

i dont want to be lonely again

James doesnt want to be lonely and Sirius promises him he wont ever be again

i love you please let me go

Narcissa loves Alice so much that she lets her go

a mother’s advice

James for once wanted to forego his mother’s advice

she can ruin me

Marlene finds that Slytherins can be kind of addicting, especially Dorcas Meadowes

i cant

Black brothers never ask because they already know the answer

not him, anyone but him

Regulus’ whole world shifted when James said, “It came back. The cancer.”

FOOD HUBRIS BY COUNTRY america: believes their shitty local burger chain is a once-in-a-lifetime culinary experience because their mayo includes onion paste canada: if your poutine tastes better than the styrofoam plate it comes on you will discover the cold rage that lies under the canadian's polite exterior united kingdom: despite thriving and unique fusion cuisines spreading from the UK to the rest of the world in recent decades, when asked to think of 'british food' the average UK citizen will start a fight over whether cold beans with a modest side of white bread is haute cuisine france: McDo Ortolan Bunting italy: extremely mad about american versions of italian food. blissfully ignorant of what happens in brazil brazil: if the scientific genius applied to making cronenbergian pizzas were applied to anything else, brazilians would all be commuting to jobs on the moon. They have pizza that can feel pain russia: obviously mayonnaise is the perfect topping for all foodstuffs, this is solved. The question is what to put on top of mayonnaise, and it might never be answered germany: less a joke than a fact: the single most produced numbered Volkswagen part is a standardized currywurst

At this point I think some fantasy author should just bite the bullet and write a novel where a teenager protagonist lives as a secret magic-user in our world and tries to master their skills in a magic school, but it is explicitly not an English or American protagonist, and the more they start to understand the world they live in, they more they realise that globally magic practicioners are being heavily scrutinisied and supressed by an anglo-american hegemony, which was established during England’s imperial years and has survived to this day as the “global magical hegemony” where England has an unfair advantage over all others because they stole almost all powerful magical artefacts and now refuse to give them back.

And as the protagonist gets more involved in the ways magic outside of anglo-saxon cultural sphere is being supressed, the more the reader will realise that we are referencing Harry Potter here. People will talk about “That English school” where most hegemony enforcers are alumni from. People will share urban legends that they still allow segrecation and slavery in England, and no one will believe them “because come one, we live in the 21st century” but that one character who worked with the English keeps unnervingly quiet. And there are references to a dangerous high-level enforcer with green eyes who is also a war veteran, who isn’t an evil guy, but from the point of view of the story is very much an antagonist.

And the world is built in such a way that it slots seamlessly into Rowling’s canon, but at the same time not a single Harry Potter related thing is actually named. And obviously there should be a lot of friction regarding the fact that a lot of magic traditions around the world are built around the assumption that Gender-noncomformity and crossdressing and gender-identities outside from the “mundane” two sex system are signs of magical identity, expect for the Anglo-saxon hegemony which very agressively will stamp down on those traditions.

And now that I’m stream-of-consciousness writing all this down, I realise that the story should obviously climax with a heist, where a group misfits try to break into the hidden magical floor of the British Museum and steal back some artefacts.

And the story should be an anthology between several different writers from different countries, all disillusioned HP fans.

Queen <3

“Why can’t these two just get alo- nevermind.”

Wolfstar fights be like. 🤠 Lesson of the day: Don’t tell Padfoot where to go. It’ll be in Moony’s pants.

Dialogue inspo from @redadidassneakers text post 🤪

I need everyone to see this ABSOLUTE MASTERPIECE