Ocd Is Literally Just Having A Guy In Your Head That Torments You With False Prophecies & Visions

You and I are still here, and that’s enough.

idillionaire on instagram | Saturn, Sleeping at Last | Finale, Dear Evan Hansen | Light, Next to Normal | Wendy Cope, “The Orange”

Unfortunately, this will require reblogs.

howl moving castles your hermitopia

i hate when people tell me to trust my gut??? i have anxiety and trauma??? i’m always on high alert, nothing is ever safe, i can’t even trust myself

Thinking a LOT about Lucifer in the latest Hazbin episode. Idk what I was expecting but not this??

As I was watching my immediate thought was just "huh... Lucifer is kinda of weird..." but as the episode went on I realized the issue

the dude is off the chain depressed, like he says it as a joke but holy cow it is SO BAD

He's manically just creating rubber ducks cuz his daughter really like it that one time but it's empty, it's never good enough but he keeps doing it, maybe cuz he doesn't know how to pass the time otherwise.

like I get the feeling he HAS better things he SHOULD be doing than making rubber duck after rubber duck. At first I was like, "Bruh why isn't the king of hell doing anything?" aaaaand then it became clear...

The dude is disassociating so bad he can barely hold a conversation let alone remember information. He clearly WANTS to, he wants to be involved with his daughter so bad, he wants to care about the things she's doing so bad, but his depression keeps interfering. It's like he can only hear every other word and he grasps onto the ones he does hear semi-out of context. Like you can see every time he catches something that he hadn't before and he just "well shit I didn't catch that part"

and that's why he reacts so weird when people talk to him. He is struggling so bad to engage with the conversation he's only getting 50% of it

does that look like the face of a man who knows what the hell the conversation is even about??? he is STRUGGLING

like Charlie spent so long telling him about the hotel, and he STILL didn't understand what she wanted. Yeah it comes off as ditzy but literally I've been in that position where your brain just "nope, not doing this right now" and nerfs your conversation comprehension. So as someone who's BEEN in that position, to me it feels exactly like what he's dealing with. He's sorta engaged with the conversation, but only as much as his brain will allow

For example, when I'm dealing with this, this is what someone talking to me feels like this where the crossed out parts are what I missed and bold is what I catch, "Hey! You know I was thinking for dinner we could either make some chicken with rice? But if you don't feel like cooking, pasta is super easy and you love that right? What do you want to do?" you can kinda get that someone is trying to talk to you about dinner, and towards the end you get the impression that they asked something that needs your input so you can decently put 2 and 2 together and try and pass off, but crucial bits were left out, I would have no idea that either chicken or pasta is in the conversation only having heard "rice". When someone is just talking at me, I can decently pass off as being engaged but the second I'm required to participate in the conversation I'm screwed. Seem familiar? At which point I have 2 options, try to give a bullshit answer, or admit that I missed what they were saying and ask them to repeat

Lucifer, unfortunately, is trying so damn hard to hide that he's dealing with like 24/7 dissociation, so he can't admit that he's missing entire chunks of the conversation, hence his really weird replies. He does eventually get the full picture and then he and Charlie start having the real conversation

Also, the Alastor/Lucifer rivalry was hilarious but also really indicative of more of what Lucifer is dealing with

Alastor is, unfortunately, really good at picking up people's insecurities, and thanks to Charlie's description earlier and watching Lucifer clearly trying to overcompensate, he immediately picks up on the fact that Lucifer KNOWS he struggles to be a good dad (we know cuz it's cuz of the depression, hard to be engaged when your brain keeps turning off) and decides to rub salt in the wound by pretending he's been acting as a surrogate father to Charlie. Now why Alastor decided to pick a fight with the king of hell is beyond me, I do not understand Alastor (and I LIKE IT) (maybe it's cuz Alastor thinks he's hot shit and was expecting Lucifer to at least have heard of him but Lucifer just treats him like a nobody? who knows)(why would Lucifer listen to radio anyways when he can't even pay attention to a conversation it'd just be white noise)

But yeah I just was expecting someone who oozed either charisma or presence and instead I got a depressed dad who's dissociating so bad he can barely function and be present in his life. The only thing it seems he CAN do is make rubber ducks cuz his daughter really liked it that one time

Idk Lucifer is tragic to me. Whatever the full details of what heavan did to him absolutely broke him and he can't deal with it. He's aware of it, and he doesn't know how to fix it, so he tries to over compensate and sorta makes an ass out of himself but no one says or does anything cuz this guy is supposed to be THE king of hell

Suddenly it's making a lot more sense why he just rolls over and lets heaven do what it wants and even told Charlie to go in his place the start of the show. He's not in any headspace to hold a basic conversation let alone negotiate! He didn't even know who Alastor was, he's been so out of touch

idk I like him, he seems sweet, I hope Charlie brings some light back into his life. He really needs to get out of that rubber duck room

reblog for a group of crows to choose you as their leader and follow you around every waking moment

Huge shoutout to those who have been diagnosed with the same (mental) illness as their abuser(s). Who fear they might turn out to be abusive themselves because of their diagnosis. Who get triggered by the name of their diagnosis and the symptoms it brings because it is so strongly associated to their abuse. Whose abuse has made them scared and prejudiced of people with the same diagnosis and are now unsure and conflicted on how to feel about themselves. Who have a hard time researching their illness and treatment options because the association to their abuse triggers them too badly to continue reading about it. Who may end up discovering articles and videos warning people about their diagnosis and falsely claiming that they are abusive because of their diagnosis, but feeling strongly that the articles are correct because of their own experience being abused.

I see you and you are strong. Your diagnosis does not make you inherently abusive. You are nothing like them. You are your own person making your own choices. Abusing people is a choice, so as long as you do not make that choice you have nothing to fear. I hope that with time and possible therapy you are able to accept your own diagnosis as a seperate thing from your abuse. They are not inherently connected, they only share an association. Don't lose hope, I believe in you.

There's a few things you can do

1. Put it under a beanie or hoodie cover, jut out only some of the hair

2. Cut it yourself if you can, and you know it's safe to

3. Look at inspiration of men with ponytails and man buns to shift your dysphoria into euphoria, try men long hair hairstyles on youtube

hello!!! as a trans male i want some advice—

about a year ago my mom let me cut my hair to whatever length i wanted because i let her get me therapy or soemtjing and j got it to an awesome pixie cut!! but it’s grown out to my shoulders now and its givin me some major dysphoria and i’m too scared to convince my parents to get it cut again. and no, i haven’t come out to them. i’ve been giving them hints, though.

anyways, basically want i wanted to ask is should i cut it myself? or should i just like— suck it up??? putting it in ponytails doesn’t help with the dysphoria