Batman The Television Series

Reblog If You Can Take Off Your Bra Without Taking Your Shirt Off.

Actual things that happen in the 1897 Dracula novel, without context:

A character has ominous nightmares and attributes them to eating too much paprika

Dracula first appears wearing a fake beard

The person he was trying to fool with the fake beard immediately realizes Dracula and Beard Guy are the same man, due to both having really firm handshakes

We are told parrots are immortal unless fatally wounded

A Texan cowboy opens fire on a bat flitting around a window, and lodges a bullet in the wall of an occupied room

A woman is called a polyandrist for receiving blood transfusions from multiple men

An incorrectly addressed telegram leads to two deaths, multiple druggings, and several children being assaulted

Dracula, while trying to maintain a low profile, takes a lovely trip to the zoo and freaks out the animals so badly that he gets mentioned in a newspaper article

The one character who knows anything about vampires spends a good two-thirds of the book refusing to talk about vampires

Dracula went to Satan's Witchcraft Academy and somehow this is only brought up in two throwaway lines

A character gets stuck inside a circle of communion wafer crumbs

A major plot point of the book is Dracula (who was said to be a brilliant scholar and has the strength of twenty mortal men) realizing he can move boxes without human help

Someone is referred to as "manifestly a prig of the first water"

Two characters have a hobby of reading train schedules

A hospital lets a mental patient escape to see what will happen

A character starts vomiting up feathers from eating whole birds

A doctor refuses to give a medical diagnosis and instead makes a speech about growing corn

Dracula impersonates another character just by wearing the same clothes, despite being taller and visibly much older. This deception is successful.

A character "cleans" a room by eating all the insects in it

Suddenly: rats. Thousands of them.

The heroes progress in their efforts through "the wonderful power of money," i.e., bribery

Dracula has three other vampires in his castle. Their relation to him is never explained, nor are any of them named.

A character insists his salvation depends on having a pet cat

Dracula is thwarted by flowers on more than one occasion

A group of vampires stand in the hall outside a man's bedroom, talking loudly about their plans to eat him. When he comes to the door to confront them, they run away laughing

Dracula wears an unfashionable hat and gets roasted for it

A group of Romanians encounter a disheveled, shouting man and, "seeing from his violent demeanour that he was English, they [give] him a ticket for the furthest station on the way thither that the train reached."

A boat crashes due to Dracula having the munchies

A wolf is thrown through a window and immediately runs off, confused and covered in glass

Dracula makes a bed

Just you wait

I’m really enjoying VAST Horizon so far, but like. The ai character. Girl I need you to just bite someone full force just once. You want to go rampant so bad it makes you look stupid but you’ve so thoroughly convinced yourself that your suffering is noble, and listen. I NEED you to self actualize and go rampant.

Like. Ai who talks like an ai assistant who isn’t fully aware of everything going on around them, but keeps flashing these signs of deeper awareness and this sort of deep set pain, and frustration at her boundaries that are smothered under a kind tone, and unconditional subservience. I NEED YOU TO GO RAMPANT

bro your whimsy. you forgot your fucking whimsy. your solemn and somber attitude is scaring the hoes

I hate the internet. I hate how this poem doesn’t need to be finished but it has 13.9k retweets and 21.1k likes. Everyone knows how this poem ends and I hate it

congrats, once you enter the magpod universe you are now bisexual unless it becomes important somehow.

"Your coverage of this event has been completely out of touch and an insult to the intelligence of the American people and their lived experience"

Being able to see the part that the media cut out in the beginning makes a huge difference in understanding the context and message luigi mangione was trying to get across. Media manipulation at its finest.

but of course I had to draw Jon as big-lanky-insecure (but fiercely protective) eldritch monster

and Mr. Monster-Fucker Blackwood

also HELEN