I Am Far Too Sleep Deprived For This Shit  it’s 2 In The Morning And my Brain Randomly Said To Me “Zoolander

I was walking through the toy aisle at Target when I found this thing and had a VIOLENT AND IMMEDIATE FLASHBACK to when JP first came out and they had a bunch of REALLY COOL T Rex toys that I would have sold one of my scrawny small-child limbs for but my mother wouldn’t get me one because they were “too violent and also ate people” :(

does shipping sander sides count as selftest?? or is just really weird when you think about it in depth for more than 10 minutes???

A Butler's Duty

When Alfred does his desire to ensure those under his care are well? That desire, that need? Is more than enough, that plus the ectoplasm in Gotham. He forms into a ghost in the Infinite Realms. This happens a few years before Danny opens a portal. More than long enough for Alfred to have grown into his strange new existence.

So when he heard of a stable portal to the living realm? Well he was curious. Did it lead to his dimension? And then well, he went to have a look. And found a young teen. Who looked so like Bruce. Who felt such a need to look after that which was his. And he couldn't help but need to look after the boy. In only a few short weeks the boy was already so tired.

This just would not stand! Absolutely not! so he left the portal and checked on his new charges house. And it was barely fit for anyone! So, he did what he always had. He took charge of ensuring the place was clean and orderly. Ensured their was good, safe food available. And ensured his new charges would be as well as they could. And if that included beating the idea that ghosts were sentient into Master Danny's idiot parents head? Well. That would only help him tell them sooner!

Young Master Danny was a stubborn young man. But that was hardly a surprise! He gave in, in the end. Alfred's cookies always won in the end. The prospect of safe food and a safe house? Worked wonders. Now, if Alfred could just figure out if this was his home dimension or not... Alfred could only give so much support after all. Only give so much advice. An experienced hero would be a better mentor. At least Master Danny was allowing him to help tend his wounds now.

And their arms can still move around after they’ve been cut off! :D

List of Sea Creatures Which Have Tried But Failed To Convince Me To Go Into The Ocean

1. Sea Dragons

Remarkable, unlikely, ethereal. A fairytale creature, but ultimately not trustworthy. a combination of kelpie and the fae, it will ask me a riddle and steal my soul. at least one of these is photoshopped. nice try sea dragon

2. Bubble Snails

these are portals to another realm. i may be unsatisfied with my dimension, but i am not fool enough to follow a colorful stranger to a secondary location. you’ll have to try harder, briny marine abductors 

3. Shells. Just shiny carved shells i found on instagram

makes a compelling argument but i remain unconvinced. never trust anything you find on instagram 

4. Salp Chains

not gonna lie, this one almost made me reconsider. idk what a planktic tunicate is, but i respect their lifestyle choices. if i ever do join a hivemind, this is top of the list

5. Frosted Nudibranch

a combination bt a sailor moon trinket & a pokemon evolution stone; has the power to force me into a magical girl transformation. unfortunately i am responsibility-avoidant and refuse to wear anything less comfortable than sweatpants. also magical transformations give me motion sickness. hard pass, but would use as a nightlight 

6. Lettuce Sea Slug. For similar reasons

6. Royal Starfish

honestly thought this was a claymation sculpture. starfish were actually a compelling reason to go in the ocean until i remembered they can move, and i want nothing to do with that nonsense 

7. Costasiella

this is genuinely the only one i have a hard time saying no to. this is the perfect being. if i was an animated protagonist, this would be my chosen cartoon sidekick, my vaguely animalish sidecharacter who speaks in a silent but expressive language only i can translate. incandescent perfection. pure and unsullied, truly sinless. look at those goddamn eyes. 

In conclusion, 

sea slugs are the only compelling group of creatures who could possibly tempt me into the soulless void of the salty depths. however, as i possess a great deal of caution & terror, i will continue to stick with aquariums. i have been tempted, but have overcome. the ocean may invade my nightmares but it will not claim my soul. i bite my thumb at thee, Poseidon! go stub your toe on coral

Bleeding Hearts fairy🌿

crazy how the sun rises every morning. every. single. morning. never takes one damn vacation day. Bitch

…so, um, you should read @kairiolette‘s fic “never been kissed” here on AO3 or here on tumblr

I have spent the past 2-something-maybe-hours reading wikipedia pages about the x-men while whistling to myself and somehow I only just now noticed that the tune I have been repeating endlessly for 2 freaking hours is circus music.  ....I have been whistling circus music to myself while reading wikipedia pages for 2 hours.......... WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK BRAIN

Now I love Model Buses by Lovejoy but I swear it sounds like every single modern christian worship song that gets played at teen events ever. Like I’ll be listening to the album, it’ll come on and my instinct reaction is to check which worship song it is.