Here Is Your Mission.

Great stabbing today everyone hit the showers

Krrt: Why do you rub your eyes?

Steve: Idk. To refocus them I suppose

Krrt: Re— what now?

- - - - - - - - - - -

Rachel: Howdy me comrades I just want to say daddy moi adore ya fucks

Krrt: -softly- what the fuck

Steve: -whispers back- i dont know about this one either

Irwn: Ignore her please. Apparently she drank concentrated caffeine from the lab

- - - - - - - - - -

Rachel: -dying screech of stress-

Steve: mood

Irwn: You can understand her?

Billy Batson can never grow up because it's just not funny. Like oh, this guy says a magic word and then transforms into a slightly buffer guy? I am snoring. I am tossing the comic away in disgust. He's gotta be a little guy. He's gotta be a little shit. He's gotta be an angelic ten year old. He's been to juvie. He doesn't understand taxes. He could kill a man. He chooses not to. He still sleeps with a stuffed animal. If a League member yells at him he will cry. He'll leave them contemplating their own existence. He'll put shaving cream in their shoes.

okay but I kinda do that tho way I do it might actually be worse. cause I won't watch a show or anything but I’ll either watch random edits on YouTube or read crossover fanfic (with a show/fandom that i’m already familiar with and the new one) as a way to figure out the vibes of the characters and then I'll just read regular fanfic for whatever show it is and if I get confused by things I'll go find the fandom wiki and get my answers from there

you want a new kind of guy, fine, i raise you: the lady i was briefly roommates with in college who once smoked a blunt at a party and then spent an hour confessing earnestly to me that she genuinely preferred reading detailed episode recaps over actually watching the tv show in question

There is no real winning when your a shazam villain cause you ethier a grown ass adult beating the shit out of a 10 year old or getting the shit beat out of you by a 10 year old

Okay but imagine Yuuri retires from competitive figure skating at 27, and he decides to go back to college to become a teacher.

So this boy walks into class sporting the just-rolled-out-of-bed look with the sex hair and the big comfy sweater and the starbucks cup in one hand.

And you know, he’s enjoying his life, he makes friends in his program and on the weekends he helps his husband teach cute little kids how to skate and they have this cozy little house together in a nice neighbourhood. He probably has girls and guys falling for him left and right.

And then one day, Yuuri’s out with his friends, and they’re at a cafe or something.

And a group of girls comes up to them, and they’re all blushing and nudging each other saying “You talk first!”.

So Yuuri just turns this absolutely blinding smile on them and asks, “Autographs?”

The girls squeak, and nod furiously.

“Sure!” he says, reaching out for the notebooks they’re holding out for him to sign.

And about ten minutes later, after several selfies and autographs and a lot of gushing and squealing and “Please let Viktor know we’re looking forward to Yuratchka’s upcoming season,” the girls leave.

So Yuuri turns back to his friends, and they’re all just staring at him with wide eyes and gaping mouths.

Yuuri kinda wonders if there’s something on his face.

The first thing that comes out of anyone’s mouths is, “…who’s Viktor?”

And Yuuri’s kinda confused as he replies, “….my husband?”

“YOU’RE MARRIED!?!?!?!?” his friends all shriek.

Yuuri looks down at his hand to make sure his ring is still there. “Yeah?” he says, holding his hand up.

“I thought that was just a fashion statement!” one of the girls exclaims.

“Why did they want your autograph though?” asks another of his friends, and Yuuri just looks away sheepishly.

“I’m…uh….a retired competitive figure skater?” he asks, his voice going higher with embarrassment. “And I…uh…got 2 golds in the Grand Prix…and 2 golds in Worlds….and maybe a silver in Pyeongchang?”

His voice gets progressively quieter as his face gets even redder.

His friends are staring at him in horror and shocked disbelief now.

And he thinks he might as well get it all out now.

“And…my husband might be the most decorated athlete in figure skating history?”

Fics based on this post:

A Real Life Cinnamon Roll by Seito (@seitosokusha) Did I Forget to Mention… by nevereverever How do you not know? by missykristy icebreaker by Cesare Long time no see by ddugeun (@chukichi) My Fun Fact Is: by stillmadaboutpetra New Friends by viktuuri (@softvictory) Now I Know by CassidyMoffett (@sweettigerotakureviews​) Storytime: Celebrity Blindness by likestoimagine (@likestoimagine16) This is Why You Google People by StarlightPhoenix (@cleverlittlejay) Trivia Night by RinaRose (@marina-and-the-fandoms) Wait, What? by @realisticallycynical 

~If you want to officially gift your work to me, my AO3/FFN penname is SkyGem!~

Tumblr posts/additions for this post:

Hilarious addition by @p3hero​ Adorable continuation by @deadlychildartemis​ Comic by @lauravian

Translations of this post:

Italian by @randomwalksoul

but a simple country mouse as me must only find these wishes in fitful dreams.

Exert from ‘Me Being Overdramatic to My Friend at 1:30am’