The Isolation Of Still Being In Christian Spaces (without A Choice) And Knowing You Do Not Believe Is...

Steve has a secret, well “secret” may not be the correct way to describe it. He has something for himself, thats what. Ever since he stopped playing basketball and doing swim competitions once he graduated he's had way more free time, which at first he filled with shifts at Family Video, or bothering Robin.

Then, when she started school he started doing art more. Which, may come a surprise to many, as he never really talked about his interest in paintings and old art.

Greek sculptures that are able to show life in a still ethereal way, while still being able to twist it at their will. Renaissance oil paintings, capturing tragedy yet still being able to portray it as beautiful, in their own terrible twisted ways.

He likes sketching on paper, painting on canvas. His paintings aren't usually too different from the things he sees around him. Honestly thats the only things he paints, people, his friends, places he goes, things he sees that stick with him, dreams, moments that play on repeat in his head.

Around his Junior year, after the Demogorgon, Steve had turned the sad basement in his sad empty house, into his own space. A place where he can go and do his art, hang it, play music on his walkman, or using the record player he got from a pawn shop a few months prior. Somehow the basement is the only space that actually feels like his in his house, not even his bedroom.

Steve’s art was not very consistent to be honest, mostly the kids and Robin, landscapes that he liked, the Demogorgon/dogs, the Mindflayer (he needs some way of getting those out of his head, and somehow drawing them down feels freeing.) He does have a few paintings of Nancy from when they were together, she’s become less of a model for his work after everything though.

The last time he painted her in a painting alone, was one of that bathroom in a girl he barely knows’ house, a spilled drink on Nancy’s dress, and red solo cups littering the counter.

Steve’s art shifts though, after a moment that will never leave his mind. He knows who Eddie Munson is, obviously. How could he not? Honestly Steve isn't that surprised Henderson and the others befriended the guy, he does run a DnD club.

But then, Henderson needs a ride home after their club meetings because his mom is working late, and then Lucas and Mike’s parents are also asking Steve to pick them up too. Babysitting duty, as per usual.

Steve arrives a bit earlier than he planned. He didn't have any project to consume himself into, hitting an art block begrudgingly. But then, Steve sees Eddie Munson, sitting on a fake throne, watching the kids and other club members argue, he has his chin rested on his fist, and he's wearing a white tank top, showing off his shoulders, given the fact it’s still September.

The lighting of the small theater room captures Steve’s interest like a moth to the flame, and he is regretting having left his sketchbook at home, even though he never draws around the kids or anyone he knows.

Eddie Munson’s face and curly locks fill up the pages of Steve’s journal and some canvases for months after, and Steve rarely genuinely complains about coming to pick the kids up.

Afterwords, months later from that day. Chrissy Cunningham dies, and Eddie Munson almost goes with her. God, or whatever deity that was looking down upon him, was on Steve’s side in that moment, when he was able to revive Eddie and then drag him out of the Upside Down.

Steve gets closer with Eddie after that, they become actual friends. Steve was so used to witnessing his muse from afar, it was so…exciting, to see Eddie in all his glory, just a few feet away, and his smile being directed at him.

“Do you even have any hobbies, Harrington?” Steve blinks. Him, Eddie, Robin, Nancy, and the party, are all hanging out by the pool. Steve is lounging on one of the chairs, sunglasses over his eyes as Eddie talks beside him.

“What?” Steve responds.

“I mean…I like barely ever see you do anything besides sort Movies at Family Video, or boss around the kids. Like, what do you do when we're not all together?” Eddie asks, moving his hand a little as he talks. Steve thinks for a moment.

“Funny,” Steve answers instead. Eddie scoffs.

“I'm being serious, man! What do you do?” Eddie laughs a little, most likely at the ridiculousness of it all. What would Steve know, Eddie is like a puzzle, and Steve has to take every minute slowly, deciphering everything he lays out for him, via tongue or action.

“I don't know, what do you do?” Steve says, almost carefully.

“Band stuff, DnD, Writing,” Eddie lists. “And I guess saving the world now, but thats a bit of a side hussle.” Steve scoffs.

“Whatever, man.” And thats that, they don't talk about it again. But it sticks with Steve, because his friends really do think he doesn't do anything with his life. It's not like he has college classes to study for, so what does he do?

Later, maybe two or three weeks after, Steve decides he wants to show Eddie his space. The two of them are alone, Robin is in Nevada, visiting her grandparents, so the trio’s usual movie night is cut down to a duo’s movie night.

Although Steve finds himself mostly focusing on Eddie and his beautiful hair sitting next to him, than watching ET. The little alien scares him a bit anyway. Eddie notices him staring though, his eyes flickering to meet Steves, then a smirk spreading across his lips.

“We are watching a movie, lover boy.” Eddie says. Steve goes red, his gaze shifting to his lap. Steve furrows his eyebrows then stands and shuts the TV off. “Woah! Hey!”

“I want to show you something.” Steve says, it's a bit quieter than he meant it to be, but his tone indicates something to Eddie, which has him staring at Steve, starstruck.

Steve walks out the room and hears Eddie follow him. He gets to the basement door and opens it, flicks on the stair light.

“Basement- woah- okay, guess I'm getting murdered. Thought I’d go out in a more metal way than this.” Eddie says as they walk down. Steve laughs a little and shakes his head.

“I just think you should see this.” Steve says. “Nothing life threatening, I promise.”

“Alright, I trust you, Stevie.”

“Good.”

Steve turns and flicks on the light as they step onto the concrete. The lights flicker on, revealing the paintings on the walls and art supplies on the tables and counters.

“Woah-” Eddie says. “Is this, all your stuff?” Steve sighs, he folds his arms and faces Eddie. He looks shellshocked.

“Yeah.” Steve says. “You said I don't have any hobbies, I do, actually.” Eddie looks around, walking slowly.

“Is that Henderson? Why is he wearing yellow gloves?” Eddie asks. Steve walks over to a painting of Dustin from Steve’s angle while they were walking on the train tracks, a bucket of raw meat is in one hand and he's wearing the headphones for his radio.

“D’Art,” Steve says. “That was when we were leading him away. I made that one after everything happened. I was trying not to think about the Demogorgon stuff and everything, so I just drew him. I have one of Max from that day I never finished painting in a stack I think too.” Eddie doesn't say anything for a minute after Steve is done explaining.

“You can paint.” Eddie says, though not like a question. “These are beautiful…” Eddie looks around and walks to another one he sees. It's one of the Byers and Hopper’s, all hugging while laughing. El looks the happiest. Steve had painted that after they had all gotten together after everything. “Why…didn't you tell anyone?”

“About what?” Steve asks, folding his arms as Eddie brings up a hand to touch the painting.

“This- Steve, you're amazing at this. These are…” Eddie trails off as something catches his eye, he slowly starts to walk towards a big painting propped up behind one of the tables laid out in the middle of the room. Steve walks to him to see which one he's looking at.

An angel, knelt over a puddle, crying as it stares at his reflection, which is blurred and dark. He stands in a forest, his wings are long and huge, sprawling out above him.

It’s one of Steve’s bigger ones, the inspiration came from a dream he had after they had read about Icarus in his english class back in Highschool.

“It’s… magnificent.” Eddie whispers. Steve smiles gently at Eddie’s reaction. Eddie backs up a bit and looks away from the painting. “Is that me?” Steve follows his eye, to the painting. Eddie walks towards it, Steve stays behind him. It’s the first one Steve ever made of Eddie, the one of him on the throne.

“Yeah, it is.” Steve says. “I made that the first night I came to pick up the kids.” He says. “The first time I met you, actually met you.” They share a look.

“You are incredible, Steve Harrington.”

the fact they released a “clean” version of noel’s lament is SO funny to me. the song is about being a slut in postwar france and having sex with a different guy EVERY NIGHT and they think that taking out “fuck” is going to make it family friendly? yeah this song is very explicitly about sex and death but nobody cusses so here let your children listen :)

The Brightest Start in the Constellation of Leo

There is none such story as tragic and sad as that of Regulus Black.

He was a small boy born into the house of hateful, supremacist, parents. His house was filled with cursed objects, scarily dark books, weapons, and in one case, vials of blood. His parents were most likely abusive or at least snide, cold, angry, hateful, and distant. I mean look at Walburga’s portrait.

(based off of the Malfoys, does anyone remember how Lucius would swing his cane at Draco? Mostly his hand, but still!!! That thing had sharp teeth!!! And Draco tended to avoid it with a little too much practice and ease...So who’s to say the Blacks weren’t similar or worse?)

He had a singular person in that house who really cared about him, and that was taken from him when Sirius was sorted into Gryffindor and they started a hateful feud.

He was then pressured into becoming the perfect pureblood heir because their first choice was a Gryffindor, a disgrace, and a blood traitor to boot. 

They swayed him to the Dark Arts and Voldemort, he was made a Death Eater. Being a Black means you are technically pureblooded royalty and in direct eye of Lord Voldemort himself. We’re not sure when he became a Death Eater but it can be hazarded a guess around 16/17. By 18 years old, barely a year put of Hogwarts he had probably tortured, killed and been robbed completely of his innocence (if he ever had any in that wretched house). 

At this point he is estranged from his brother, said brother is fighting on the other side and they’ve probably fought against each other, has one cousin who has been disowned because she loved a ‘mudblood’, another cousin who is married to a death eater, yet another cousin who is an insane maniac who gets off on torture, is being pressured by his parents who then die, entrenched in a war while being barely an adult himself, is most likely fighting and killing former classmates and teachers, and second guessing everything hes ever been told by his family.

So the Dark Lord asks for an elf.

He, as the Black heir, is expected to step up. So he does, no matter how much it pains him. Even though Kreacher is currently the only family he has that cares about him and vice versa, he gives him up. So in secret he orders him to come back as he does not want him to die. Kreacher goes and carries out the task of drinking the potion for the Dark Lord and returns home, obviously having been tortured and on the brink of death. Once Regulus has fixed him up he reports everything to him, who then figures out the locket is a Horcrux.

He knows it must be destroyed, he knows he will most likely die.

Can you imagine? 18 years old, not even a year after he’s graduated, and he willingly walks to his death. Can you imagine him sitting down and writing that letter for the locket with shaky hands and tears streaming down his face? He’s scared. Of course he’s scared! He’s a child! Just eighteen! He is eighteen years old and he marches out of that dark house with his loyal elf and gets Kreacher to take him. He appears on a rock out in a stormy, wild sea. Cold, salty spray rips into his skin and he dives into the chilling water. He shakily sails out to the little island and peers into the basin.

Its a glowing green potion that gives off a malevolent energy. He knows what it is. He saw what it did to Kreacher, he heard the description. He found it in the back of the Black Family Library: The Drink of despair. 

It was a torture potion. He knew this. He knew it was like being crucioed from the inside out, that it made you unbearably thirsty, that it made you see the most terrible things....

He didn’t want to die.

He didn’t want to die.

He didn’t want to die.

He knew Kreacher could survive it and get home safely where he could fix him up. He knew this. But he couldn’t bear to put poor Kreacher through that again. 

So he drank it himself and condemned himself to Death instead.

For a House Elf.

He died so his House Elf wouldn’t be in pain.

So 18 year old Regulus Black drinks a torture potion. Willingly. To protect his House Elf. In the middle of a lake filled with zombie Inferi. Miles from any living being. To steal an object belonging to the Darkest Wizard in history. 

He wasn’t even sure if it could be destroyed but he drank it. And got so thirsty he drank from the lake. The Inferi swarm him, clawing at his skin, pulling at his hair, ripping his clothes... He desperately orders Kreacher to switch the lockets, destroy the real one, and leave as he gets dragged under.

Regulus Arcturus Black dies at the age of eighteen, all alone, at the bottom of a lake of inferi, with no one but an old, bitter House Elf to remember what he had done. He didn't do it for the glory or the recognition of the masses, nor for the forgiveness of his brother. He tells no one and dies disgraced. Disgraced by his brother for being a Death eater. Disgraced by his Family for turning his back on the Dark. Disgraced by the Death eaters and Voldemort for ‘fleeing’ or ‘leaving the cause’ or whatever excuse they cooked up.

Regulus Black didn’t want to die. He could’ve saved himself and lived. But he didn’t to spare his friend the pain. He died so his House Elf didn’t have to hurt.

Brightest Star Indeed...

Bitches will find a fictional man attractive and then immediately imagine him in situations where he is losing alarming amounts of blood

Criminal Minds: A Tribute

After having finally watched the season 15 finale last night, I cannot believe that this amazing show is finally over. I haven’t watched this show since it began airing like some people, nor have I ever watched it episode by episode as it slowly came out on CBS, and some would say that that makes me ‘not a real fan’ but I digress. I have been watching this show for over two and a half years now and it has been some of the best moments of my life.

It all started with two episodes I watched on a whim when they were on cable in a little hotel room in white salmon, Washington. I had already gotten a taste of police procedurals at that point through NCIS (which I have still not finished) and had previously seen criminal minds on my recommended list on Netflix so i thought ‘why not?’ and turned it on. This was still one of the best decisions of my life to date. That might seem super dramatic but the two episodes i watched (10x16 ‘Lockdown’ and 10x17 ‘Breath Play’) were amazing to me. They were just the right amount of creepy and haunting with that dash of genius and psychology and action....it was just perfection in every way. 

So I decided to go back to the beginning and start the whole show from the top.

At first I was confused, the cast was different in season 10, and in season 1 there were all these people i didn't know, but I soon caught up and watched the first few seasons with my mom.It was slow going, I admit, I got home form school and had to quickly watch anywhere from 1 to 3 episodes before my stepdad came home as he didn't like the show but I soon watched all 12 seasons available on Netflix. It was the most bizarre moment when i finished them and sat there for a while with no way to access the rest of the show. Months passed, it seemed to me that the heretofore 2 years of watching the show was over, that I would never finish it. But after 8 months of moving around and waiting, I finally got my hands on the remaining 3 seasons. I binge watched 13 and half of 14 before I procrastinated another 2 months, because I was not ready for it to end.

When I think of Criminal Minds, the first episode that comes to mind is an unusual one. Season 1 episode 14 ‘Ride The Lightning’, I barely remember anything from the earlier season but Ride the Lightning sticks out to me as one of the most heartbreaking episodes on the show. The Woman asking to stay on death row and the car driving away at the end hurts my soul. It has been so long but that episode will forever be seared in my brain.

The second episode that always sporadically comes back to me is the season 2 episode ‘North Mammon’. The idea of 3 girls having to choose whom to kill, is one that shoots shivers down my spine. It was an ugly and tragic episode that will always hurt to watch.

I have loved almost every member in the BAU at some point, some more than others, but my favorite is Dr Spencer Reid. This is probably a typical choice but I don’t care at all. His character arc from a shy and awkward sweater wearing genius to a badass and confident agent is one that is amazing, tragic and sweet all at the same time. In season 1 he cant even shoot a gun but in season 15 he get a 100 on his shooting examination. In the same way, he was often a scrawny ‘pipe cleaner with eyes’ early in the show but in season 14 he swiftly takes down a suspect who lightly shoves Tara. I love how he becomes confident and strong willed but most of this is due to torture, prison, drug addiction, and his girlfriend being shot in front of him which makes his character development horrifying but no less satisfying.

This team...they’re a family. They’ve been blown up, shot, tortured, killed, electrocuted, chased by dogs, hunted down, kidnapped, falsely accused, drugged, imprisoned, and psychologically tormented. They would hurt for each other, kill for each other, die for each other. They were each others mothers, fathers, sisters and brothers. They were more than friends and family in every way that counted. And now it’s....over.

I’m am so blessed that I was able to go on this journey with this amazing cast of characters and they will forever be in my heart, I will never, ever forget the agents of the BAU and I will always list this show as one of the top ten best of all time.

Wheels Up,

Forever.

i'm begging you guys to start pirating shit from streaming platforms. there are so many websites where you can stream that shit for free, here's a quick HOW TO:

1) Search for: watch TITLE OF WORK free online

2) Scroll to the bottom of results. Click any of the "Complaint" links

3) You will be taken to a long list of links that were removed for copyright infringement. Use the 'find' function to search for the name of the show/movie you were originally searching for. You will get something like this (specifics removed because if you love an illegal streaming site you don't post its url on social media)

4) each of these links is to a website where you can stream shit for free. go to the individual websites and search for your show/movie. you might have to copy-paste a few before you find exactly what you're looking, but the whole process only takes a minute. the speed/quality is usually the same as on netflix/whatever, and they even have subtitles! (make sure to use an adblocker though, these sites are funded by annoying popups)

In conclusion, if you do this often enough you will start recognizing the most dependable websites, and you can just bookmark those instead. (note: this is completely separate from torrenting, which is also a beautiful thing but requires different software and a vpn)

you can also download the media in question (look for a "download" button built into the video window, or use a browser extension such as Video DownloadHelper.)

Okay, but really, natural necromancer Stiles would've been so funny.

The Sheriff's success file is actually larger than his failure file because Stiles can just ask dead people who killed them and he can sense where the unburied corpses are so the number of missing persons goes down, too. And that's why he drags Scott out to the Preserve to look for Laura's body bc that's his 'job.'

I can't decide if he'd be besties with Lydia as another being of death magic, or if they'd have a kind of frenemies thing bc Lydia feels the constant need to Scream around him, and Stiles constantly gets a headache from all that goddamn racket.

He would be bros with Peter, tho bc, "you're the first reanimated person I've met that I didn't I raise myself! :D"

Peter: "I'm sorry, what the fuck did you just say?"

Also, he's learned nothing from Jurassic Park.

Stiles: Did you know that most dinosaur skeletons are actually plaster casts?

Scott: Did you learn that from the Internet?

Stiles: Nope, just a lot of very disappointing trips to the museum.

people are saying do it scared, but you also gotta do it alone. you'll miss out on so much you want to do if you wait til someone will do it with you. do it scared and do it alone.

Broke college student tip:

Learn to love cooking. Like get into it. Enjoy it. Get excited to cook. Why? When you learn to cook and enjoy it you'll save money. Lots of money. And you'll be eating better, healthier food too.

For example. I'm eating seafood and veggie pasta right now with a white wine cream sauce. In a restaurant, this would be a fancy meal, costing $20 or so for a small portion. Literally cost me like $5 or so in ingredients to make. And like 20 minutes to cook. And I made enough for lunch AND dinner. When you know how to cook you can make cheap foods taste amazing.

Here's some advice how to make this easier:

Buy frozen things. Frozen veggies, frozen fruits, frozen meats, etc. Frozen lasts longer and saves you money and stress.

Have basic herbs and spices on hand. Salt, pepper (red, black, and white), thyme, rosemary, basil, garlic powder, onion powder, turmeric, bay leaf (chopped is best), cinnamon, paprika, cumin, and sage are my most commonly used ones!

Common recipe ingredients to keep on hand: pasta, rice, lemon/lime juice, garlic, onion, white wine, frozen veggies, potatoes, frozen meats, sugar, butter, pasta sauces, tomatoes, eggs, soda/pineapple juice/beer (great for marinades or cooking meat).

Frozen things when stored properly can be stored for a couple months and portioned out making quick meals easy!

Learn flavor profiles. Citrus, basil, rosemary, butter, salt, garlic, and onion are all fairly universal in their uses while things like cumin and turmeric have a stronger, earlier flavor and are great for stews, curries, pastas, soups, and sauces!

Learn to shop. If it's non-perishable and bogo, get it! Bogo (buy one get one) is basically half off and now you have two things for when you need it! Walmart brand pasta is like $0.98 a box. You can also get a bag of frozen extra small shrimp at Walmart for like $5 and there's about 50 in a bag. Shop non-perishable items by weight (price per ounce) and perishables by size.

Pasta sauce can be put in the freezer and if stored well can keep for like 3 months!

Sauté your veggies! They taste so good that way!!! A little butter, garlic, rosemary, and onion. Sprinkle with salt after and viola!

It's easy to fall into a food rut, so treat yourself every now and then with something different or challenge yourself by limiting yourself to 5 ingredients or something to make you exercise your skills.

Make your own barbecue sauce. It's so fun! All you need is molasses, ketchup, brown sugar, and whatever you want to customize it. I usually put honey and bourbon in mine.

Go on pinterest and find easy recipes! The great thing about a recipe is every single one you see is customizable and was made to the cooker's preference. You don't like mushrooms? Don't put them in and add something earthy and unami like turmeric or sumac in its place.

Tofu is easier than you think.

Rice is very filling and goes with most everything.

Keep fresh herbs fresh by putting them in water. You might even root and grow your own!

Frozen fruits are amazing for marinades or more "tropical" tasting recipes. Frozen citrus and pineapple are great for making a citrus chicken and rice! Just defrost in a bowl and then add the chicken to the bowl.

Tortillas are amazing and keep for a while in the fridge.

Print out recipes and keep them in a binder so you make notes and changes directly on the paper!

this looks so good!!!!!

Summer of ‘93 - Teaser

- Five Weasley children in one holiday to a country they had never been to before. 1 in 5 were going to majorly fuck up, and the other four would laugh as they were made to clean up the mess.

It was inevitable. 

Though what Percy didn’t know yet, was that he was the 1 in 5. And a certain Oliver Wood was entirely to blame. -

PLAYLIST:

summer depression - girl in red

summertime sadness - lana del rey

wildest dreams - taylor swift

liability - lorde

i’m with you - avril lavigne

sweater weather - the neighbourhood

all around me (acoustic) - flyleaf

follow the cops back home - placebo

style - taylor swift

that’s what you get - paramore

radioactive - marina

(not in order)

COMING SOON. 

please let me know if you’d like to be @’d when the first chapter is released.