My brother cracked my rib one morning and gave me half of his orange in the evening.
I remember being younger and sometimes wishing to be a single child, to have all the attention and gifts and time but when he was away from home for the first time, I remember crying and stroking his side of the sofa as if blurting out my first wish- for him to be home, without thinking twice, without a shadow of doubt. Even the genie cried. Growing up with a sibling is like being the only people on a stranded boat, constantly figuring out how you can live with them and questioning how you could ever live without them.
One evening, in a fit of anger, I told him how I never wanted him to be my brother and he yelled that he didn't ask for it either. The air smelled like kerosene and my chest was filled with arsenic. I was raging and threw his favorite toy aeroplane down the window, 7 stories of guilt and shame. He cried all night and I wanted to cut off my right hand, the hand that hurt my baby brother. I didn't know if he was ever going to forgive me or even talk to me. The next morning at breakfast, he didn't look at me or say a word, I felt like my chest was about to explode and guilt clouded my vision. But then, I felt a hand quietly holding half of an orange my way.
The only people on a stranded boat. How do you live with them? How could you ever live without them?
-Ritika Jyala, excerpt from The world is a sphere of ice and our hands are made of fire
Edit: I added a visualizer for this on my YouTube channel. Check it out here
and I know I hurt you. I know it must have hurt a lot. but I need you to see that you hurt me too.
no, I don't want an apology. all I want is that you look at me and see that you have hurt me too. that it hurt a lot, too.
Lorde // Hop Along, Queen Ansleis // Frank Dicksee // Anne Carson // Lady Bird // Denise Levertov
Litany in Which Certain Things Are Crossed Out, Richard Siken // sage, OnlyOneOf // religion (u can lay your hands on me), Shura // cover for MONTERO (Call Me By Your Name), Lil Nas X & The Creation of Adam, Michelangelo // Saying Your Names, Richard Siken // God In Jeans, Ryan Beatty // In Bed, The Kiss, Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec // Take Me to Church, Hozier // Heaven On Earth, The Platters // Still Don’t Know My Name, Labrinth // photo of Lily Elsie and Adrienne Augarde & Rachel at the Well, Giacomo del Po // As an Experiment, Kerry Banazek // Worship, Years & Years // John Keats
When Jaun Elia said Ek hi shakhs ki baat hai maula, Sara jahan kisne manga hai
—female rage
? // medusa by caravaggio // gregory radionov // artemisia gentileschi // monstrous flesh: on women’s bodies in horror by rebecca harknis-cross // carrie (1976) // corruption by camille norton // midsommar (2019) // helen of troy does countertop dancing by margaret atwood // medusa in her throne by reza sedhi
We fold the sheets as we argue facing each other, we eat soup in identical bowls, shes sitting on the sofa while i sit on the floor looking anywhere but at each other. I listen to her talk softly to my niece a minute after she scolds me for not ironing her clothes properly. And yet the sadness i feel can only be healed by a mothers love. Its sicken and sadening.
This is a pro-choice blog.
It’s an I wanted this baby but at my anatomy scan I found out my baby will die after it’s born blog.
It’s an I’m not financially, mentally or emotionally stable enough to bring a child into this world blog.
It’s an I can’t live with the result of my sexual assault blog.
It’s an I miscarried but the fetus will not evacuate on its own blog.
It’s an I will die if I carry this to term blog.
It’s an I don’t want to be fucking pregnant blog.
It’s a pro-choice blog.
If you see this decision as a win, educate yourself. People with uteruses WILL die. And if that’s okay with you, don’t claim you’re pro-life.
Oh, and a big, fat FUCK YOU.
every day i wake up and discover a new health problem that i have
Ye imma make moodboards for all my classes
Fernando Pessoa, The Book of Disquiet
Beware of the barrenness of a busy lifestyle | I write sometimes | 18
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