Being Negan’s Daughter Would Include:

Birds are basically the dinosaurs that managed to “nooo you wouldn’t hurt a cute little baby guy on his birthday” their way out of a mass extinction

The Joker x Reader - “Apart”

When you sent him the invitation to your wedding, you didn’t actually expect The Joker to show up. But here he is and now you have to deal with the situation; you are usually such a good actress, but…this is different. Very different.

“You came,” a smile appears on the corner of your lips as J gets out of the car and the valet takes it away, leaving your ex in front of you with a wide smirk on his face.

“Of course I came, I wouldn’t miss this now, would I?” he opens his arms and you go to give him a quick hug. “Hi, Doll,” he quickly pecks your cheek and you hold him for a few more seconds before breaking the embrace. You didn’t spoke or touch each other in about half a year.  

You take a deep breath, analyzing him and start walking up the stairs towards the mansion while you try to keep the conversation going without getting awkward:

“You still look the same J,” you state the obvious and he snickers, amused.

“I never change; you should know that by now. Would you look at this place,” he struggles to impress himself. “It’s a fortress, took me a while to find it. At least I know my girl is well taken care of, hm?”

“I’m…I’m not your girl anymore,” you whisper, brushing off the weirdness of his statement, but you know he just talks like this all the time anyway.

“Right, thanks for the reminder,” he elbows you, scoffing, and you ignore what he just said and point towards the huge property, excited:

“Let me give you a tour.”

“Where is the groom- to-be? Can’t wait to meet him; he’d better make you happy otherwise he will have to deal with me,” he keeps on yammering and you take his arm, not reacting to the last part of his tirade, guiding him through the maze of the outdoor gardens.

“He is away with business; he will be back in two days for the wedding. You’re the first guest to arrive, the rest are coming tomorrow.”

“You sure hired a lot of people for the event, Pumpkin. I can tell it’s going to be a huge wedding.”

“It will be,” you giggle, watching everybody running around, setting up flowers and the humongous tent where the gathering will happen.

“Wow, I already like it, no expense was spared,” The Joker addresses you, witnessing a few things coming together in a very nice way.

“Miss Y/N,” someone approaches, “do you want more red roses or pink ones?”

“Red,” J answers and it pleases you. “It’s her favorite color.” You also nod a yes and the guy walks away, trying to count how many more to add now. “Who else is coming?” he asks, frowning when a waiter passes you by in a hurry. “ I don’t like the way that man looked at you, want me to take care of it?”

You start laughing, caressing his shoulder.

“Noooo, lets’ not do that, it’s all good.”

It surprises you how much effort you put into trying not to look nervous, you are usually such a good actress, but…this is somewhat different.

“A lot of people will come, you know some of them,” you show him the guest list on a nearby table. “Don’t worry, you’ll seat next to me so you don’t really have to small talk with the others too much. I know you hate that.”

“I sure do,” he grins, kissing your hand and you sigh, continuing to pace alongside him in perfect silence for a few moments.

“Oh, no, it’s starting to rain,” you point out, looking at the gloomy clouds. “Thank goodness the tent is up so it won’t rain inside; they can still continue to decorate, it really needs to be finished by tomorrow night. Let’s go in the mansion, I’ll show you what we got.”

*******************

As soon as he steps in and sees the crystal chandelier he looks in your eyes, puckering his lips:

“Same one we have at the penthouse!”

“We had,” you correct him but The Joker didn’t get the fact you were referring to his statement involving the two of you. Or maybe he pretended.

“No, it’s still there, Doll. You always had good taste in decorating so I kept it.”

“That’s nice,” you avert your gaze, feeling your cheeks getting warm.

You walk him around, explaining what’s what, just like a well learned lesson.

“I’ll be damned,” he stops, stunned. “You kept it?!”

The enormous painting you two snatched from Gotham’s art museum two years ago is the centerpiece in the living room. He didn’t want to go because he couldn’t care less about stuff like that but in the end you convinced him to steal it together. You had it at the penthouse until…you left and took it with you. Now it’s here.

“You know how much I love it, Mister J,” you tease him by calling his full name, which you only did when he got in trouble. “I could never get rid of it.”

“I can understand that; I know your mind gets set on something and then you don’t let go,” he mocks, starting to walk upstairs.

*********************

“And, ummm… this is the master bedroom,” you present it, a bit uncomfortable.

“It’s so you, Y/N, I can see it everywhere. Look at the bed, reminds me of the one we have at the penthouse,” he points towards it and you fix his mistake:

“We had.”

“No, it’s still there,” he continues and you are still not sure if he really doesn’t get what you’re saying, but you don’t want to insist on the issue. No point really.

“I wonder if…You do have a mirror here too!” he sits on the bed, looking up and sure it’s there. He lies down on the pillows, gesturing you to come by him and you humor him. “Remember ours?”

You scoot over by him, smiling and grab his hand, looking up at the mirror too.

“Yes, fun times. We had our moments, right?” you have to agree, turning your head towards him.

“U-hum,” he replies, taking your fingers to his lips and kissing them, absent minded. You squirm under his touch and have to break the spell J apparently is unaware he still holds upon you.

“Why did you push me away?” you suddenly ask, squeezing his hand tighter.

“I push everybody away, it doesn’t mean that’s my intent,” he replies and for once he sounds sincere.

“Hey, wanna see my wedding dress?” you hurry and get up, heading towards the walk in closet.

“Might as well,” he lifts his shoulders up, resigned. He doesn’t really want to see it but he can’t upset you now that you are finally on speaking terms again. It takes you about 10 minutes to get ready and step outside, anxious for his reaction.

“My God, Princess, you look so beautiful,” he has to admit, jumping from the bed, coming to meet you in the middle of the room. “Turn around,” The Joker suggests and you slowly spin so he can see your gorgeous dress. “I really like the gown, it suits you.”

“Thank you,” you mumble, playing around with the delicate fabric because you feel edgy.

“My Princess always looks beautiful anyway,” he unravels his silver teeth, chuckling.

“I’m…I’m not your Princess anymore J,” you step towards him, fighting with all the feelings inside of you.

“You’ll always be my Princess,” he simply states and then rolls his eyes. “Come on, you’re gonna cry on me? You know I always talk like this,” he makes fun of you, seeing your lips quivering but has to admit something makes him uneasy.

Fuck it all, you think, deciding on the spot and go kiss him which surprises The Joker and in the same time it doesn’t.

“I’m not sure if I like diamonds anymore,” you clearly enunciate and he freezes with his hands around your waist.

This is the phrase you two decided to use when you were together as a warning for grave danger, just in case you couldn’t say anything else and you wanted the other to know something is up without getting busted.

“Well, that’s a first, Doll,” he lets you go, understanding someone is listening, carefully looking around as you put your finger on your lips, signaling him to be quiet. You point towards the corners of the room, quickly scribbling on a piece of paper that you stash in his pocket.

“Yes, I am so bored with diamonds these days,” you try to control your voice from breaking and you hug him tight, barely whispering in his ear: “Run! A left, two rights around the stairs. Don’t take the car, just run!” and you drag him towards the door, peeking outside to make sure nobody is passing by. He has such an intrigued expression on his face and you cover his mouth, shaking your head as a no.

“Ssstttt,” you soundlessly shush him. “Don’t let anybody see you, they’re all undercover! Go!” you whisper one last time before pushing him away and he doesn’t linger anymore but signals you to follow.

You mutter a NO, watching him walk as he turns around one more time to see you in your wedding dress. He takes the corner and he’s gone.

What the hell is going on? The Joker wonders, carefully sneaking around, hiding behind a wall so he can read the piece of paper you placed in his pocket:

“I’m not at Arkham or Belle Reve, not sure where. Warn as many as you can not to come. After you get out, keep left under the trees until you get to the main road. Don’t let them catch you.”

***********************

It was a difficult break up, at least as far as you were concerned. You got sick and tired of everything and left because he didn’t seem to give a damn anyway. You were on your own for about a month when you got ambushed during a heist and couldn’t escape. You were taken to a place you haven’t been before and they were sure thrilled to see they got The Joker’s girlfriend; well, ex, but you didn’t tell them that part; they found out on their own.

You were sentenced to 40 years in prison but offered a deal: if you help the Secret Service catch the elusive Clown Prince of Crime and many others, your verdict will be reduced to only 10 years. It was such a sweet deal and they spared no effort in planning the perfect stakeout: for 3 months they put everything together, using your fake wedding as the bait: they wanted to get as many most wanted criminals as possible with minimum casualties, away from the public eye on that hidden property, rehearsing day and night to make everything seem like the real deal. They knew many would come to the occasion if you invite them. And you agreed, sure hoping J won’t show up. When he did, you didn’t want to care but things didn’t go as planned. You and your stupid feelings for him; you always pay for them no matter what.

***************************

Of course the deal went sour and they retaliated for what you did: your sentence changed to life in prison and you weren’t treated nicely, to say the least. You had days when you regretted your stupid decision, crying yourself to sleep in the dark, cold cell. And some days were better, hoping he might find you and get you out of there. Hours, weeks, months and then two years passed with heartbreaking solitude and doubt, and you finally realized The Joker will never save you.  Even if you helped that day, knowing him he probably hated you with passion after tricking him with that well devised scheme and he is not the one to forgive such transgression. Or maybe he just can’t find the location. You tried to cope but the thought of never getting out of there was slowly driving you insane. How you missed the outside world and the freedom of doing what you please.

And you missed him…You couldn’t get out of your mind that last time he looked at you. You wanted so badly to run with him, but had to stay behind to hold them up, pretending he’s still there for a while to give him enough time to flee…Like he appreciated the sacrifice…Too late now for remorse, yet you can’t hide from yourself.

You slowly chew on your bread, deep in thought, sitting on the mattress, examining your skinny hands. You got so much thinner due to the special menu and treatment you were subjected in the last two years. Fit for a Queen, as they like to laugh at you.

“Oh, great,” you pull out the piece of plastic out of your mouth, unnerved you are always given such disgusting food. This is where you usually stop eating, nauseated at the crap you find in the meals. You glance at it for a second before wanting to toss it on the floor when you notice something.

You have to bring it really close to your eyes since you are not allowed to wear your contacts.  

“I’m here. Cover your ears,” you read and gasp, dumbfounded, having a hard time processing what just happened.

The loud explosion to the right wall of your cell throws you to the ground and your ears start ringing .You struggle to get up, covered in dust and debris, stumbling to keep your balance, dizzy from the blast.

You stare at the gap in your wall, seeing so many bodies moving around on the other side, not knowing what to do.

“Would you hurry up, woman?! I don’t have all day!” you hear the familiar voice and J creeps inside your prison, coughing and trying to move the flying ashes out of his way.

You can’t even move and stare at him wearing your favorite suit, starting to cry in a frenzy.

He sighs and comes in front of you, his blue gaze going up and down your body, growling when he realizes how scrawny you are.

“So you didn’t get married, hm?” he bites on his lip and you barely manage to utter, whimpering:

“N-no…” and you continue bawling , rushing in his arms and he hugs you, taking each other in for a few seconds. “You…you look the same,” you cry your eyes out on his shoulder, hoping you are not hallucinating from the meds.

“I never change, you should know that by now,” he purrs in your hair, ecstatic he found you. He’s been looking forever; my God you were well locked away or what?!

“Sir, we need to get out of here, they’re coming!” one of the mercenaries yells and J lifts you up in his arms, carrying you outside. The sun hits you and you hide your face in his chest, wincing in pain.

“My eyes,” you complain, wiping your tears and slowly readjusting to natural light, fastly blinking to make it better. “You can put me down, I think I can walk,” you turn his face towards you so you can see him.

“Queens don’t walk,” he grumbles, kissing your forehead, continuing to carry you.

“I really missed you,” you confess on the verge of crying again. “I thought you will never come.”

“Meh, I was bored staring at that chandelier all day,” he tries to joke and you sense his hands holding you tighter.

You sniffle, smiling for the first time in so many months and ask when he looks down at you:

“We still have it?”

“We do,” The Joker answers, walking faster as all hell breaks loose behind him.

 Also read: MASTERLIST:

http://diyunho.tumblr.com/post/153664676321/joker-x-reader-masterlist

“They didn’t see the video before we actually filmed the scene. We don’t do that because they’re super method actors, but just because we wanted to be filming when they actually saw it for the first time, so they could actually live in their first response to seeing Bobby having his eye gouged out. Tommy Flanagan just broke down, and some of it is in the episode.”

fallout 4 housemate headcanons

NO ONE ASKED BUT HERE IT IS (main game companions only)

Cait

“It’s Friday night, we’re going OUT, no bullshit excuses.” Loud music always blaring from her room when she’s home, if you ask her to turn it down, you somehow end up getting dragged into an impromptu dance party. Shots. No sense of personal space, bursts into your room unannounced because she wants to talk to you, doesn’t care if you’re naked. Blunt, thinks everyone you have ever dated isn’t good enough for you, offers to fight anyone who has caused you a minor personal offence. You always end up sleeping in each other’s beds when you get drunk together. Messy af, complains loudly about the cleaning rota.  

Codsworth

Obsessively clean. Cleans up after everyone else (or redoes their cleaning because he thinks they haven’t done it properly), but gets passive-aggressive about it later. Always busy, never seems to sit still, hums and whistles as he’s bustling about. Likes organizing things, likes gardening. Worry wart. Makes you promise to text if you’re going to be home later than usual. Loves old movies, especially sci-fi classics, can quote them line for line, most of his bedroom space is dedicated to his home cinema set up. Big fan of tea, owns like 800 different varieties, and also of tea, has all the gossip on your other housemates.

Curie

House mom. Very neat, particularly concerned with bathroom cleanliness. Early riser and always looks immaculately put together, even at ass o’clock in the morning. Worries about your diet and how much sleep you’re getting. “Mon cher, potato chips are not an adequate substitute for dinner.” Has some kind of terrifying and important science job, no one understands exactly what she does, but she gets so excited when she talks about it that no one has the heart to interrupt her. Has never been late for anything, ever, in her entire life, is horrified by people who leave things until the last minute. Likes to take very long baths, disturb her at your own peril.

Danse

Boy scout af. Eats the exact same oatmeal from the exact same bowl at 7am on the dot every morning (8am on weekends). Makes his bed every day, takes exactly 9.5 minutes in the shower. “This level of noise on a weeknight is disrespectful, some of us have work in the morning.” In charge of the cleaning rota. Has “optimized” the cleaning rota. Drags you out of bed at 6am to go running, encourages you even when you snap at him. Easily flustered, awkward at parties. Brought home a stranger for sexy times once, a year ago, and everyone still teases him about it. Will make you a hot drink and listen very seriously while you talk about your problems.

Deacon

Cryptid roommate. You never know if he’s home or not, you have no idea what his job is, he has nothing even remotely resembling a schedule. Pays his rent in cash, no one has ever seen inside his bedroom, it could lead to another dimension for all you know. Occasionally you walk in on him cooking a three course meal at 4am or drinking strong black coffee in his underwear in the middle of the afternoon. You always have the best chats when you bump into him, but then he disappears and who the hell knows when you’ll see him again. He recommends books to you, and then they turn up on your bed a few weeks later, sometimes with a little note written in code.

Dogmeat

A perfect boy, almost certainly the best boy in the whole world. Protective, loyal, affectionate, only pooped in a shoe once. 

Hancock

Always has random groups of friends over. Always the last one awake when you throw a party. LOUD sex. Sustained LOUD sex. Has never been seen out of bed before noon. No one knows how he makes money except, you know, you all kind of know. Has the best stories. Total cuddlebug, loves human contact, will massage your shoulders or lie in your lap or play with your hair while he talks to you. Stylish af, you’re always trying to borrow his clothes. Usually messy, but occasionally goes on frenzied cleaning sprees and gets the whole house spotless in six hours. Can’t cook, but will sometimes spontaneously order takeout for the whole house, his treat.

Nick Valentine

Voice of reason and maturity. Holds himself a little apart from everyone else. (Probably has the largest room in the place with an ensuite, or even a floor to himself). Deals with all the landlord stuff because he is the most convincing adult in the house. Very formal text and email style, always starts his messages with “Hi everyone” and signs off as “Val” in the housemate group chat, every damn time. Great with technology, will sigh and roll his eyes if you want to him to take a look at your computer, but secretly loves being asked. Has a liquor cabinet in his room, makes a mean old-fashioned. Gives fantastic life advice, best housemate to go to when you’re upset. Sass him at your peril.

MacCready

Little brother. Messy boy. Anxious boy. His room is an absolute pig sty, except for his comic collection, which is pristine. Useless in the mornings, no point trying to have a conversation with him before 10am. Insomnia. Hates his stupid job. Always quibbling over household bills, doesn’t want to put the heat on, wears seven layers of clothes instead. Does his best to clean up after himself in communal spaces, but it doesn’t come naturally. Can only cook three things, but cooks them really well. Always down to share a few beers and kick your ass at videogames, just give him a second to get all the dirty laundry off the floor.

Piper

Big sister. Freelancer, always home until she’s not. Her room isn’t dirty, per se, but it is ridiculously cluttered, stuffed with books and notepads. When she’s on a deadline, it’s a bomb site. Also, she’s always on a deadline. Lots and lots of coffee, queen of all-nighters. Talks to herself. Will seek you out to run her latest conspiracy theories by you. Gets you embroiled in impassioned political discussions that go on until 2am. Values your opinion even if she doesn’t always agree. Subsists on instant noodles and pop tarts. Very concerned with fairness in the household, invested in the general principle of the cleaning rota even if she forgets her turn half the time. 

Preston

House dad. Excellent mediator, wants everyone to be okay. Manages the bills and calls tradespeople when things break down. Total sweetheart but not here to take your shit, especially when it comes to making sure that everyone’s pitching in (but will still insist on helping if he happens to be around while you’re doing chores). Organizes family dinners and games nights, really invested in making the place feel like a home. Knocks on your door when you’re working to see if you want tea or hot chocolate. Remembers everyone’s birthday. Absolute riot when he’s drunk. His room is small and cosy and he’s quite private about it, only invites people to hang out with him there if he really trusts them.  

Strong

Seems to subsist entirely on protein shakes, poor personal hygiene, lord help you if you share a bathroom with him. Gym rat, lives in the gym, all his clothes seem to be sweatpants, does not appear to own shirts. Speaks in monosyllables, very gruff, doesn’t understand the cleaning rota and no one wants to explain it to him. Breaks things a lot. Connoisseur of violent videogames. His shelf in the fridge is entirely filled with unidentified meat objects, which you assume are components of the protein shakes, but you’re too afraid to ask. Once he quoted Shakespeare at you and you almost fell out the window in shock.

X6-88

No one has ever seen him enter or exit the house. Has a real adult job that involves a suit. Cycles to work, has a top-of-the-range racing bike and all the professional hi-vis gear. Seems scarily competent and also sort of rich, you’re not sure why he lives here. Appears to have an active social life, but no one has ever met his friends. Unfailingly courteous and considerate, but when he gets on the group chat to politely point out the abysmal state of the kitchen, you can be damn sure no one is ever going to forget to wipe down the counters for a month at least. All the other housemates have a betting pool running on how many people he has killed with his bare hands.

Reblog or your mom will die in 928 seconds.

I love my mom.

I am risking nothing

I AM SORRY FOLLOWERS, I LOVE MY MOMMY

Will not risk.

sorry followers :(

Ragnar will avenge us.

Watch below the official trailer for the forthcoming 20-episode fourth season of Vikings, set to premiere on History on February 18th with its first batch of ten episodes, while the second is will air sometime later next year. Find more info here.

crackship - Amber Heard & Charlie Hunnam 

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