Sadtrainnoises - KianRaccoon

Was just diagnosed with “need to bite you” disorder. Yeah sorry it’s terminal. The only cure is biting you. C’mere.

i just told my sister about a fanfic I've been interested in and then my aunt asked me what the name is. then i fucking told her!!!

its also the only fic i have found with that name so if she looks it up she find it immediately Im scared

Reblog and put in the tags how you would die if your URL predicted your death

Bruce and Alfred serving some cunt. Alfred only gets to slay sometimes, we fear he may become to powerful.

i’m definitely a mix of Dib and Purple

someone probably made this

Y'all I need this

Ok I have an idea for a fanfic but I’m never going to write it because I regularly abandon projects and I have exams soon, so I’m just going to post the idea here:

SO the fic is done in the style of one of those family comedies where the parents of a dysfunctional family invite their now adult children to like a lakehouse for a family holiday to try and reconnect or some shit. (I think this is just because I watched this is where i leave you recently…)

Han decides from literally day one that he can’t deal with everyone and just fucks off to fish with Chewie, the family dog. He probably leaves at like the ass crack of dawn to get the good fish?? idk anything about fishing???

Ben totally just rocked up with Hux, his boyfriend of like 4 years, who no one knew anything about.

Ben decides to show Hux around the lakehouse but ends up tripping over his untied shoelaces after Hux shoved him and breaks his wrist. This results in the ENTIRE family turning up to the hospital which turns into an absolute shit show. (”how did this happen?” “well doc, turns out the love of my life is a massive asshole and he pushed me down a hill” “actually, he’s an absolute child who can’t tie his fucking shoelaces”) (”oh look at that, the doctor said they have to amputate your hand, hope you weren’t attached to it” - Rey, probably) Rey posts the whole thing (including the video of Ben tripping) on tiktok 

Ben wacks people with his cast like the child he is

Rey and Ben are cousins but grew up together so have the whole sibling rivalry thing going on

Luke is definitely the most chill, but like to the point it pisses Leia off, like Han catches himself on fire using the bbq but Luke doesn’t even notice because he’s too busy meditating by the lake

Finn and Poe are there because they pretty much grew up in the Solo-Organa household

Finn and Poe’s whole storyline revolves around them pining for each other but neither of them admitting they’re in love with the other. Everyone else can see it though, to the point that they started making bets

Leia gets fed up with everyone so just ends up baking to unite everyone through food but ends up getting so sick of Ben’s shit that she throws a whole ass pie at his head. This is just inspired by my own extended family and that one video I saw of an Italian woman throwing a whole uncooked pizza at her son

Ben and Hux 100% have a massive fight and Hux runs off to the nearby town and Ben has to go around asking if anyone has seen an angry ginger asshole. They reconcile and have a touching™ moment, which is ruined when Ben admits he threw Hux’s suitcase in the lake and they go back to normal. Hux has to wear Ben’s clothes for the rest of the trip

The holiday ends when the lakehouse burns to the ground. No one knows who did it. It was Leia. 

A question for the red Medic!

Good morning, dear. Would you mind showing the results of your experiments? maybe there are some unfortunate cases. Tell us

artist: @merlin-s-tea-fortress

to ask questions, hit the ASK button!

My mother rickrolls me at least once a week

i think rickrolling is the only meme that gets objectively funnier with age. in 2009 you learned to anticipate it but in 2019 it happens just infreqently enough that i fall for it every single time

Live long and fuck in Hondas (or 'why that Vulcan salute is way more significant than you think it is')

Hey. Hey Holz. Did you know Deadpool and Wolverine fucked in the Odyessy? Did you know that they now live in a one-bed with Blind Al? Did you know that -

Yes, friend. I know all of it. And you're all super fucking valid for pointing it out.

... But maybe all of you aren't seasoned Trekkies like me. Maybe not all of you gorgeous people understand the true significance of this.

Or maybe you just want a definitive way to win the argument of "are these two fucking?"

But either way, I'm here to help, and to tell you why, amongst all the absurdly homoerotic text of this film, this moment? Might be the gayest of them all.

Now, we must start by saying that although you wouldn't know it from the bullshit Abrams films, these two:

Are the fathers of gay fanfiction. Spock and Kirk here are the reason you're living in the fantastic timeline where you can write/read men fucking without any other shred of plot and that this is a legitimate and normalised internet experience - everyone say thank you, iconic papas. These guys were so homoerotically coded that even in the 60s, the era of wondrously overdramatic performances of all kinds and fairly prevalent homophobia, The Girlies still took notice, still started mailing each other fics and making zines and being just hugely excited at the thought of these two getting space-married. They are fandom as we know it today's beginning, and seventy years later they're still an enduringly popular ship on AO3. (You should all go and watch Amok Time, by the way. Contains the Honda Odyessy scene of the 60s, except there's weird biology and wrestling and just go and put it on your screens, thank me later. They fucked on that planet.)

Anyway, these two were as close as early colour TV could ever allow two men to be, deepening their *coughs* friendship almost every single episode or film - Trek's creator Gene Roddenberry even gave them a unique word in Spock's Vulcan language, with the meaning of 'friend, brother, lover.' (And if that isn't ringing any Poolverine bells, I'm not actually sure what you want out of this post. Enjoy it anyway, love you.)

... And then we get to 1982's The Wrath of Khan, and to that moment that every iconic screen couple must face - the ol' classic, it's you or me and I won't let it be you.

Sure, the set-up's a little different here - the chamber Spock's in is filled with radiation, and the scene's quieter, softer. And Kirk isn't a mutant so he can't smash his way in, he can just sit there and inwardly die as his emotional support Vulcan does.

... But you get where I'm coming from here. Ryan Reynolds doesn't take a million other potential love scenes from across the cinematic ages - no, he takes this. What is for many the romantic acknowledgement of a whole generation. The humble and desperately sweet beginning of it everything we fans know and love nowadays. The most ambiguously romantic homosexual relationship in television, directly comparative to what is now arguably the most ambiguously romantic homosexual relationship in cinema. And lest we forget, Wade doesn't believe in a fourth wall - this is a conscious choice, both in canon and in the writer's room.

Oh it's so clever and so beautiful a girl could weep. Ryan just introduced the MCU to the gays, just as Kirk and Spock did all those years ago to the masses of the time.

And then there's what it means.

This is the Vulcan salute, created to mean either 'live long and prosper' or 'peace and long life' - it's used more or less interchangeably.

But part of that's irrelevant when you're as immortal as these two.

So we're left with the sentiments of prosperity and peace, given to a man who up to this point can't imagine ever prospering again, is the furthest thing away from being at peace. Wade gives Logan the opportunity to go on, to find the things he's been lacking for so long now - things he has already helped him find. Spock tells Kirk during The Wrath that 'the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few,' and that's exactly what Wade's doing here - sacrificing himself for the greater good of his friends and his newly beloved, however much it will hurt them all.

And that's lovely, and poignant, and character-growing, and I think we all would have been content to leave it at that and have our noble sacrifice, however much we would have wept. Kirk goes on to find the remnants of Spock's soul in the next film in the series, to bring him essentially back from the dead because he felt it was more than his own soul's worth not to have done... which, again, ringing a bell anyone?

Because Logan, in not so many words, tells dear Wade to fuck right off, and we get this.

What we've got here is a direct translation of one of cinema's gayest moments, made somehow infinitely more gay. A true achievement here - I genuinely think I spontaneously acquired tetanus in the cinema for a good minute, my jaw dropped so hard on seeing this. The pillars are the same colour as Kirk and Spock's original uniforms, for fuck's sake. I'm dying out here.

What we've done here is create narrative equality. The whole film's kinda done that leading up to this anyway - they're both mentally fucked up men who can't die, who are constantly dying anyway, who are evenly-matched in battle and both enjoy Honda fucking, who have forged a real love even as they piss each other off at every turn.

But here, they place one another in narrative equality for the first time. It's not about a sacrifice, not now, even though they're assuming it is one - it's about what should be done. It's about righting wrongs, being heroes, being together because every option other than that is unacceptable, because neither understands quite how to lose anyone else. They've both made the same choice, and that's not to let the other die alone.

It's about holding hands and loving and never letting go, even if it kills them.

... It's just about the most romantic and gorgeous thing I've ever fucking seen.

There are no more instances of masks, once they're done in this station. They don't need them any longer; they will never need them again.

And that's only emphasised by the parting shot we get of this... almost directly after Vanessa and Wade share a final sweet look.

I don't know, man. It's almost like the true conclusion is hidden behind the acceptable masquerade. Imagine that in the MCU, folks.

They've taken one of the most intimate and sweet moments in screen history, and made even more glorious.

They did The Wrath of Khan better than The Wrath of Khan did it.

And that's... that's gay. That's just about the gayest thing they could ever have done, and I adore it to the smallest pieces.

So remember, the next time your friends disbelieve you... show 'em this. Show them that they redid the very beginnings of slash fandom, and did it better.

(And then you can add on that they now live in a one-bed with their grandma, daughter and dog, and will do for the rest of their lives. Kirk and Spock didn't even get THAT shit.)