Robin Fully Thinks That Dustin Is A Dog That Was Sent To Obedience School And Not A Human Child That

I only had Steve repeating his senior year because I wanted the kids to know Eddie already, but thinking about it? This messes Steve up so so much more. He obviously met Robin, who asked a few pointed questions that made him go oh. about his life and his identity.

He’s back for another year in high school because of post concussion symptoms. His parents are probably pissed. He’s trying to rebuild his own sense of self without defining it with popularity, but he’s stuck in the place where he was the most popular before. And is now one of those loser super seniors.

Enter Eddie, who had been on Steve’s radar as a vague awareness of maybe-attraction in previous years. And the guy is protecting his kids. Encouraging them. He’s also as close to Out as he can be in Hawkins. He knows who he is. He’s unapologetic and doesn’t let trends define him. He’s who he wants to be. Of course there’s hearteyes.

But Steve isn’t comfortable with himself enough to talk to him directly. Hence the letters.

And maybe at first he wasn’t even sure that Eddie liked getting them. Or was even reading them. Probably wrote about how he was anonymous because he didn’t think Eddie would actually like him if he knew. It’s been a theme from the start, and it was probably the first thing that Eddie talked about when he could finally write back.

Eddie totally said that anyone who wrote letters like that, who was that kind and clever and generous and funny, would always be someone Eddie liked. Loved. That it wouldn’t matter if X was ugly, that it wouldn’t even matter if X was a girl. That Eddie would still want to know them.

And that’s when you have those insults. When Steve was finally finally brave enough to be around Eddie. To come to Hellfire. Because Eddie had promised in the letters to teach X how to play, that he’d be so so patient because X told him that he probably wasn’t smart enough to play.

Eddie has to betray everything he’s said.

And it is specifically because Steve Harrington is anathema to Eddie.

Proof that who Steve wants to be, tries to be, is wanted, but who he is in real life, not on paper, isn’t good enough.

(Yes, Robin had to be hugged into submission to keep her from slashing Eddie’s tires)

But, tag writer whose user name I can’t recall, Steve didn’t write his last letter in the car. He dropped off the boys, went home, and wrote something longer at first. He tried to find a way to explain to Eddie that he’s trying. That he wants to be a better person who Eddie would be happy to discover is X. He writes it, and he doesn’t believe that it will ever happen. That he can ever be better.

Anyway, Steve totally gets Vecna’d in this AU, and Eddie is one of the focal points.

How to show emotions

Part V

How to show grief

a vacant look

slack facial expressions

shaky hands

trembling lips

swallowing

struggling to breathe

tears rolling down their cheeks

How to show fondness

smiling with their mouth and their eyes

softening their features

cannot keep their eyes off of the object of their fondness

sometimes pouting the lips a bit

reaching out, wanting to touch them

How to show envy

narrowing their eyes

rolling their eyes

raising their eyebrows

grinding their teeth

tightening jaw

chin poking out

pouting their lips

forced smiling

crossing arms

shifting their gaze

clenching their fists

tensing their muscles

then becoming restless/fidgeting

swallowing hard

stiffening

holding their breath

blinking rapidly

exhaling sharply

How to show regret

scrubbing a hand over the face

sighing heavily

downturned mouth

slightly bending over

shoulders hanging low

hands falling to the sides

a pained expression

heavy eyes

staring down at their feet

Part I + Part II + Part III + Part IV

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Youtube comments good sometimes

AU where after a fight with his dad, Steve’s entire life implodes when he’s told that Hopper is his real father.

This just wrecks Steve. He knows that his dad is disappointed in him and that he has to work harder to make him proud, but to find out that it was impossible? That the reason it felt like his dad hated him was because he did? And - and Hopper hates him too?

It never occurs to Steve that maybe Hopper didn’t know. All he can think about is how easy it was for Hopper to adopt El, so it’s not that he didn’t want kids. He just didn’t want Steve in his life.

He doesn’t tell anyone about it for a long time - not even Robin - and then one day blurts it out. To Callahan.

Callahan says, “You know, Hopper is like a father-figure to me so-“

“Hopper is my father.”

And then Steve just breaks down in tears and Callahan thinks to himself that there was probably a better way to start off telling this kid to stop trespassing.

An Unexpected Gift

written for ‘alone’ | wc: 999 # | steddie | rated: t | cw: no archive warnings apply | tags: pre-season four, pre-relationship, fluff, steve has a crush on eddie, eddie has no clue

@steddieholidaydrabbles

Part One Part Two

Winter break was in full force in Hawkins, complete with a post-Christmas Day bash at the Harrington residence. And after a full day or more stuck with their extended families, the student body was desperate to let loose.

Cue Eddie and his little black lunchbox.

The timing was perfect. His usual customers would have run through their stashes from before school let out, and he could even up charge a little extra when people tried to give him shit. Even then, he was still their cheapest option.

The extra cash would be worth having to convince Wayne to drop him off, still without his van. If he played his cards right, his haul from the party might be enough that he could finally take his van into the shop and stop having to share the pickup with his uncle.

So, perched on his usual armchair and nursing a watered-down rum and coke, Eddie pilfered out the goods. Only a few people noticed the lightly higher prices Eddie asked for, and even then, they wanted their weed more than they wanted to argue.

The house wasn’t decorated very extravagantly, so most everyone looked like everyone else in the dim light of the living room. A customer was a customer, and hard cash was hard cash.

He cleared his lunchbox just about halfway through the party, though he wasn’t sure just how much he’d made in profit. He made a point not to whip out the cash from the pocket inside his jacket with so many people around.

After that, Eddie didn’t exactly need to lurk around. He pulled out his backpack for the lunchbox, and the heavier coat he’d laid on the chair’s arm next to him.

One last unlucky customer sidled up to him.

“Hey, Munson,” Steve said, standing there in a trademark striped polo and dark jeans.

“Hey,” Eddie said back, settling his jacket over his front. He gave a strained smile. “Uh, I’m all out for the night. Sorry.”

Steve hadn’t always bought from Eddie, and he never seemed to mind when Eddie sold at his parties. But he rarely bought by himself, usually serving as the bank from which his friends funded their drug habits.

“No, I was actually wondering if I could ask you something.” Steve rubbed a hand at the back of his neck, unable to meet Eddie’s gaze. “Upstairs, if that’s alright? Alone?”

This was a bad idea. It was one thing for Steve to associate with him in the anonymity of the crowded mall, but there were only certain thoughts that went through people’s minds when Steve Harrington took people upstairs toward his bedroom.

And Eddie was not one of those people.

More like the opposite.

“Five minutes,” Steve promised. “I’ll even walk you out.”

“Not necessary, Harrington.” Eddie rolled his eyes and stepped past Steve, his beeline for the stairs serving as his answer to Steve.

They weaved past the drunk and/or high partygoers lining the stairs. With Eddie going first, he assumed that the strange looks he was getting was less than he if he’d been following Steve.

Who knew who had seen him go straight into the King’s bedroom.

He took a place in the center of the room, hands tucked firmly in his jacket pockets and backpack on his shoulder. Steve closed the door behind him, but he didn’t notice Eddie’s highly-raised brows, instead heading straight for his dresser.

Steve picked up a wide, white box and turned, holding it straight out toward Eddie.

“I didn’t know we were doing a gift exchange,” Eddie said.

“It’s just…something I thought you’d like.” Steve shrugged one shoulder, still holding the box. “I don’t expect, like, reciprocation or anything.”

Eddie peered at the top of the box, where a line of blue text spelled out ‘Bloomingdale’s.’ Eddie leveled his gaze at Steve, but all he got in return was seeing Steve nervously bite at his lower lip.

Eddie took the box.

He heard Steve swallow hard as Eddie worked off the fitted cardboard lid, taking it before Eddie had to ask. Letting Eddie see the garment inside in all its surprising glory.

“It’s—”

“They had one in black, like you’d said.” Steve pointed to the gift, as if Eddie couldn’t see exactly what he was holding.

It was the jacket from that day at the mall. Stiff, because it was new, but clean denim with bright silver buttons on the breast pockets and down the front. The only difference: black, instead of blue.

Eddie dragged his hand across the fabric, remembering how warm the one he’d tried on had been. The warmth that came from nicely made stuff.

“You actually remembered that?” he said.

Steve fucking shrugged again, like he just went around remembering random bits of trivia from people he should never be associating with, much less buying Christmas presents.

The worst thing? Eddie wanted to keep it.

It would be a lot harder for Steve to try and take the gift back if Eddie had it safely in his own closet. Refusing the gift meant Steve could just return it.

Was Eddie supposed to refuse it?

He knew one thing for sure.

Steve Harrington was confusing the hell out of him.

“I’m planning another party. For New Year’s,” Steve said, breaking up the silence of Eddie’s indecision. His hand still on the jacket, Eddie looked him, mouth surely hanging open. Steve pursed his mouth, seemingly unsure of his own words. “If you want to plan…to be there.”

Eddie would have been there regardless. Didn’t usually get an invite to these things.

He narrowed his eyes toward Steve, who he was sure hadn’t not looked nervous since he first walked up to Eddie in the living room.

“I’ll think about it,” he said slowly. He lifted the jacket from the box, officially accepting the gift and tossed the bottom part onto Steve’s bed. As he headed for the door, he added, “And, thank you. For the jacket.”

“Don’t mention it."

will you help them?

Diagnosed with Hanahaki, a genetic autoimmune disease, as a child, Steve has learned to live with it. Along the way, he finds a family and falls in love with Eddie. He is never cured, but he lives.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

After a few hours of talking, Steve decided what to do: for the next few days, he would just go to work as usual (after all, he couldn't miss any more) while his body began to adjust to the new medications, and once he felt more settled and at peace with himself, he would go to Eddie, then Hopper and Joyce, and then the kids.

In Robin's opinion, he should come out as soon as possible, but Steve thought it was a much better idea to alert Eddie about his health condition, see how he dealt with it, and only in a few weeks, after he had already gone through all the difficult conversations he knew he would have, talk about his feelings.

“What if he agrees to date me out of pity, Robin? I couldn’t stand it.”

“Eddie has a lot of feelings for you, but pity isn’t one of them. He looks at you like he wants to put that whole ‘eat the rich’ thing into action.”

“Maybe, maybe.” Steve reluctantly agreed, only because he knew Robin had the best intentions, but he didn’t have the same perception he did. They were in the kitchen, Robin having demanded to make a healthy breakfast. “But he only knows me as a high school athlete and a…”

“Fighter in the Upside Down?” Robin offered. She was looking right at him, having abandoned the fruit she was cutting. “A protector? Hero?” She pointed at Steve with the knife, her knuckles white. Steve stared until Robin set the knife down on the counter.

“Yeah. A fighter, a hero, a protector. Whatever. That’s how he knows me.” Steve crossed his arms. “Someone capable. Physically, at least. I’ve never been very smart, we don’t have the same hobbies, I’m not as passionate about music as he is. I can’t even smoke if he wants to spend his time smoking.” He ran a hand through his hair, already feeling his chest tighten, his breath starting to run out. “I can’t even get a job without you to convince someone to hire me.”

“Steve…”

“I’m not saying I’m terrible or anything. I’m not, you know that, but the only thing that’s exceptional about me is this illness and my involvement with the Upside Down. If it happens again, I don’t think I’ll be any use. I won’t be the hero you’re talking about anymore. It would be too much to ask Eddie to want me right after finding out the truth. So I’ll tell him, but only after he understands what it means to have Hanahaki.”

The discussion ended there, with a hug and Robin admitting that he was right and betting that she was right too. Eddie was in love, she was sure of it.

Despite believing that she had everything planned and resolved, a few hours after Robin left, Steve saw his plans being ruined by a hesitant and quiet knock on the door, followed by two loud knocks and another slightly quieter one. Steve opened the door and saw Eddie, who looked strange, rocking on his toes and looking around as if he were being chased by Vecna ​​himself.

As soon as their eyes met, Eddie twisted his hair and asked if he could come in. Steve let him, because he couldn't deny Eddie anything, but he still didn't feel ready to face him.

Steve turned his back and walked to the kitchen, because at least he could pretend to be busy cooking, just so he wouldn't have to face Eddie head on.

At first, Eddie didn't say anything, just watched as Steve put vegetables on the counter.

"Did I do something?"

"Hmm?" Steve hummed without turning around.

"You've been avoiding everyone. Dustin said he talked to you on the phone, you checked on Max a few times, and I know you've been answering all the kids on the walkie-talkie."

"Yes."

“I don’t understand. I thought everything was fine. That we were fine.”

Eddie’s voice was so weak that, against his better judgment, Steve turned to him.

“We’re fine.”

“Are you sure? I don’t…” Suddenly, his face turned as red as a tomato. “Didn’t I do anything to make you uncomfortable?”

And because he was a weak man, Steve leaned closer.

“No, of course not.” Steve smiled, wanting to make Eddie comfortable. “Why would you think that?”

“It’s been almost a month since we last saw each other.”

“I know.” The answer was so low and shaky that Eddie stopped playing with his hair.

“It was right after we left here, me and Wayne.” Eddie says, as if Steve didn’t know that. “I figured you might want some space, at first, because I can be pretty tiresome.”

“Nah, man, I never get tired of you.”

Eddie blushed again and looked pleased.

“Then I thought maybe you were upset about the move.”

“What? No, I know you guys need your own space. It’s not to offend me or anything.”

Eddie blinked owlishly and then laughed.

“Uncomfortable sleeping in the same bed as me.”

“Ah!” Steve felt his face heat up. “Ah.”

With an appraising look, Eddie took a step forward. A huge step, which put the two of them almost chest to chest.

“Eddie…”

“I even thought you might have been hurt that you didn’t help unload our things when we moved, you know?”

“I wouldn’t be upset about something like that.” Steve mumbled, still not having the courage to walk away and wanting to run for the hills.

“Yeah, I know.” Eddie whispered almost inaudibly and Steve was forced to follow his mouth to understand. “That’s why I dismissed the idea.” Then he smiled and Steve had no doubt that he was caught ogling. “I couldn’t sleep well, because every time I woke up in the middle of the night, I remembered you.”

“Hm. Yeah. I… I almost looked for you last night, I guess I still haven’t gotten used to you moving, after all.”

Having regained consciousness, Steve prepared to step out of Eddie's bubble of personal space, but all he had to do was put one foot back and he was pulled back in. Despite the growing tension between them, the last thing he expected was to be kissed.

I warned you, Dingus! A voice sounding suspiciously like Robin resounded in his mind.

When Eddie tried to deepen the kiss, Steve remembered the bitter taste on his tongue, the traces of blood in his mouth, and felt disgusted and embarrassed. This time, it was easy to get some space.

For a few seconds, they didn't say anything, but Eddie looked so pale and scared, ready to run away, that Steve managed to force the words he had been dreading out of his mouth.

“I have Hanahaki.”

“What?” Eddie straightened up. “How? Who? Why?”

Although the questions were vague, Steve understood.

“My mom has it too. I was diagnosed when I was 9, almost 10.”

“10 years?” Eddie sighed. “10?”

Steve leaned against the kitchen counter, because he was tired, but he didn't want to have this conversation sitting down.

“Hanahaki?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you sure?” Steve nodded. Eddie, alarmed, began to pace back and forth, stopping to look at Steve every few steps. “Hanahaki, that disease with roots in the chest? That destroys the lungs? The love sickness?”

“It's not like I described it, but yes, that's it.”

“Who was it, Steve? Was it Nancy?”

“What? No, man.” Steve laughed a broken laugh. “I told you I've had Hanahaki since I was little, I didn't even know Nancy back then.”

“So, who…? Was it your p…?”

“I don't know if you know this, but Hanahaki has genetic factors, as well as environmental ones. It manifested itself in my mother, then in me.”

“Your mother has Hanahaki?!” He seemed increasingly incredulous.

“I’ve been wanting to tell you this for a while now, and I think it needs to be now, before you say or do anything. Listen to everything I’m going to say, please.”

Eddie nodded in stunned silence.

“It’s scary, Eddie.” Steve said quietly, trying to find the right words. It was easier with Robin, maybe because he didn’t feel like he had to impress her, maybe because he already knew she would be by his side, maybe because he had left out so much. “Because I lived practically my entire life with Hanahaki. I don’t remember much of anything before the diagnosis, so I can’t compare it to… You know, a healthy body. I did a lot of things while I was sick, so I guess… I don’t know, I guess I thought I could do this, you know? That I could be strong all the time, that I could always run, be strong, that I… Geez, I said that before, right? Be strong.” Steve laughed humorlessly. “I could be an athlete who goes to the hospital almost every month and needs medication every day… I’ve had Hanahaki for 10 years. I’ve done a lot of things.” Eddie opened his mouth, but Steve held up a hand, so he pressed his lips together and waited. “I guess I didn’t even realize I was in the easy part. I didn’t stop to think about how much worse things would actually get, and I feel like it’s finally caught up with me.”

“Steve, you’re not going to die. You’re going to be okay, we’ll figure it out, anythi—”

“No, please. You have to listen, I’m just trying to think. It’s hard to talk about this. The only person who’s really listened to me is Robin, and we haven’t talked about it that much, so I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know how I should say this, so it might take a while. I need to think.”

After a few moments of silence, Steve assessed Eddie. Before Vecna, Eddie had always been so full of life, so loud, so theatrical. Steve had noticed it at school and when he picked up the kids after the Hellfire Club. After the spring, he changed, as they all did. He carried an air of tragedy wherever he was, lost in thoughts of suffering, inspiring infinite sadness at times. But he never looked like this. So still, barely breathing, and yet so alert, so aware of everything. His eyes never stopped moving on Steve, almost as if he was waiting to be able to see Hanahaki.

Steve thought that if he wanted to, he could stay silent and Eddie wouldn’t argue, because people could give in so easily when they thought you were going to die with the slightest disturbance.

“I’m not going to be okay and I don’t want anyone to promise me that. Now I’m going to tell you because it’s scary. I thought a lot about how to tell you this… It’s scary because I’ve known Hanahaki for years, but this disease still surprises me. A few months ago, I was so much more capable than I am now. I’m losing things all the time. Basic, simple, easy things. Things that I once took for granted. That’s what you need to understand before you…”

Steve looked into Eddie's eyes and blushed, because he could hardly admit that there was something between them without being sure that everything was clear. Of course, that was when Hanahaki decided to act and he coughed until he bent over, barely able to breathe. Eddie approached uncertainly and trembling, but Steve just stepped back and took a Hanahaki inhaler. From his pocket, he took a handkerchief and spat out some blood with pieces of the roots half dissolved.

The silence stretched on.

"That's it. That wasn't even bad. But it wasn't normal either, I'm just going through a bad moment, but I'm already treating it, I'll get better, it just won't be the same as it was before Spring." Steve explained embarrassed. "I don't want you to commit to anything without being sure what you're getting into and I have no problem waiting."

Eddie grabbed Steve's hands, not caring about the handkerchief, which got his hands dirty too. His eyes, the first thing Steve noticed romantically, were huge and scared.

“Steve, I won't regret it, you don't have to worry about that.”

Although he appreciated the sentiment, Steve got irritated and pulled his hands away.

“Well, what I need now is to make sure you're sure.”

“Okay, whatever you want. I promise.”

“It's not that I don't trust you, it's just that you don't know what Hanahaki is like. I know what it's like.”

“I'll research it, I'll learn everything. I'll become an expert at this! I swear.” The promise drew a wet laugh from Steve and, as if by magic, Eddie felt infinitely lighter. His eyes lit up and he reached out his hands once more, hovering over Steve's arms. “Can I hug you?”

At Steve's nod, they approached. Very slowly and with uncharacteristic caution, Eddie placed his hands on Steve's back. Steve huffed out a laugh and squeezed Eddie tightly, pulling him even closer.

"I won't break."

After that, the conversation was vague. Steve figured Eddie had a million questions, but he settled for asking if, even though he didn't know much about Hanahaki yet, he could stay and spend the night. As a friend of Steve's and nothing more.

For what seemed like the thousandth time, they lay down on the bed in Eddie's old room. There were no more personal items there, but Steve hadn't even changed the sheets yet, which were messed up on the bed as if they were waiting for Eddie to come back from a trip to the bathroom. He was kind enough not to comment, even though it was obvious he had noticed.

Unlike all the times they had slept together before, this time they cuddled. Maybe it wasn't the best idea for Steve's poor heart, but he was too tired to even think about fighting. To fill the silence, Eddie told him about a book he had been reading lately.

Just as he was almost asleep, Steve felt Eddie murmur something near his ear and asked him to repeat it.

“I asked if you’re going to need a transplant. I read about it once.”

“Probably.”

“Okay.” Eddie tightened his arms around Steve. “I can be your donor, Stevie.” Steve shook with laughter and felt Eddie’s smile on the back of his neck. “What’s wrong? You don’t believe me, Sweetheart?”

“Robin promised the same thing.”

“Oh, then maybe we’ll have to fight for you.”

That night, Steve fell asleep feeling like everything might turn out okay after all.

The next part is the last one. After that, I'll post some thoughts on it, for more context.

Tag list | @estrellami-1 @drips-and-drabbles15

It can be really bad, how controlled pain can be really grounding…

It is not always control or to feel something or to fell something other. Sometimes it is just grounding and bringing you back to the now with a clearer mind.

It is conflicting to tell someone to stop if you know it is helping and not to much harming… it could be too much harming and you will never know if it could be until it is.

I'm autistic and I currently feel like shit checklist

Hi there. Are you autistic? Do you currently feel like shit and don't know why? Try this checklist to see if you can Fix The Problem!

When was the last time you used the bathroom? If you answered "I don't know" or "at least 3 hours ago", go now!

Do you need a drink? Go get one if you don't have one in front of you.

When was the last time you ate? If you haven't eaten yet today, consider eating A Meal, or perhaps A Snack. Something is better than nothing, eat whatever you feel able to!

Is there something in your immediate surroundings that is bothering you? If the light is too bright, turn it off. If there is an annoying sound, make the sound stop or reduce your ability to hear it (earplugs, headphones, etc.). If your clothes are bothering you, change them.

Is your space messy? Pick one area of your room and clean it up as best you can. Clean your whole room if you have the energy!

When was the last time you did An Activity? Scrolling on social media doesn't count. Try actively doing something fun! Play a game you like, read a book, make something, or go for a walk.

When was the last time you Spoke to a Person? Consider talking to a person you like if it has been a while.

How long has it been since you did something Special Interest related? Make some time to do that today. Infodump to a friend, have a nice long research session, look at related images or gifs, make art about it, whatever works best for you!

Try stimming actively! Put on some music and dance, spin in circles, go to the park and use the swings!

If you still feel like shit after trying all of these things, you might be tired or sick. Go to bed early and get some rest. Hopefully you will feel better tomorrow!

Hope that helps :)