A Locket Humphrey Bogart Gave Lauren Bacall Has A New Owner.

new blog pro-column: any of my cursed bcs asks that were haunting you inbox are now at peace 🦋🌈

:( to be clear, *you* never stressed me out or bothered me, and i always appreciate hearing your amazing thoughts and perspectives! there were things that had gotten to be a LOT on there long before my dash decided to go mask-off bigotry like it did, and i went through various bouts of difficulty with various fandoms, my inbox has nearly 3000 messages in it, but you were never ever a contributing factor to that. it does make me quite sad, and i'm trying to just find ways to get through it and convince myself it's for the better, because i never planned to abandon my space there. but your messages are not cursed and i adore you, and our tragic lawyer blorbos, always 💙💛❤

THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS (1993), dir. Henry Selick

“and they called it puppy love” 🐾

my favorite genre of women is running from creepy castles/houses

Elvis with Johnny Cash, c. 1957.

*does everything possible other than deleting herself from existence to feel safer and better*

*it doesn’t work because she is caught in a seemingly unending fight or flight response*

my mom’s suffering so much from her arm and there’s nothing i can do to make it better, and she started having a reaction to the antibiotics, so she had to cut back to only taking one each day, and i am very worried that she’s been taking them for a week and is still in this much pain. we have to take the car back in tomorrow and leave it there, so we’ll have to figure out how’s safest to get home. meanwhile i just can’t sleep and am getting really close to the edge of not being able to handle it

things which have occurred over the past few weeks other than the irrevocable heartbreak the fear the shattering of hope and idealism and belonging the unending despair the not sleeping not eating dropping to an extremely low weight strands of hair suddenly turning white in my 30s due to stress of it all:

some of you know my mom has been very ill and had an excruciating reaction to a procedure which led to a serious cancer scare. it took two weeks to get the biopsy results back, and they'd pretty much convinced us to prepare for the worst. when they finally called back, she left me this note:

so that is a massive relief and blessing and we are very, very thankful for it, and grateful to those of you who knew and kept her in your prayers.

received this little felt and cotton haunted friend in the mail, but don't know who she is from!:

reached the Yentl chapter of My Name is Barbra (just ahead of its anniversary on the 18th, though i haven't finished this section yet), and everything about it feels more important and affirming than ever.

there are certain things that once you have no man can take away, no wave can wash away, no wind can blow away.

got our car back after $3600 worth of work, now all we can do is hope it’s fixed and continues to drive.

went with my mom to a follow-up emergency appointment about the awful wound that developed after the treatment on her arm, and they think the reason it reacted so badly and painfully is because she has cancer. apparently the cryotherapy tends to anger/activate those cells and bring them to the surface. they did a biopsy, we’ll know for sure in a couple of weeks and how to proceed with treatment from there. my dad’s been having a rough time with his lately, so praying anything with my mom won’t be too aggressive, but it’s impossible to know yet.

every day i have to see horrific things and people being unmasked ghouls with unleashed hatred on here and it is a terrible place. so. my heart is broken.

this, seemingly like all my other blogs (RIP 💀) was a bit of a failed experiment, i am taking a break for the foreseeable future. it could be short of long. tbh it seems extremely pointless to keep going or even try being here, and at the present moment, i cannot imagine feeling anything but despair if i am on here during the holiday season, and i simply would rather not do that. i need to have the energy to focus on my mom and help her in any way feasible, and my health has been taking extreme turns for the worse all year, i am more physically fragile than i have been in quite a while. the last three weeks have been the most unbearable i have ever spent online and living in this state is unsustainable. idk when/if i will feel like coming back more regularly, considering the atmosphere. my overall engagement and interaction will probably not be the same, it's just what it is. please remember that i tried. i tried so much harder than you realize. take care 💙