Lonelyness

Lonelyness

I can already see tomrrow in my eyes as I lay here at 3 am. The tiredness that will cradle me as if I'm dying within its arms. I'll lay here until I feel I can't anymore. I know I'll go to stand and fall back again as my legs give out to the pain behind my left leg. The gaping hole that will suck me in and heal back up once it's broken me down into nothing. My existence will not be anolage for my family is gone and my friends are none existent. I'll tell myself I'll clean later knowing that later never comes. And once again I'll hear the low grumble of my stomach as it begs for food i will not give it. I'll pretend that I can't hear, nor feel it as it twist my insides. Im prone to Blocking out the thoughts such as the fact I haven't had a proper meal at all this week, nor have I had proper social interaction, it seems I have forgotten how. I'm upset, I'm more than upset but not quite at the same time. I feel this feeling I haven't experienced much as of lately. But once again it's back. As if I'm it's toy to play with and it's the toddler I belong to. I'm nothing but I slave to its existence. I try to creep away, to disapear, but it's truely no use because im stuck here. My environment is diffrent and because of this. I am lost. ~Anon