Haha Another HC!!!

why is it always this:

No no no, fuck no, babe, you're gorgeous, no negative self talk.

when it could be:

Darling. You shine brighter than a thousand full moons at midnight. You have no need to speak of yourself in such a derogatory manner. Your radiance rivals that of Aphrodite herself.

Aliens And Chocolate

in a previous post, I stated that the only species that can eat chocolate safely is Humans! And we love our sweet, cocoa-y bars of the brown/white/black goodness.

but the thing is, everywhere else in the universe, it’s a carefully controlled, highly illegal substance. For some alien species, like the Penaconians and the Ahlmiws, it’s a hallucinogenic, intoxicating drug with severe side effects. For others like the Aakij and Zbbrk, it is a deadly poison.

The thing is, the illegal chocolatiers of the universe have refined their craft, and humans like it more than the chocolate we have. So you have groups of humans who go around to dealers, buying chocolate off of them for their hefty prices. And most aliens don’t know that humans are impervious to the dangers of cocoa! And the humans don’t know it’s illegal, so they’re not even trying to cover it up!

So, you know, there are thousands of intergalactic human criminals who are unknowingly on the run from the space police.

in a galactic jail somewhere

Burakkjian Serial Killer w/ a body count of 5000+: so, what’re you in for?

Literally just an average, everyday human: possession of highly illegal drugs and murder weapons

BONUS:

Karen, eating Nutella straight from the jar:

Steve: *chomps on Hershey bars*

Moss, elegantly eating ferrero rocher like the absolute royalty they are:

Zzgnaru: these are my idiots

Sunday: …they should all be dead or high

Boothill: Yeehaw they fuckin should

Ratio: the odds of them surviving are slim

Sampo: W H A T A R E T H E Y D O I N G A R E T H E Y S U I C I D A L S H O U L D I B E W O R R I E D

Aventurine: Oi, Karen, gimme

Karen, not really paying attention: sure

Ratio and Topaz, in unison: NO

Things abt SKZ

Recently, Lee Know and Hyunjin released SKZ-RECORDs, and both of them are depressing/love songs. I love them, they're amazing.

But it makes me wonder who they're about. Love Me or Leave Me sounds like a sad postscript for Want So Bad, which leads me to believe that, at least in theory, Lee Know is writing about Han. I mean, there's at least a bit of evidence for the MinSung theorists, so it's not off the table.

Long For You is quite in-sync with the feel of Hyunjin's other SKZ-RECORDs, and initially, doesn't feel too strange. But if you take into account the recent distance between him and Felix, you start to see a theoretical correlation.

I'm not going to say that I don't sail these two ships. I do, and I will support them no matter their relationship status.

Thx for indulging my thought process!

Smiles, Shroomie

my other little funny things

I'm not just on tumblr, as you may have guessed. I have AO3, Pinterest, Instagram (which I don't use very often, but still), Quotev, Wattpad, and... that's about it.

AO3: @shroomie_the_frog_whisperer

Pinterest: @shroomie_the_frog_whisperer under the name Shroomieeeeeeeeee

Quotev: @shroomie_the_frog_whisperer under the name Headcanon Generator Supreme

Wattpad: @AuraSaysRawr

I have forgotten my Instagram, so you guys'll just have to deal with it, but that's okay.

smiles, shroomie

preach, puki

fuck/marry/kill father son holy spirit

That's one guy, you fucking shit

What do the frogs think of the osemanverse?

And where would they get frog sizes books?

🤨🤨🤨

Questions

So, um, funny story?

Minerva McGonagall named her kids Charlie, Oliver, and Tori.

Charlie, coincidentally, is currently dating a frog named Nichard (or Nick for short).

Tori is aroace.

Oliver is too young to date.

Frog Size Books are available at Barnes & Noble and a queer bookstore in downtown Chicago, LA, Seoul, Tokyo and London.

The frogs are nerds.

Frog Politics Update!

It’s a bit happier today, so don’t worry!

Chicken Nugget and Croissant have been married! Minerva McGonagall officiated their wedding, and they will be adopting a tadpole soon!

on the subject of the War, Egg Ramen and I have been very busy with negotiations. King Se’quinn has agreed to many terms, but we’re not quite done. One such agreement has been that we will be sending Geoffrey to a corrective program with the Lizards. I, for one, am very happy about this. Geoffrey needs it.

Since I’m on hiatus, I will be posting less, but know that things are going well and the frogs are flourishing!

shroomie out!

Humans Are Crazy

Aliens have such different gender and biology from humans that none of them menstruate. So imagine this.

Alien: Human Steve, why did I find blood on the lavatory floor?

Steve: Oh, that's just Karen.

Alien: What??

Steve: Human females bleed from their reproductive organs once every month for five to seven days.

Alien: wHAT?!

Steve, calmly: Yeah, they can lose enough blood in a lifetime to kill ten grown men.

Alien: WHaT ?!?!

Karen, walking in: Steve, I need A FUCKING break. And chocolate. And a heating pad. I'll be in my sleeping quarters. Also, I threw up.

Steve: Okay, take the day off, I'll bring you your stuff in a bit.

Alien: *jots down in notebook* Human females are indestructible and fearsome. Regard them with respect.

EDIT: I swear, if this is the thing that makes me Tumblr famous, I’m gonna blow a braincell. And I don’t have many of those left, so…

Edit 2: Guys. Guys. What?! My grumpy menstrual rant is in no way worthy of being tumblr famous. *is mildly to severely confused/thankful/bumfuddled*

Edit 3: Why is this still getting notes wtf

Edit 4: STOP REBLOGING THISSSSSS

edit 5: if you like this, go look at these:

This is now a masterlist.

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