So Fucking Emotional At Dan Howell Being Named A Top 10 Influential Lgbt+ Figure. I Can’t Stop Thinking

so fucking emotional at dan howell being named a top 10 influential lgbt+ figure. i can’t stop thinking about how much he went through with the bullying and the self hatred and the years where hoards of people felt entitled to his sexuality and harassed him over it before he could properly put a name to it.

thinking about how dan said when he finally realised and accepted that he’s gay, he spent 2 hours sobbing on a balcony and drinking an entire bottle of rosé. thinking about how dan said he wanted to cancel interactive introverts because he knew he’s gay and felt like he needed time away from everything to process. thinking about the dan howell who went on tour anyway despite this gnawing at him. thinking about how dan took a year off to collect himself and then posted a 45 minute video detailing his journey and struggles with sexuality, self acceptance, outside pressures, and invasive strangers in detail because he owed that to his past self and present self. thinking about 2019 dan saying he wasn’t confident in his sexuality and couldn’t say he was proudly gay. thinking about dan going to london pride that year anyway and walking around with the gay flag and his silly shirt, beaming and radiant like we’ve never seen before.

thinking about the dan howell who wrote a best selling book all about his relationship with mental illness and how his queerness deeply impacted that because he thought that people could use it if needed. thinking about the dan howell who decided to perform a two hour stage show where he made loads of dirty jokes about his gayness to thousands. thinking about the dan howell who wears whatever he wants and posts whatever he wants without having to worry that the internet is going to pick apart every bit of him to see if he’s queer.

thinking about the dan howell now who came back to the gaming channel and now mentions his sexuality in almost every video posted. thinking about the dan howell now who is going on tour where the point is he and phil are gay as fuck and they don’t care anymore and honestly just wanna let their hair down and have fun with their dedicated audience. thinking about the dan howell now who poses with pride flags at m&g as a member of the community, not just an ally. the dan howell who is selling merch stating “dan and phil made me gay” because it’s really funny and he recognises that his audience is mostly queer and feels a sense of community with them. the dan howell who no longer shies away from the existence of phan bc it’s lowkey funny to him. the dan howell of 2024 who was voted in the top 10 influential lgbt+ figures. the dan howell now who is proud of that as a gay person who went through so much shit and came out the other side. no matter how bad it got, it still got better. it took time, but he got there (,: