Simplemosquito - Rat Bastard

the signs do be kinda vibin doe 👀👉👈😳✊👊🖐️🥺🥺

The worst part of being in a relationship in high school is craving the domesticity that comes with living together but knowing it won’t be possible for years because you’re in high school.

tumblr is the root of half the internets trends and memes

P!atd is over. Finally some peace and fucking quiet at the disco.

Oh to feel silence in the woods. To lay down on the damp ground and feel consumed by the gentle heaviness of a forest falling asleep

John Oliver Just Found A 'F**king Creepy' But Legal Way To Blackmail Lawmakers

The "Last Week Tonight" host suggested he has some really weird dirt about certain members of Congress.

Dude this is so f*cking briliant.  To basically get Congress to realize how f*cked up data privacy laws are. He did data mining, targeted men over 45 that are within 5 miles of the US capital, and put ads out including “do you want to read Ted Cruise fanfiction”. it looks like 100s clicked it including 3 that seemed to be in the capital building while doing so, which then means he has their device info, ip address etc. which he can then mine even more. 

So I work for this older couple taking care of birds and a horse and they have this parrot and today I was sitting in their living room talking about the parrot, and the woman I work for said something like “the DNA test results say she’s a girl but she’s never layed an egg or tried to make a nest. I think she might be gay. Which would really be the best of both worlds.” And the parrot just nodded happily so all I have to say is GAY PARROT

who cares about my gender? just hit me with your car already

they banned my literal first name but not mpreg

they didn't even ban mpreg