Losing A Friend (for The One That Got Away) 1/3

summertime - my chemical romance / texas rezkinoff - mitski / my boy (twin fantasy) - car seat headrest / a world alone - lorde / the goldfinch - donna tartt / fast car - tracy chapman / once more to see you - mitski / the predatory wasp of the palisades is out to get us - sufjan stevens / wish you were here - pink floyd

on running away, on waiting, on escaping. on love.

Something about leaving

Margarita Karapanou // Richad Siken // Andrés Cerpa // Alicia Cook // @thesadghostclub // Gabriela Mistral // Alejandra Pizarnik // Madeline Miller // Alejandra Pizarnik // Richard Siken

i wish i knew you when i was young

“wish i knew you” the revivalists // word of honor/山河令 , 天涯客/ faraway wanderers // “it’s a miracle we ever met” hallie bateman // “the great believers” rebecca m // @poeticsuggestions // “tim i wish you were born a girl” montreal // @dogmotifs // “come under the covers” walk the moon

A doubt arousal

I will tell you it's not me

I am a product of virtues and vacancies

The next decision I take

Isn't mine at all

It is manipulated and churned

Ask me a technical term

I will define gaslighting

While defining gaslighting

If I add few irrelevant facts

Forgive me

I already am manipulated

my next few decisions

Aren't within my control

You have me saying it

But I am trained to say so

You have me telling truth

But I am schooled to say so

You have me telling lies

But I was prepared to sell those

If your guts gave you courage

I want you to believe me

When I say believe me

If you doubt yourself right now

Do it

Wear off yourself

Do it

descrate yourself

Do it

Cleave the thoughts you holding

Do it (yourself)

Severely impotent right?

wait I know it's not you

And now you know it's not me

It as it is defined

Is gaslighting

It ain't red lettered alright ?

This definitely is narcissism.

NARCISSISM IS A RACE

“Some mornings I’m filled with longing, with sadness that has no cause.”

— Lisa Olstein, from “[both the specific remedy and the condition of health]” in The Lost Alphabet (via postmoderniste)

soliloquy of the solipsist, sylvia plath

YOU GOT TO BELIEVE IN POETRY CAUSE EVERYTHING IN THIS LIFE, INCLUDING YOU WILL FAIL YOU.

“I’d spent the last three years trying to build up some kind of a skin, so I wouldn’t drip with blood every time I brushed up against something.”

— Janet Fitch, from White Oleander