Normalize Wanting To Kill Yourself After Making The Smallest Mistakes

Trying to explain to people how depressing it is to just no longer enjoy anything and they just don't get it

I'm the best worst decision you've ever had.

Not now kitten daddy's googling his symptoms

okokok so

its been almost 2 weeks????? since me and my fp last had an actual conversation. i tried reaching out but they just ignored it and keep sending me fuckin memes and instagram posts and ignoring my message 🙃

i feel like i've already gone through the fucking 7 stages of grief with this mf and now i don't know if i care what they choose to do, so now im just wondering:

do i attempt to reach out again somehow and if so what the fuck do i say? OR do i just abandon ship and give up the entire friendship and see what happens-

im doing it again. i can feel it.

i'm much too excited anytime i get a notification. and then hit with a disappointment so intense that it's crippling when i realize it's not you.

i'm starting to think that the void in my chest of wanting to be understood is never going to be actually properly filled in. just sort of painted over in an attempt to conceal the big gaping wound of a hole in the wall like how landlords do to shitty apartments.

i don't know why i choose to spend my time here. waiting for others who aren't waiting for me. hoping that in every stranger i meet, there is someone who will really get me and understand the things that go on inside my brain.

doc there is a fucking hole where something was

Need to have the kind of gay sex where we are wearing clothes and fighting each other and we don’t have sex

the framing of "we can tell early humans had compassion because we've found skeletons of disabled people who made it to old age" kind of boils my piss a little bit because it kind of fundamentally assumes that compassion is the only possible reason to live in community with disabled people. and idk about you but I don't like the direction that logic tends to lead people