Why Am I Even Bothering With Sobriety And Cleanness At This Point. All I Wanna Do Is Be High And Forget

why am i even bothering with sobriety and cleanness at this point. all i wanna do is be high and forget how fucking miserable im gonna be for the rest of my life. just for a few hours. but i cAnT because tHinGs WoNt EvEr gEt BeTtEr iF yOuRe uSiNg. who the fuck cares if it gets better at this point? it obviously fucking won't. i'm trapped in this fucking disgusting body forever. the least i can do for myself is make myself happy for a little while.

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spectrespeaks

2 months ago

i just want someone to worship me to death and who never for a second even thinks about leaving me

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spectrespeaks

2 months ago

how the fuck do you make friends.

everyone else in my life gets to go hang out with their friends and go home to their partners and i hate it. i really hate to say that i hate seeing their happiness. it's not that i don't want them to b be happy and lead good lives, it's that im a fucking dumb jealous asshole.

everyone makes it seem like them and all of their friends just clicked together. there was no awkwardness at the start and everything just went so smoothly. meanwhile i can't get past the awkward small talk phase with everyone and it's completely discouraging. I dont want to end up alone. i don't wanna be forced into the shadows while i watch everyone else have a life besides me because i just flat out didn't deserve to have one.

tldr someone pls become unhealthily obsessed with me and i will offer the same in return

Tags

tw depressing shit tw depressing thoughts friends rant post loneliest tw depressing stuff bpd actually bpd bpd thoughts bpd vent borderline personality disorder self h@rm bed rotting bpd problems actually borderline girl rotting boy rotting borderline problems mas0chist

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spectrespeaks

2 months ago

I'm so tired of being in this vicious cycle of hating myself and not feeling good enough

855 notes View Post

spectrespeaks

1 month ago

breaking news: attention-seeking jirai girl (me) has killed herself after recieving no attention on the internet ♡

509 notes View Post

spectrespeaks

7 months ago

drugging me while you're thrusting inside my cunt, making me take a hit, slipping a pill between my lips, and holding a open vial to my nose. watching me get dizzier from the pleasure and drugs, slowly losing control of my mind and body.

2K notes View Post

spectrespeaks

2 months ago