Abstract

I Am Not Your Smooth

Smooth

Smooth

Groove

I can say I made it out alive

I can say that all the times I got pied

Humiliated, it felt like you, snide

Groove

Smooth

Smooth

You seem needy for a female

When will you realize, I will not be for sale?

For news you're stale

Smooth

Groove

Smooth

You wish you had this one

Away from that one guy I'll run

By someone else my heart has been nicely won

You are not smooth

You're vain which is not my groove

Please stop thinking I am your smooth

Tiramisu

I met a women named sue

She had ladyfingers that created the best of messy handwriting

And she drank coffee

She was guiding me

And she was sometimes Tyranny sue

But I loved that she knew, what she was doing

When she mentioned that she was leaving

She saw into my eyes and saw the tear in me

Sue…oh Sue

After she was gone

She caused a hole,

A tear in me Sue

Working The Night Shift

People think I'm lazy

But I'm awake for the same amount of time they are

I am just awake and asleep at a different time

They see me sleeping all day

But that’s because I'm awake all night

They say the early bird gets the worm

But what if I happen to consider myself the worm?

Not only that but…

The second mouse gets the cheese

I'm nocturnal

Either that or I was meant for the other side of the planet

But I do like seeing the stars

Street lights and few cars

It’s nice to be unbothered

By anyone really

Daytime people

Won’t understand the mood

Of Ziggy Stardust or the Dark Side of the Moon

Only Spacetime Oddities

Know about the secret societies

That only meet in the night,

Only to mess with the forces

Of the good, the bad, and the gravity

Along with pronking springboks  

Shadow Girl

Broken,

No one knows

No one cares

No one can see my depressed shadow

But that shadow is mine and it’s the other half of me

It is taking over

My hallow, dark inside, body makes a shadow

Please stop walking on my shadow and thinking nothing of it

You think stomping on it is funny

But you don’t realize that, that is me

I want to put a cast on my broken shadow but I can’t because it moves with me and is always behind me

You fall for the fake smiles and laughs in the front but you forget to look in the back

If anyone really did love me they would look in the back and try to control it

They would try their best to stop and conquer it

The sun only brings out my shadow more

I hate the sun

I like rainy dark days

I like the feeling but I hate it at the same time

Thought Soup

Honey don’t listen to them all

Don’t let yourself fall

Just keep doing what you were doing

The dream of life keep on pursuing

Don’t fucking stop

Pull out of that garbage smelling parking lot

Don’t let go

Keep moving even if it is slow

I know you sweetheart, you always make it

Keep that fire inside of you lit

Don’t let it go out

Cry your heart into a drought

Come on, love pull yourself out, now more than ever

You are definitely clever

Run you clever girl

Stop believing that you aren't a pearl

Just keep on your feet

Let the future uncurl, I promise it will end up feeling complete

Don’t ever let them force you to sit

One thing about you that amazes me is that you always make it

I know that this isn't what you think, I know it all seems like a mess

But you'll make it don’t think any less

You, have no clue

How much I believe in you

You will find a reason for that pain

Sorry I won’t explain

It will be a great surprise

You have the ability to see through lies

That perfectly terrible loop

Your brain right now is, thought soup

Just another bump in the road

You can take the heavy load

I am the future yet at the same time the past

That desert of the darkness is very vast

But "the best way out is always through"

So for now just make do

Wholeness

I feel comfortable right now

In this moment

I’m warm

I’m tired

I’m not freaking out

I feel like a little kid in this state of innocence

But this moment has just been ruined by my colon

In other words

I have to poop

Fucking mother nature

You must be laughing at me

But since tomorrow is my birthday

I suppose I should let you have a laugh

But please be careful

With your volcanoes

And your avalanches

But thank you for this moment

Full of my favorite things,

Music,

Warmth,

Fuzzy blanket,

Yarn,

Silly conversations with friends,

A head of ideas,

And lastly,

A feeling of completeness

Or wholeness

Dead in a Shallow Puddle

The face of it

The eyes fully open as if it was looking for something in me

The short hair sticking straight up, floating in the gentle movement

of the little puddle

But the eyes, cold, ice, blue

I dared to touch the dead person's face

I could see the sky, wind, water in those blue eyes

Wondering what their story might have been

The eyes were still alive, searching

You could tell that the body was withering away

In those eyes there was everything but fire

The bones becoming visible

There was nothing scary in those eyes

Who left them behind like this?

You could tell from their eyes that the person was gentle but they were too

delicate,

Like frosting on a cake

What was the last thing those rich eyes saw?

How many winters?

His eyes give me meaning

Something to live for even though he is dead

But his eyes stay awake

Then it hit me like a sword in the throat, he did it to himself

But his eyes are so big and beautiful

Why did he do that?

Those eyes of ice

His body was ice

His eyes spoke of sweet passions and dreams

He must have been a hard worker

But I fell in live with those eyes of ice

My heart will forever be frozen in time

His eyes alive

If only by miracle he came back to life

My eyes are locked with his

I always fall in love with something I can't have

Why must my eyes do that?

Safety Blankets

I don't like having a safety blanket

The kind that your grandma knit

When I have one I cut it

It makes me feel vulnerable

This is why I'm not exactly hug-able

Unfortunately for me I'm like-able

So in my case

I don't like the safe space

Or seeing your face

I don't want to get attacked so I'm going to keep my distance

Yes, I am probably causing the resistance

No, I don't need any assistance

Yes it's bizarre

Watch out when you're not looking I'll crash your car

I'll earn a new scar

Go out smashing windows

That's not even one of my lowest of lows

My safety blanket does not run with the flow

Without one I'm able to go around looking for trouble

Making love to this town's rubble

But if I had one, you could easily make me crumble

When I do have one I cut it

Especially the kind that your grandma knits

I dislike having a safety blanket

Reality

Filthy skin

I'm itching

To be an orphan

I'm waiting for lives to be gone

By then I'll be old

I'll be too late

I'm a failure either way

I need it badly

It's stuck on me

It has ruined me many times before

So I must go off to battle

See you long

Hidden secrecy

Private

Not stolen

My head is free unlike any words trapped on paper Memories run wild,

Fading

Should I let them slip,

Away?

I'm stuck in a lazy jail cell

I can't dig my way out in rhythm

If I could I'd still be stuck,

In an unfortunate life

I keep telling myself it's not going to happen

I already had my hopes set on fire

They're ashes of reality now

Oh reality...

A Meeting

There was no point in making me join my meeting

Because my thoughts were fleeting

Because I'm too fucking anxious to share my voice, please spare me from the madness

I couldn't even share a simple greeting You asked if I had any questions, comments, or if I have anything to say

And I do... but I guess anxiety doesn't want me to talk today

No, not even now

In this month of May The nurse isn't my cup of tea

And I feel that I am allowed no privacy,

This makes me very uncomfortable as a teenage girl and,

Details of my butthole are obviously my favorite topic for stranger to know about me The thing is, if I was dying,

If I was crying

I'd prefer to stay and sit in class rather than go anywhere else

I'm not lying She thinks I'm stable

And yet she's a mere stranger in my life and I probably still have proctitis on my table

I have so much on my plate it has overflowed

But I'll find a way to be able Having a bad stomach and anxiety make a perfect match that work

They are a dangerous loop that lurks,

In my background when I say that I'm okay

Yeah, I am a little jerk I'm still anxious and I don't sleep at night

Because my brain is playing back all the mistakes and times that I wasn't right

And how embarrassing it was, and how I will probably never live it down

And tomorrow will just be another blurred day of living in the fog of this mental, intestinal fight