I Want To Go Home

Silly Frustration

This one is for those who write their name small and messy

For the ones that got pushed into Besse

They’re ashamed and scared of the mistakes

With every single dreadful take

Sitting in my frustration

Study my realization

That I’m stuck

Out of bad luck

Can’t move in my seat

He’s watching in my normal horrible fleet

I studied my fast wit

Realizing I only have so much grit

Oh what I didn’t study

Does he see me as a silly fuddy-duddy?

My frustration should have,

Had him halved

Does he know how hard?

I don’t think he comprehends my backyard

His yearbook I should have signed to have no regrets

I lost my bet

Now I write my name small

I make anxious job calls

Afraid of making things worse,

I silently curse

Sort Of Straightforward

Don’t feel

Don’t show just so you can eat at least one more free meal

In your case

I must keep a strong unmoving poker face

You think that it’s rude for me not to answer

Tell me to get depressed for someone because of their lung cancer

Instead I think they need some cheer

And encouragement for them to face their fears

I don’t tell you how I feel

Because you would tell me it’s not normal and what I'm feeling is unreal

That I made it all up in my head

I'm crazy is what your body language said

When I do answer you, you tell me to stop talking back

And tell me that manners are what I sadly lack

You tell me you don’t like my tone

I would never tell you how much I want to puke at the smell of your cologne

Maybe my tone is bad but it’s not as bad as your writing font

You like to remind me that the troubles I have ahead of me are something to daunt

If I admit that something hurts then I get called a baby

You’d think that I was too much of a wuss to join the navy

Tell me I'm tough but act like I'm the weakest of the weak

I'm not brave enough to find help to seek

“No one’s going to get hurt here”

I could!  You would tell certain people is my fear

I wouldn’t trust you even If you promised, you could so very easily go behind my back

Oldness is what I lack

When you ever did know how I felt

You’d lecture me on how stupid I am for feeling it, then hit me hard with an imaginary belt

Because of that I would prefer to keep you in the dark

I might not be able to live through another mark

I just can’t have you know

If you ever found out, I’ll get buried in icy sharp, wet snow

But no matter how numb I am, I still feel

All my feelings are strong and real!

The Streets Of Regret

I often walk the streets of regret

I know my way

Down the blank streets,

Of this blank town,

That few people know by name

The ones that know are the ones who survive the pain,

With pockets full of dread,

With feet full of lead

There are people on the empty streets

Fighting to be the next Bruno Mars, or Beyonce

While peacemakers argue with them,

I secretly stand out

I’m fighting to be the next  Bob Dylan, or Patsy Cline

I know that those two are mine

Artists with feeling,

Don’t live in the same world as the robots with glass and glazed, laser eyes

There are cracks in the sidewalk kids are playing near

There are booze bottles littering the streets

I walk past with hurry stuck in my messy hair like gum

I don’t know much, but I'm sure I'm walking after midnight

Alongside a rainy wind blowing,

My wills are growing

I stop to see my hopelessness weeping

Instead of possums and passions sleeping

I turn a corner to find winter waiting waving at me

I turn a leaf to find some grey pill bugs that resemble me

Where do you go when you don’t have a home?

Do you just sit defeated the moment you are set free from your room?

Defeated because in the beginning you pushed too hard

In the start I saw the morning light hitting the dew drops in the backyard

The illusion of freedom in my black play pants

I guess that’s kind of my thing now, but now they come with ants

I don’t remember running out of hope

But I did realize that life is certainly not a fairytale where dreams come true

And true love’s kiss saves everything

You must live without your dreams and just do what a man’s got to do to keep yourself alive

The frustration of walking in circles, round and round

And constantly seeing clowns with painted frowns

As if they were mocking misery with their humor

They tell everyone how great the streets are but it’s a funny rumor

Dear, Dear Doctor

Dear, dear doctor,

Do you have anything for a broken heart?

Dear, dear doctor,

It feels like I'm being torn apart Dear, dear doctor,

It's not thumping but it still hurts

Dear dear doctor,

To a different person can you make me convert? I've never been hurt this way before

How dare he walk out the door?

I'm done!

It was never really any fun

Dear, dear doctor,

Keep him away

Dear, dear doctor,

In solitary confinement is where he should stay Dear, dear doctor,

Can you cut off a limb?

Dear, dear doctor,

How do I get my mind off of him?

Footsteps

Footsteps rattling the house like thunder

Demanding to be felt

Whispers of scraping bare feet

Demanding to be heard

Demanding for my valuable attention

Your distinct smell of deodorant smelled by my denying nose

Your yells for me to come out and play,

Demanding to get under my skin and to my heart

I'm not going to tell you that you are wasting your energy

I hope you will use your energy all up and wither

I have no heart

That's why I'm smart

I've got my back against the wall

But I can feel you banging your fist from the other side

Parading and patrolling the halls

I'm stuck in jail on my bunk

You seem to clomp,

With a pair of clogs

What the hell are you doing?

Demanding attention

And stealing glances

That's nothing new

About you

And your lazy master feet

I’m annoyed as a slave

And you’re running around the house like an aristocrat

You want to be close

And I want to be far,

Because I know I could end up with feathers and tar

You always have to dominate everything

This might be why I’m a control freak

In this house with slammed doors and loud footsteps

“Beautiful things don’t ask for attention”

Safety Blankets

I don't like having a safety blanket

The kind that your grandma knit

When I have one I cut it

It makes me feel vulnerable

This is why I'm not exactly hug-able

Unfortunately for me I'm like-able

So in my case

I don't like the safe space

Or seeing your face

I don't want to get attacked so I'm going to keep my distance

Yes, I am probably causing the resistance

No, I don't need any assistance

Yes it's bizarre

Watch out when you're not looking I'll crash your car

I'll earn a new scar

Go out smashing windows

That's not even one of my lowest of lows

My safety blanket does not run with the flow

Without one I'm able to go around looking for trouble

Making love to this town's rubble

But if I had one, you could easily make me crumble

When I do have one I cut it

Especially the kind that your grandma knits

I dislike having a safety blanket

You Knocked My Walls Down

You managed to knock down my walls

Which in itself

Is an impressive task

You knocked them down

And now I'm left in this deserted wasteland

Of thoughts

I look around

At the angry graffiti

That I am not proud of

I've built Berlin Walls

Around myself

And it's a fresh feeling having them knocked down

But I'm scared

Of the creepers

And the things that live in the shadows of the trees

You knocked my walls down

And now all that’s left is

Me

I’m In For The Ride

I find it funny that

White roses tarnish with age

I'm scared my love

Will have wrinkles the next time I will meet

Will it be you or me at the welcome mat?

Maybe I will keep your coat hanger for my rage

Like Cinderella shoe, or someone’s glove

I keep your writing as a treat

I'm in need of a deep conversation

And I think you'd be perfection

I wonder your thoughts on bottling up fear

And using the pressure like a Coke and Mentos rocket

Blast off with irritation

And safety goggles for protection

We could talk about what we think of Shakespeare

And girls pockets

When it comes to talking

I just don’t know how or where to start

Maybe I'm in need of a brave summer vacation

I have don’t have many ideas though

I just have to keep a rolling and a rocking

I also have to learn how to part

With hesitation

Learn how to jump head first into something when people are saying no

I have to learn to not think, just do

Every time I go around I want to reach for the gold rings

And see everything I can see before I can’t see

I want to know that if I failed, at least I tried

I find it funny how we all do the same motions but are different each time we carry them through

How we change slowly and want and need different things

I'm scared and I want to break free to be me

Lets see where life will show me and take me to, I'm in for the ride

Dreams

The boat left without you, you were too late

What would you do?

Just to chase your dream

Would you go to the extremes?

Would you jump into the water?

Would you do that even if you risked the chance of hypothermia, and just swim?

Does your dream fill you to the brim?

The bus left without you

What would you do?

Just to chase an easily broken dream

Would you go to the extremes?

Would you start running?

Would you do that with hurting side stitches?

Dreams can be b*tches

The train left without you

What would you do?

Just to chase your dream

Would you go to the extremes?

Would you try to follow the train tracks?

You’d never be able to keep up with the train

Dreams can take away your spoons, and drain

The plane left without you

What would you do?

Just to chase your already pulverized dream

Would you go to the extremes?

Would you drive?

You’d be late

Someone could steal your shattered fate

The team left without you

What would you do?

Just to chase you nearly impossible dream

Would you go to the extremes?

Would you push too hard and make yourself sick

Dreams can be d*cks

So what you missed your dream?, find a new one!

What do you think is fun?

Find one that you’re not too late for

Open your eyes there’s many doors

Protect you dream with your life, with the fire in your eyes, you’ll never get stuck

To life’s troubles you can just say f*ck!

When It Came To Life

When it came to life

They had their tires spinning

But I like to believe I was somehow the one who was winning

When it came to life

They made me feel unwanted in theirs

They are the heirs with the mean stares

I would like to believe

That I’m going to shine brighter

But I’m not the one who owns a lighter

I would like to believe

That I’m the one who is going to get around

But I’m stuck in the background

When it came to life

It seemed like they are naturally smart

I on the other hand, don’t even know where to start

When it came to life

They always managed to get luck and look good

I, on the other hand, look like a girl made of wood

I would like to believe

That someday I will be above all of this

Instead of being traded like baseball cards, I’ll have a person to kiss

I would like to believe

That none of this will matter

And I’ll be on the mound tauntingly saying, swing batter batter swing batter batter

When it came to life

They gave no real shits about my existence

And yet I kept with my foolish persistence

When it came to life

They had their own group

And I wasn't really part of the loop