The Combination Of Jojo And Warframe As My Current Interests Has Me Feeling So Autistic, In The Best
the combination of jojo and warframe as my current interests has me feeling so autistic, in the best possible way
More Posts from Suica-channel and Others
okay, let’s try this one!! “what’s your role in a found family dynamic?” on uquiz!!
Update, I slept and I'm feeling normal again lol. Like, it's okay that I'm changing, and every day I'm learning how to live as best as I can. that's sort of what life is about, isn't it?
Maybe it's partly because I'm in my early 20s, but genuinely, there are a lot of times that I'm not able to tell whether I'm being true to myself. Whether I'm just a colder, watered down version of the girl who used to feel so alive. Who enjoyed things vigorously and wrote fanfiction. So gung-ho about life, regardless of all her fears and all her (perceived) failures. But then, who is "myself" anyway? Maybe I've been changed. Maybe I've changed. Life has changed me. I have changed me. An unfortunate dalliance with illness, and the chronic cough that haunts me in its aftermath, has changed me. However minor or major, these things are like bricks stacking on top of one another, forming an ever-changing pyramid. And there are, of course, positive things among the negative things. It's just that sometimes, I feel like a body of text that has gone through a few too many permutations of translation. They are all versions of me, but... how much of the original intent is actually there? Was there an intent to begin with?
At this point in time, I feel more closed off than I ever have, yet just as afraid as I've always been. Perhaps I am more afraid. Where is the naive and innocent "me", the version that smiled more easily? I'd like to see her again. I'd like to tell her to be careful. There are times when I miss her so much.
well shit I reblogged to the wrong blog again. Oh well. Have fun with my raw vulnerability
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Dear Reader,
I'm glad that I got to experience life as a girl. I really am. It brings me to tears just thinking about it. Sure, there are drawbacks, but so many positives. I mean...
For example, it was nice to play with the other girls because they never treated me roughly. I could feel safe with them. And it's so lovely to wear dresses and skirts and cute accessories with no one thinking it's odd. It's nice to not feel so self-conscious about expressing my emotions. It's comforting to be able to connect and commiserate with others who have experienced girlhood and/or are living as a woman.
But... as I continue to see my therapist, I become more aware of how my anxiety manifests, how I often feel trapped or unseen by the world, for seemingly no reason that I can discern. The feeling of being trapped keeps returning. I'm scared of what it might mean. Maybe it's not related to my gender at all. But I'm still scared of it. And yet I hope to unravel it one day.
Today I went to shower and saw my body in the mirror, and maybe I'm just tired, but I felt so wrong. Another thing I'm not able to explain. And earlier when I spoke with my father, I hated every word that came out of my mouth, not because I thought what I was saying was dumb or irrelevant, but because suddenly, my voice didn't sound like mine.
By the way, I'm not a boy. In case you're asking that, I want to make it clear. To call myself a boy or a man just doesn't feel quite right. But I am always a person, and I don't mind calling myself a woman... sometimes.
I wish this was easy. But I have a feeling this is what the Death card that came up in a recent tarot reading (I know, I'm silly) meant for me. I interpreted it as needing to really grieve something in order to keep moving forward with my life. And I don't know, it all feels connected somehow.
Maybe this is simply part of my path to becoming a woman? I wonder.
For now I just need to cry. Like Chihiro from Spirited Away. I still remember the message I took from the ending of the film, that filled me with such sadness.
"I can never return to my childhood."
ok so just started the first fontaine quest, i wont say where i am rn in case of spoilers, however, here's my assessment of the characters i've met/seen again:
lynette: deeply depressed. this catgirl needs headpats.
lyney: there's something sus about him.
furina: adorably annoying. i wanna kick her teeth but also i wanna follow her to her inevitable doom. like a scientist observing a wild beast.
clorinde: simp. furina's kujou sara. i think.
childe: what the fuck are you doing here.
freminet: turbo-depressed. this man needs hobbies and a break in his routine.
neuvillette: bro is elegant, bro is eloquent, bro is stunning, bro is an authority.
charlotte: she's the best clickbait writer in all of teyvat.
i have eaten some spoilers already so i know how at least 2 characters end up like. i still have to meet a few more. so far i am liking it.
everyone say in the tags what their current custom discord status is
PSA: Artists! Please avoid putting your painting water next to your drinking water. You WILL mix them up at some point. 🩵
Taylor swiffer is generally about as straight as it gets, but "Dress" is gay. to me
Like...
carve your name into my bedpost / cuz I don't want you like a best friend
It's kind of only this line, but it just gets the sapphic gears in my head turning
