Summatun - SmaTn

Soul mate

Love and stress: Multitasking doesn't come easy, unless you're not aware that you are multitasking. I have found myself in a predicament that involves being childishly in love and staying focused to get through the last few weeks of university. I'm not here complaining about life, but to talk about how I feel and how I am managing this stage of my life. This stage of my life is actually the topping to a bitter dessert. I've been studying ongoing and 5 years later, I am literally coming to the end of my schooling years. In about two weeks I am officially done and can start looking for a proper job. But lately I know that I have been slacking with prioritizing uni with love. When you're in love, all that you want to do is spend every breathing second with your companion. No matter the hours and hours spent together, it just isn't enough. I could lay in bed all day without a single thought of having to get my assessments done, I could stare at his face without getting sore from smiling from happiness, I could listen to him talk for hours without being afraid to get sick of his voice. It feels like paradise with every eye contact and I honestly don't think I could ever get sick of studying his expressions. In the other hand, I am quiet aware of the fact that I keep pushing aside work that will determine whether I will walk away as a teacher or not. I am aware that I may be enjoying the love life a little to much. I am aware that all my assesments are piling up, and they need to get done as soon as possible otherwise I will become an owl. I am aware of it all and I am somewhat stressed about it, but the advantage for me is that I am quiet a chiller when it comes to meeting deadlines. I find myself work better under pressure, knowing that I need to get it done. That is how I deal with it. I've gotten through the past 5 years of uni with this attitude and this performance. If I had done it wrong, I wouldn't be here today... So I must be doing it right... In my own way. Loving him has been the best thing that's happened to me since I bought my first ever car, which was a huge step into my pathway to becoming an independent young woman. I know that my work needs to be done, I am quiet informed of it, but being in love is just so much more fun. I will get my work done eventually.

Perfection

Mantra

I search to be completely human; to feel, to give, to talk, to laugh, to get lost, to be found, to dance, to love; to just be so human

Love your imperfections is life

Body comparisons. 

“Nawww.. Summa, you are the best girl I ve met over my past 24 years. I have never had this kind of relationship b4. The only closest woman in my life ever was my mum. Now you are the second person. I no ur stressed about placement. I feel your sadness due 2 ur sister going to departure and of course ur parent’s disapproval. But you know what, take this as a test. And take me as a your fellow study partner, we ll get through this hardship together and believe in your heart that we will have a really strong unbreakable bond. Life is not always for the most fastest, smartest and gifted. Life is about finding coping mechanisms to adapt to new challenges. Hence we become the most dominant species on earth. Also I am sincerely sorry for the relationship mishaps between you and your older sisters. They dearly love you a lot and it is one of my biggest no go zone to get in between family relationships. Please know that I can not change anything regarding my race, culture and traditions. Stay hopeful and keep the faith my beautiful girl. You will always be in my heart for as long as the sun rises and the moon laminates. Enjoy the time you have your family especially your Saki, you are in a time were hardship is prevailing ur wits but ill be by your side. I will be ur savior, lover and a guide. Enjoy today with new motives and forget wats been said and done. We only live once and we only live in the present. I love you dearly my Summa. Ill catch you around yeh!”

Amazing

. by peter methven on Flickr.

Flying over South Australia and the Northern Territory was so hypnotic. My fear for flying was excluded from my thought as I starred intently outside the window. 

The story of us:

I’ve been single for over two years now and I haven’t been fussed about getting into a relationship at all. People constantly ask why I am still single, there is not answer just simply because I wasn’t bothered by the fact that I was single, I am happy and I don’t need someone to make me happy because really only I can make myself happy. 

Recently someone i vaguely knew as a child walked into my life, it was very un-expecting and I had no intentions on getting into a relationship. He fooled me as it was Aprils fool, I instantly found myself smiling at the situation because it was so funny. He made me laugh without even knowing even when I was rejected as it was a joke. This moment was the beginning on a journey I didn’t plan.

I obviously had expectations to the person I would want to make a life with, hence why I’ve been single and haven’t let a soul into my life. I’ve always wanted someone who I could openly be myself with, someone who knew my whole life journey, someone who understood my beliefs and values without judgements, someone who had a gentle soul but with strong moralities, someone my family would love, someone not only attractive on the outside but also on the inside. But most of all, I wanted someone who I could potentially spend the rest of my life with. This is why it makes it hard for me because how do you know its the right one? Does the right one even exist?  

I can honestly admit that I’ve never felt love. What is even love? Love really has no meaning because to me love is everything. I wonder where this journey will take us... perhaps I might find the love of my life?