I Have Neither A Good Imagination Nor Aphantasia, But A Secret Third Thing

but i am an american so i must kill. im order to survive. if i don't kill them i will die. i don't think surviving is wrong. do you think im wrong for surviving? they deserved to die too. so i could live. did you know how difficult it was to kill? if anything i am the victim. the person i killed is gone but i have to carry these scars for my whole life. my life is a blessing on the earth don't you know why aren't you celebrating it? you must be a terrible person. i just thought about killing you.

fucking screaming when i read "lose your hands pussy curse" i was like...king its supposed to be acidic but not THAT acidic. straight up melting off at the wrists. pull out your fingers and there's nothing left but the bones

would

See also, "We're in a drought; conserve water!" Meanwhile, bottled water companies and golf courses for rich folk empty the aquifers.

can you tell that there's something bothering me

me at any given time: can we just buckle down and focus on the task at hand please???

my brain:

my brain: ……….ranibow sprimkle……………

Serenity

search history, 1:11 am - 1:39 am

if i go through withdrawals when a person doesn’t talk to me as much is that a sign of love?

what do i do when all of my connections feel fleeting or flimsy on my end, even those i have with my own mother?

what does it mean when i sit by the phone waiting for them to respond?

i fantasize that every kind stranger i meet has secretly fallen in love with me, am i lonely?

do i lose value as a potential partner if i cannot feel sexual pleasure?

is it wrong to feel devastated that i am doomed to be a temporary fixture in my best friends life?

i haven’t been able to feel romantic love in years, did something inside of me break?

when will i cease to exist in a constant state of catabolic mayhem?

when a caterpillar is inside the chrysalis, does it dream?

is living vicariously through romance between fictional characters a valid coping mechanism?

what do i do if ive become so disconnected from myself that ive even lost understanding of what my sexuality is?

i could easily kill myself right now and that doesn’t really scare me, is this a bad sign?

how do i die metaphorically, and be born anew literally?

is my relationship with the universe parasocial?

is my understanding of myself superficial?

is suicidality contagious?

is anyone out there?

drew over something i wrote for a class and liked :] sorry the cars are lowkey ugly, its because I fucking hate cars and cant be bothered to learn what they look like beyond ominous hunks of metal

edit: transcript of the poem by itself under the cut

6 Tips for Crossing the Road

Look both ways

The road is for cars. 

Make sure to look for them before crossing. Even when you have the right of way, cars have a lot of safety features and you have none. 

Use designated crosswalks 

The road is for cars. 

So is the crosswalk but, under brief and temporary conditions, you can use it too! Never jaywalk, never walk in the road, just hope there is a clear and functional sidewalk. 

Cross at the light

The road is for cars. 

There are rules and signs for them, but that can only go so far. Walk quickly and hold your breath and hope that the light doesn't turn. Make eye contact with drivers as their cars teem with potential energy, rumbling with disdain at the inconvenience of your crossing. Try to ignore the cloud of exhaust that you are in and they are above. 

Leash your pets

The road is for cars. 

Obviously. 

To you, it may be natural to sacrifice so much space to them but to your dog, it is not. His instinct is to explore freely. You must curb it. Modern US car models have such high hoods that the average child, let alone dog, is obscured. Even on the sidewalk, hold the leash tight because the sidewalk (if you are so blessed) is next to the street and the threat still looms.

Look out for road kill

The road is for cars. 

And no one was there to leash the deer. 

Or the raccoon. 

Or the cat. 

Did you know that the most reliable sample method for wildlife in an area is looking at the roadkill? 

Remember these tips

The road is for cars. 

Cars are everywhere. In the city. In the suburbs. In the country. In the woods (the US Forest Service manages more roads than the entire Ministry of Transit in China.) Cars are everywhere because there are roads to bring them there, which is great if you are a car and want to get from place to place fast without worrying about the in-between. 

Unfortunately, you are not a car. 

You are an animal. 

You are in-between. 

So remember to look both ways. 

when the club is fighting or something

Big day for deranged evangelical freaks