You Should Be Able To Say “don’t Touch Me” To Anyone Ever In Any Context And Not Have It Be Considered

just one psychotic episode will change your life, forever. it'll alter your self perception beyond recognition. you'll remember who you were before, back when you were (relatively) sane, always been sane, and you won't recognize her anymore. she'll feel more like a sister. you're still the same, you are--but you aren't. you're different, you know you are. You're different in ways you cannot articulate, in ways your loved ones cannot truly grasp. you've experienced something most people believe is impossible to experience. likely because it is. it was something impossible, grand, and terrifying. the most scared you've ever felt in your life. God looked down on you and laughed, and finally, finally you know what it feels like to be that small and vulnerable. you can't go back to before, when you were naive, ignorant to your size. but it's okay. you're okay, now. it's over and you're safe. and you've always been safe, really, it wasn't real, but the trauma is. the trauma is real and it's lasting.

and it's not real. and you know it's not real. but sometimes you get scared again. so, so, so scared, because it was traumatizing and now you're left with flashbacks to a time when the world didn't make sense, when you weren't yourself, when you were small and confused and lost and could not understand yourself let alone be understood--and it feels real again. but you don't believe it, not really, you know you don't. you know it's not real. it's not psychosis round 2, but you're still so so scared--scared that you're wrong, that it is real, scared that you'll go back there--that you'll lose the sanity you grappled for. fought for. but you don't. not yet, at least. the flashback passes, same as any other flashback. but the fear lingers. you'll fear losing control like that for the rest of your life. years of sanity, remission, and you're still afraid, because you know what that felt like and it was scary. it's weird to believe again, when you don't really believe, it's weird to relive unreality while knowing you're within reality. you can feel your sanity, you know it's there, because it's saying "this isn't real and we know it's not real. we know this. but I am so so so scared anyway. I am so scared of experiencing it again. I am so scared that I was right and now I'm wrong."

psychosis is traumatic and trauma leaves you with flashbacks. and sometimes it feels like you're there again. like you've slipped away again. and it's scary. but you'll be back, I know you will, because I'm back, I'm okay, and you are too. I love you. I love all of you. love yourselves for me.

thinking of jesus at the gay bar again………

no i don’t have an “astigmatism” i can just see the halos of the angels that live in car head lights that you losers are too spiritually closed off to see

Hey, can y’all rb this if it’s okay to send you messages asking about your ocs, cause on god I wanna interact with y’all but I am terrified of being annoying lol

"what do you do to contribute to society" i post my ocs to tumblr dot com lol.... 5 people on there like them.......

This is just a reminder to lock in and do your refs for Art Fight. It starts in July, it's already May 😭‼️‼️‼️

babies

star dividers !

BITCH NO IT WASNT REASY

By the power of ADHD, I am immune to tinnitus. My left ear rings very faintly, and most of the time I can just completely tune it out because the constant invariable note cannot hold my interest for long. I only actually hear it when the other background noise of whatever environment I am in stops all of a sudden, and the ringing is the only one that remains, and then it gradually fades out like the end of an 80s pop song.

Sometimes I can make it fade out faster by trying to focus on listening to it. The more I focus, the more quiet and distant it gets, until I can't hear it anymore. In the battle of Curse of Infinite Whistle versus Can't Hear Shit Disorder, my ability to simply not notice my surroundings is an immovable object, but the inescapable noise is no unstoppable force.

I consider myself a fortunate man for how often my problems somehow manage to cancel each other out.