21, any pronouns. Mental health, spirituality, self love, Wonyoungism, what-have-you.
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Latest Posts by thecureforanxiety - Page 3
@masensus
rediscovering shame and giving yourself compassion (how to deal with shame as someone with ADHD)
this is directed towards my fellow ADHDers who have trouble with reoccuring shame while leads to hindered productivity.
signs that your productivity is hindered by shame (compiled by my own experiences):
you feel negative physical symptoms when you think about your responsibilities
you find ways to avoid the responsibilities
every time you make progress, you feel like you don't ever wanna touch it again
when you present your progress, you feel ashamed of yourself because it's not finished (on time & according to ur standards).
you feel like you are a constant failure. you never win, despite achieving good things here and there.
you are a walking ball of anxiety
you have a fear of being perceived
there's probably more, but eh those are just from my own experiences
below i will write down what y'all should remember, what you can do to help yourself, etc. this is compiled from dr k, my own journaling time, and my firsthand experience from having shame 24/7
some things u gotta remember
shame is what exists in the gap between your ideal self and where you are currently.
your ideal self doesn't have to be unrealistic, it can be yourself when you were at your peak or someone who is very similar to you.
shame brings negative thoughts, because it makes you see progress as a negative thing.
instead of being happy that u made progress, u grumble to urself and ask "why didnt i just do it sooner? im so stupid". it's a reminder of your failures, so u avoid progress altogether.
shame can become a part of you, to the point where you feel uneasy or vulnerable if you dont feel ashamed at yourself
shame doesn't do anything to ADHDers in the long run except self-loathing and hindered productivity.
what should u do?
basically self-therapy, but instead of stopping at why, i try to solve my shame one-by-one.
examine past moments where you felt a LOT of shame. this can go back to elementary. the stronger the emotions, the better. now, write them down. you're probably cringing, but that is good. feel all the cringiness running through ur veins.
why did you feel shame? why did it happen? what did you feel?
reframe your thoughts. instead of immediately running away from it, accept it and justify it. give it compassion. give it a hug. was it your 7 year old self? hug yourself. it's okay to fuck up and do silly things sometimes, and it's okay to have ADHD. it's not our fault.
remember that ADHD is a lifelong nerudivergency, you can't just push it away. coping mechanisms and tools help, but give yourself some grace when you screw up. it's our first time living anyway.
calm your body down. make sure your physical body is doing okay.
now... think of one thing you want to do but can't because of shame and do these steps carefully. think of the reasons why you might be ashamed, and reframe your thoughts.
WARNING!! TAKE IT ONE PRESENT ACTION AT A TIME. don't do this for every action you want to take, let your body slowly learn that it's okay to make progress despite the shame you feel, and you are allowed to feel compassion for yourself.
train your body to accept compassion slowly. life is tough with ADHD but it's even tougher knowing that shame will get in your way. give yourself a break, it's fine to fuck up, we all go through different things anyway. even if it's not fine, you will learn and make those mistakes a lil bit lesser in the future.
ok hope this helps.
TNEWTIES
Step into my healing aura you shit fuck
One depression hack I've found is comparing how I treat myself to how I treat my cat.
Oh you didn't eat dinner, but you want to go to bed? You wouldn't make kitty cat go to bed without dinner would you? No? Got get a snack.
Oh you don't feel like taking your meds? Would you make kitty cat skip his meds? Go take your meds.
Oh kitty cat is allowed to have a bad day and be cranky about it but you're not? Is that the logic we're playing by, hmm?
I have reframed taking care of myself to just taking care of another cat. It works wonders.
There will be a lot of posts soon from people sharing how much they achieved in 2024. But in case someone needs to hear this, it's okay if the only thing you did this year was just get through it.... It's ok.
I’m about to save you thousands of dollars in therapy by teaching you what I learned paying thousands of dollars for therapy:
It may sound woo woo but it’s an important skill capitalism and hyper individualism have robbed us of as human beings.
Learn to process your emotions. It will improve your mental health and quality of life. Emotions serve a biological purpose, they aren’t just things that happen for no reason.
1. Pause and notice you’re having a big feeling or reaching for a distraction to maybe avoid a feeling. Notice what triggered the feeling or need for a distraction without judgement. Just note that it’s there. Don’t label it as good or bad.
2. Find it in your body. Where do you feel it? Your chest? Your head? Your stomach? Does it feel like a weight everywhere? Does it feel like you’re vibrating? Does it feel like you’re numb all over?
3. Name the feeling. Look up an emotion chart if you need to. Find the feeling that resonates the most with what you’re feeling. Is it disappointment? Heartbreak? Anxiety? Anger? Humiliation?
4. Validate the feeling. Sometimes feelings misfire or are disproportionately big, but they’re still valid. You don’t have to justify what you’re feeling, it’s just valid. Tell yourself “yeah it makes sense that you feel that right now.” Or something as simple as “I hear you.” For example: If I get really big feelings of humiliation when I lose at a game of chess, the feeling may not be necessary, but it is valid and makes sense if I grew up with parents who berated me every time I did something wrong. So I could say “Yeah I understand why we are feeling that way given how we were treated growing up. That’s valid.”
5. Do something with your body that’s not a mental distraction from the feeling. Something where you can still think. Go on a walk. Do something with your hands like art or crochet or baking. Journal. Clean a room. Figure out what works best for you.
6. Repeat, it takes practice but is a skill you can learn :)
favorite tweets
NEVER LET YOURSELF BE STOPPED BY WHAT IT WOULD HAVE BEEN LIKE IF YOU STARTED EARLIER!!!!! THE ONLY TIME WE HAVE IS NOW
It's a lot healthier to go for a daily walk than to sign up for a gym membership you won't be using because you hate that kind of exercise. It's a lot healthier to eat a frozen meal than to skip a meal because you were too tired to cook something healthy. It's a lot healthier to take a quick shower than to procrastinate an elaborate routine for days. Don't aim so high that you won't be hitting anything!
GLOW UP GUIDE FOR 2025⠀
READ: On average, it takes more than 2 months before a new behavior becomes automatic — 66 days to be exact. And considering that 2025 is precisely these many days away, why not start with our glow up plan already?
Physical Glow Up-
BODY
— 5-10K steps a day.
— 7-8 hours of sleep.
— workout everyday for 1 hr atleast- yoga/stretching/pilates/cardio. a workout may take one hour, but your mood will be boosted for the next 12 hours.
— posture training.
— sunlight exposure after waking up for at least 10 minutes.
NUTRITION
— 2-3 liters of water every day.
— limit your caffeine intake.
— avoid sugars as much as you can.
— high protein diet, pre and probiotics.
— more fruits and veggies (+ green smoothies if you like).
— no junk/processed food/trans fat.
— no eating after 8 pm.
SKINCARE
— be clear on your skin type (oily, dry, combination, sensitive).
— once you're clear, use these accordingly- cleanser, toner, targeted serum, eye cream, moisturizer, sunscreen (≥50 spf).
— keep your bedding clean as well.
— no picking of skin on your lips, cuticle etc.
— gua sha to help improve blood circulation and lessen toxins.
— cold therapy may take three to five minutes of being uncomfortable, but your energy levels will be boosted for the rest of the day.
— remove makeup before you go to bed.
BODY CARE
— shower every day.
— exfoliate 2x a week.
— use body lotion (shea butter/aloe vera gel/coconut oil).
HAIR CARE
— wash hair 2-3x a week
— oil your scalp 2x a week, at least 3 hours before shampoo.
— hair mask 1x per week.
— never brush wet hair.
— use silk pillow case.
HYGIENE
— brush your teeth 2x a day, clean tongue and the roof of the mouth daily.
— floss daily.
— cut your nails 1x a week, never remove the cuticles.
— glycolic acid under arm for odor and discoloration.
— never use soap on your coochie.
Mental Glow Up-
MINDSET
— set clear goals- define and breakdown your aspirations.
— start your mornings with positive affirmations.
— surround yourself with uplifting content and people.
— be shamelessly selfish to your career and mental health, remove anyone or anything that doesn't align with your priorities and wellbeing.
— boost your brain health by these 4 neuroscience tools:
difficult first: start your day with the most difficult task (cortisol and dopamine are high in the body meaning that your body/mind is primed to work).
rest your eyes: introduce a micro-pause after learning by resting/closing your eyes - will help retain information better.
tomorrow's worries: write tomorrow's to-do list before bed as it is proven to be effective in helping you fall asleep.
find time to play: engage in low-stake play. can be anything you find fun but where the outcome doesn't matter (induces neuroplasticity + reduces stress).
MIND
— meditation might take as low as ten minutes, but your focus will be improved for the rest of the day.
— no social media after waking up and at least an hour before bed.
— keep aside 1 hr of time to read daily! reading a new book may take five hours, but you will keep the knowledge forever.
— journaling, gratitude.
— digital detox once a week or for 12 hours.
— limit unnecessary screentime, unfollow or cut off people you don't want to see.
JOURNALING
— choose a regular time each day to journal, making it a part of your routine.
— find a quiet, comfortable place free from distractions. light a candle if you want.
— allow your thoughts to flow without censoring or editing.
— write about your feelings and emotions to understand them better. write about things you are thankful for to boost your mood. write about your short-term and long-term goals. identify what triggers certain emotions or reactions
— set a timer for 5-10 minutes and write continuously during that time.
— reflect on both positive experiences and challenges.
— make lists, journal your thoughts on these questions.
— journal at night to clear your mind before bedtime, because emotions and thoughts lose their power once we acknowledge them.
— a gratitude practice may take five minutes, but your mindset will be shifted for the rest of the day.
AFFIRMATIONS
— customise affirmations to your needs.
Personal Life-
WEEKLY TASKS
— initiate small changes: begin with small, manageable tasks such as making your bed or cleaning your room every sunday.
— celebrate your success: reward yourself when you achieve your goals or have a consistently productive week. consider treats like buying flowers for yourself or watching your favorite show.
DAILY WORK
— set achievable goals: establish realistic goals for the day, week, or month ahead.
— track your progress.
— organise your work space, declutter your shelves etc.
— embrace the power of lists: keep a list of tasks to be done and their deadlines. this way, you start each day with a clear plan. to make it visually appealing and motivating, consider using productivity apps like evernote, habit tracker, or notion.
PRODUCTIVITY TIPS
— wake up early.
— plan ahead everything, do scheduling. you can use:
google calendar / notion / tasks .
— if the task takes less than 2 minutes to finish, do it immediately.
— countdown rule, if you are procrastinating, count 1-2-3-4-5 and jump.
— start slow, don't rush and try to do everything at one time.
— follow a proper routine, use app locks based on screentime.
— pomodoro technique, 25 min work, and 5 min break.
— schedule longer break times as well e.g 30 min nap.
i’m not where i want to be, but it’s okay because i don’t need to be there yet. i still have time. i still have the motivation. i will get there all in good time.
gentle reminder you can rise up from everything. you can recreate yourself. nothing is permanent. you are not stuck. you have choices. you can think new thoughts. you can learn something new. you can create new habits. all that matters is that you decide today and never look back.
It’s annoying but the way you improve yourself is one tiny thing at a time
controversial opinion but unfortunately you are your actions and what you say. if you are mean to people, it doesn’t matter if you sometimes have secret kind thoughts. fortunately you are your actions and what you say. if you are kind in your actions and your words, it doesn’t matter if you sometimes have mean thoughts. the power is in working against inner negative thoughts and being a better person despite it. you have the ability to cultivate the person you want to be.
Andrei Tarkovsky, from a diary entry featured in Time Within Time; Selected Diaries
It's okay to 'grieve' things that aren't just death. I've allowed myself to grieve a friendship ending, a situationship, losing something important to me, etc. It's okay to give yourself time to process the loss of something. Grief looks different for everyone, try to find a way that works for you to help make it easier for you.
⚠️ emergency links
this is a list of resources for when you're in crisis, whether you're suicidal, triggered, having a panic attack, or any other mental health emergency.
this list will be updated with new resources as i find them.
emergency numbers for your country
helplines for your country
Australia: lifeline 13 11 14 & other helplines
managing flashbacks
quick helpful tips for suicidal feelings
you feel like shit interactive self care guide (alternative site)
reassurance masterpost
Get Self Help
psychosis coping strategies
grounding techniques
dealing with trauma triggers & OCD
DBT options for solving problems
self-soothing ideas
how to check the (emotional) facts
TIPP grounding skill (temperature, intense exercise, paced breathing, progressive muscle relaxation)
ideas for soothing impulses (urge surfing)
tips for when it feels too much
why am i feeling bad? flowchart
looking after yourself (particularly tolerating distress)
staying safe in a crisis
crisis support (particularly for dissociation & dissociative identity disorder)
safety tools & resources
dealing with PTSD triggers
grounding & containment strategies
change your life ✨️
feel free to join me in this. I'm going to try to post every day about how I did <3
- get at least 7 consecutive hours of sleep. I've found if I go to sleep and then wake up back for a couple hours and then finish the 8 hours I feel I incredibly unrested. I keep myself accountable by using pokemon sleep which has a great alarm, so I'm looking forward to trying this instead
- read or listen to an audiobook for 30 minutes. literacy is a muscle, and using it is important, but sometimes I can't just sit down and read a book, and audiobooks are great for when I'm cleaning or cooking or folding laundry
- get sun daily. humans are a lot more like plants than you would think and so it is important to get some sun, even when it's a wintery sun that's cold or when it's a blazing furnace. Since I have some mental health issues and am unable to go outside im going to at least open my curtains, and if possible, crack a window to get some fresh air
- start a hobby you can enjoy. this one can be difficult because a lot of things require some sort of financial investment. for me, my hobbies for these six months is going to be writing and annotating books. but being creative is great for the human mind.
- learn to be comfortable alone. honestly this one will be difficult. personally, I live in a studio. privacy is nothing i experience, butthe little moments where you find yourself escaping with TV playing or music pause it and sit with yourself, how else can you learn to love someone if you avoid them 🥰
- meditate daily. this will be something I struggle with so much, but I'm going to try in the mornings since that's my peak time <3 and that's when I plan on doing a yoga flow during the sunrise
- eat healthy nutritious food. I hate cooking and I hate eating. having autism can make these really difficult for me to do, but I'm really really trying. I started the week before last to work on figuring out what snack foods I can prep, and now i just need to work on planning out some meals.
- positive affirmations everyday. I really struggle to have positive self talk because it feels so awkward and uncomfortable because I've been pessimistic for so long, but I want to change that ^^
- reduce screen time. this is going to be specifically targetting mindless scrolling for me. I have a tiktok account that I use for motivation, same with my tumblr account, and I also read on my phone and use my sleep app that I need to keep open at night.
- practice gratitude. my goal is to at night reflect on the day to try and find the good. I already reflect on my days and pick a mood, but I want to create lists of things i am grateful for, especially while I'm in between jobs.
Romanticizing the Sunrise
September 14, 2024
We've all seen those come of age movies, the ones surrounding teenagers and schools where groups are formed based on popularity or personal interest. They tend to begin with the main character or the main friend group just waking up and getting ready for the day. These films often play an upbeat song about how good you look, how everyone loves you, or about how the system is broken and you shouldn't care what the popular kids think.
Humans are idealists and dreamers inherently. A lot of us consumed these types of films as kids and now as teenagers or young adults we find the routines of these movies ideal. Below are some easy ways to help become like those coming of age movies.
Revamp your Alarm
Add emojis or special characters to the alarm's name
Add a song you like as the ring tone (preferably an upbeat one)
Set the alarm 5 minutes before you have to get up to give you time to mentally prepare for the day
Drink cool Water, Coffee, or a Smoothie
I personally prefer drinking ice water in the morning then followed up by coffee when it nears 10. Our bodies need water more than anything else especially after sleeping for hours on end. Water is actually really good for you both mentally and physically.
Make two Morning Playlists
Make a playlist for slow lazy mornings
Make a playlist for when you wake with energy or motivation
Eat breakfast
I know not everyone has an appetite in the morning, most days I don't. But even packing slices of fruit, nuts, or a slice of bread for later could be good! xoxo
what “feeling better” can look like after using a coping technique:
beng able to get up and walk around safely
thinking/talking more clearly and lessening of brain fog
a willingness to re-engage with a situation/emotion (even with some reluctance)
ability to do a task you did not want to/could not do before
being able to plan and problem solve (even if you still don’t know what to do)
improved concentration/focus
more understanding of a situation
calmer and slower thoughts (rather than scattered thoughts/rumination)
slower heartbeat and breathing
faster heartbeat, if doing exercise, and momentum that gives you a chance to do a task before you sit down again
being able to sleep easier
an ability to look at the big picture and not get lost in the details
feeling that you can “manage”
ability to control outbursts/destructive behaviour or pause before acting
managing to stop crying
I think people tend to assume their mood is what will improve after trying coping techniques, however, your mood is not the full extent of your mental health, and it doesn’t totally define whether or not a technique has helped you. When disorders cause symptoms like chronic emptiness and low mood, it’s worthwhile to pay attention to your body and your abilities to look for signs of improvement, which can then have an affect on your mood in the long term.