Thegamerbook - TheGamerBook

reverse rant

(Yup, it’s that time again…)

There’s no use pretending that the JSE community isn’t going a little sideways at the moment, at least here on Tumblr anyway, and I’m not presumptuous enough to assume that me adding my thoughts to the proverbial dumpster fire will solve anything. But I’ve sat by and watched the flames get higher for a few weeks now, and I think it’s high time I get this off my chest.

The “tea” blog is a flawed idea, yes. We can all acknowledge this. Anyone can go and anonymously spread misinformation or fear, and that’s not helpful. But a lot of the anons on the blog are also just concerned members of the fandom who don’t feel safe to speak out otherwise, and that’s scary, guys. People in our community can’t or won’t speak up because of the PMA Police jumping down their throats about “spreading negativity” when really, we do need a chance to clear the air. That blog’s existence is proof enough of that.

So allow me to be honest: I haven’t felt connected to the community really since Sean’s break last year. The things that I loved most about the Tumblr side of the community was the theorizing and the inside jokes and, yes, the positivity. It seemed like this community, among others, stood out as one that stuck together and encouraged one another. But recently? There’s been nothing to theorize about (Ego content, gaming content, or otherwise). The inside “jokes” have gone on too long and many weren’t even that funny to begin with. And the most depressing of all? Friends of mine have been harassed because they shared their honest feelings about Sean’s changes to the channel. Others don’t feel comfortable voicing their opinions at all. All because of this forced mentality that if we pretend everything is fine, eventually it will be. But that’s only going to put more and more strain on things.

Let people feel how they feel. That’s the main idea behind PMA. Feel distant from the community. Feel sad to see the channel change. Feel a little wary if you want to. But don’t resort to going anonymously on a blog that has said they don’t really care about this community. Speak to friends and fellow members. Get those things off your chest to someone you trust and acknowledge them. It’s okay to feel those things. Maybe they’re just temporary. Every community goes through lulls. There have been times where I’ve felt distant from many communities I’ve been a part of, but 9 times out of 10, I’ve come back around to them later on. The same may be the case now.

Or they may be a permanent issue for you, and that’s okay, too. People change and move on. If this community isn’t a place you want to be anymore, it’s not the end of the world. I know that many of us are emotionally attached to the channel and the community, myself included, and it’s hard to entertain the idea that this change might alienate us from something we’ve loved for so long. But there’s always more out there to discover, and you are free and welcome to explore it, no matter what others say. Don’t let them guilt you for leaving.

And if you want to stay, spread real positivity. Spread real kindness. Don’t elbow for attention and validation by being “the most positive” or “the most devoted.” That’s a cult, my friends. Cult-fandoms sicken me. There is no room for new people. There is no room for open discussion. And there is no room for an actual community. Make no mistake, I am not saying we’re already there. But if we keep traveling down this road of jealousy and finger-pointing and censoring, people are going to leave and never come back and the best days will be far, far behind us. And I don’t want to see that happen.

Instead, just be genuine. That’s something I think our community is lacking right now: genuineness. Be honest and allow others to be honest as well. Decide to stay because you want to, or allow yourself to step back if you need to. Personally, I’m taking a step back. I’m going to allow some time to pass to see if my interest returns. I’m not going to follow as many JSE blogs as closely. I’m not going to watch videos unless I really want to. I will continue writing the Egos because I do genuinely enjoy that, and my slice of the community here around my blog is still a ray of sunshine in my life. The people I have here are why I’m still posting at all, and I want to keep posting for them. And I’m not going to feel bad about it. This is how I choose to enjoy something that is made for enjoyment. And it’s okay.

For anyone who wants to talk, get some things off your chest or whatever, my DM’s are always open. I promise that this blog is and always will be a safe space for you guys, and I thank you all for being so kind and so fun. I really do love this little corner of the community we have here, and I want to keep it together. That’s why I say these things, not to start drama but to clear the air. And that’s all I’ve got!

Stay gold, cutie pies.

Hadn’t been in the mood for a while to REALLY draw something until now. Enjoy some Emo Anti! Check out my speedpaint above to see my process of drawing it :) Like & Subscribe maybe? 🥺

Don’t steal/repost

writer: this is one of my male characters! he cares about his guy friends and loves them deeply.

tumblr: oh! so he’s gay!

writer: uh…no, he’s attracted to women.

tumblr: ….so he’s bi!

writer: uhh…no…….he loves his guy friends but he’s not romantically/sexually attracted to them.

tumblr: ….so you’re homophobic.

writer:

Them, dating, that's all

Some things just never change, do they?

💀 WIP : Ghost Dramatically Sliding 💀

Been some time since I post an ACTUAL artwork instead of shitpost comical memes LMFAO. Well in this WIP I'm trying more actions and try the motion blurs to accentuate the movements.

This won't finish soon since I'm neck-deep in finals. BUT IT'S COMIN'

also someone requested a wallpaper-able Ghost art so I'll make this suitable for a wallpaper as well. Stay tuned! q(≧▽≦q)

Ey got tag, so let's do it!

Top three ships:

Danti (Markiplier and Jacksepticeye egos), Klance (Voltron Legendary Defender) and Janti (Jacksepticeye egos)

Last song you listened to:

Nothing Remains - Andrew Stein

Last movie you watched:

V for Vendetta

Book your reading:

Physical book - The 5th Wave

Digital (mainly Wattpad) - Hunted by the Mafia Boss by kenipads

Food you're craving:

White chocolate mocha

~Tags~

Anyone that wants to do it!

tagged by fred @eyebqll!! tysm fred i love tag games <3

top 3 ships: in no particular order, tyrus (andi mack), snowbaz (carry on) and sarawatine (2gether)!

last song you listened to: day and night by day6!! (stream demon aoty!!!!!!)

last movie you watched: uhhhhhh the half of it i think? it was very good but i wasn’t able to finish it :(

book you’re reading: absolutely no idea i haven’t read a proper book in ages i don’t think i even know how to read anymore

food you’re craving: nothing really, since i just ate and im too full to think about more food lol

tagging: @tylercamebackyes @localkrowkid @cruel-moon @randomsmilingpotatoes and anyone else who’s interested!! 💖

“Holy shit.” He breathed, tugging at the tie that felt strangely unfamiliar against the broken skin of his neck. “Holy shit… I’m both of us, aren’t I? Is that even possible? Do we even… Anti, calm down. No. Hah, holy shit, that voice is fun!”

It’s ya boi, Danti! Don’t be fooled by his soft appearance- he’s twice as fast and twice as deadly as his components, with just enough begrudging narcissism to exude an air of confidence.

@caori-azarath he looks like everything YouTubers wanted to be in 2011-

Chapter One: 1823 October 10th The πυγολαμπίδα

        Italics are Jack’s thoughts.

        Bold Italics are Liru’s thoughts.

Jack’s P.O.V.

        I was running somewhere in the forest, I don’t remember when I got there or how long I’ve been here but the sun was beginning to go down. I can hear their taunts about the fact that my brothers never visited me, how even though they are six of my nine soulmates, I haven’t heard a word from them since they each got adopted ‘Do they even remember me?’ and then Anti… I tried to block it out, I really did but I just couldn’t take it anymore, the emptiness left behind like a festering wound caused their absence.

        I feel my eyes begin to tear up again, blurring my vision which leads to me tripping over something and landing onto a trail I’ve never seen before. Before I can comprehend what just happened a horse that was blacker than night had slam to a stop and throwing itself up on it’s hind legs letting out a sound that was more of a wild dogs growl than a horses whinny.

        Just as I was about to scramble away from the giant horse ‘seriously I’ve never seen a horse this big’ whose eyes I would swear until my dying day glowed red, I heard someone yell in a language that made the thing in my head growl.

        “Stélla!!! Ti diáolo!!!” The cloaked person ‘girl?’ yelled as I heard them hit the ground with and at the sound of her voice, a feeling of familiarity slams into me like a frying pan.

        ‘Someone rides this thing?’ Was the first thing I thought before I scrambled over to the fallen person to help them up.

        “I-I-I’m so s-sorry I-” I cut my self up just as I grabbed onto their hands and I can see what looks like a soft green lightning move across their skin and I had followed it up to th-Her face, and all at once the feeling of the words Oh, there you are wash over me as I feel a warm and calming yet chaotic presence mix with my own. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest as I looked into her eye that isn’t covered, those beautiful blue eyes, like the night sky when ever the sky is clear on a full moon. I was snapped out of my thoughts when she whispered something under her breathe.

        “H-Here,” I stutter out grabbing her unnaturally warm hands and helping her stand not noticing the suspicious look in her eyes.

        “Thank you.” she said nearly causing me to jump out of my skin as I was not expecting her to talk and in all honesty it was more of how soft and soothing her voice was. I snapped out of my thoughts realizing I was just staring and I could feel my cheeks heat up as I stuttered out,

        “O-oh, uh y-your welcome.” I mentally curse my self for stuttering so much before realizing I was still holding her hands and quickly pulled them away trying to stutter out an apology waving my hands slightly and before she burst into giggles causing my heart skip a beat ‘It’s so pretty’ I’m quickly brought out of that thought when she speaks,

        “Cute.” She noted with a small smile in an accent that wasn’t from around here. Well if my face wasn’t red before it sure was now. “Whats your name?”

        “O-oh, um, my name is Jack.” I try mentally applaud myself for only stuttering once though that doesn’t stop my heart from stuttering when she smiles.

        “Nice to meet ya Jack, I’m Liru.” She replied sticking her tongue between her teeth for a second and god did that look adorable.

        “Nice to meet you Liru.” I reply before she would think I was staring at her. She got this thoughtful look on her face before asking, “Would you like to walk with me and Stella?”

        I looked at her confused before I felt a tuft of hot hair roll over me and I quickly jumped turning to the source and freeze before looking up seeing the large death black horse with ‘Black?’ eyes that I swear were red at first. I hear Liru giggle from behind me and she steps up next to me putting a hand thats looks comically small compared to it, on it’s nose and gently petting it.

        “This is Stella, my horse.” She looks over at me with a smile before saying, “Go on, she wont bite.”

        I look at the horse and swallow nervously before putting a shaky hand on it’s nose as I feel it stare into my very soul. I watched nervously as she just stared at me before gently nudging her nose into my hand and I instantly relaxed and I let out a breathe of air I didn’t realize I was holding and I could hear Liru giggle from beside me as I pet Stella’s nose.

        “So would you like to walk with us?” I look over and without thinking I say yes. She smiles, “Good.”

        She walks back to where she fell and picked a…. ‘Scythe?’ It was bigger than she was with a golden pole with and silver blade with a ruby and sapphire colored eye on the blade and on top on the poll was a bunch of charms connected to thin silver ropes or chains to poll. I was wondering how I didn’t notice it before hand as she attached it Stella’s side removing a leather sack from the same side before turning to me pulling me from my thoughts as she said, “Alright lets go.” as she began to walk down the dirt path and I quickly walked to keep up with her and walk beside her.

        “Soooooo, where are you from?” I ask so we don’t have to walk in silence. She shrugs a bit before replying, “No where really. What about you?”

        “A village not far from here, I think.” I mutter the last part since I wasn’t sure for how long I ran. I don’t notice her confused look and tilted head as I hope she doesn’t ask questions. We continue to walk in silence before come to a field thats by a lake that I’ve never seen before. She walk over to the side of the lake and I follow quickly and she walks over to what looks like a bridge made of stones and tree roots and quickly made her way across it a little Island surrounded by Rose bushes and lush tree’s that shouldn’t be this green this time of year. She finally stopped walking as we get to a grass clearing and setting down the bag and turning to me.

        “I hope your hungry. There’s a lot of food.” Just as she said that my stomach growled loudly causing me to blush and her to laugh. I quickly walked over and sat in front of her my face red. She begins to pull out food and I can feel my mouth water at the smell of the surprisingly still warm soup and cool sandwiches.

        “I knew there was a reason I felt like I needed to make more then normal.” As she handed me a jar of warm potato ‘and ham!’ soup, a ham and cheese sandwich along with a spoon. I quickly open the jar of soup and dug in eating eagerly and a freeze as I hear her laugh and say,

        “Slow down Πυγολαμπίς you’re eating like you haven’t eaten in days.” She teases and I freeze my eyes flickering to her face and I can feel my face go red but for shame rather then embarrassment and I sit a little straighter looking down and out of the corner of my eyes I can see her teasing grin turn into a frown.

        “Jack,” She says in a soft voice like one would use for a frightened animal. “Whens the last time you ate?” she gently prodded gently and I can feel myself begin to panic, worried that she might be mad at me. “Jack.” She prodded again but this time a little sterner.

        “I-It doesn’t m-matter. B-besides I’m-” I get cut off. “Jack!” she snaps and I flinch and her voice goes back to being soft but stern voice.

        “How long as it been Jack.” I force my self to relax realizing she isn’t angry at me but I am still on edge. “T-two day’s.” I answer quietly and I heard the sound of metal beginning to bend and panic again, “B-But s-since today is my b-birthday i-i might-” I’m cut off again but this time by the sound of silver snapping and the top half of her spoon flying off somewhere.

        I flinch as she sets down the spoon and jar and getting up and walking to me quickly. I drop the spoon and jar and before I can scramble away she pulls me into the warmest hug I’ve ever had.

        I sit there in shock before beginning to melt into it and cry and cry and cry before I finally managed to calm down and she pulled away and so did I albeit rather reluctantly and when I looked up at her there were little glowing bugs everywhere, illuminating the soft smile spreading across her face. I felt her hand brush away some hair from my forehead and I panicked for a second realizing she uncovered the one on on my forehead before seeing her smile grow a bit and says in a fond voice, “You too, huh.”

        I look at her in confusion as she moves the hair covering her face out of the way revealing two more soul-marks ones of a red phoenix with green accents and blue eyes underneath her right eye covering her cheek the tail feathers going down the her lower jaw like the one covering my right lower arm, and then an identical copy of the one of my forehead on hers, a heart, a spade, a diamond and a club creating a diamond on her forehead, just like mine. I’m shocked and I can’t help but stare before her giggle snaps me out of my thoughts and I watch her go and sit back in her spot.

        “Eat.” I don’t bother arguing with her and I quickly eat the sandwich and soup while she eats hers with a new spoon. I lay back content, my eyes closed and as I open them I’m greeted with the glowing bugs flying in-front of my face and I look at them in confusion and I jump a bit when I hear Liru speak, “They’re Lightning bugs.”

        “Huh?”

        “Or fireflies.” I look at her as she watches the ones flying around me fondly, “Which ever you choose to call them, they’re still beautiful, dead useful to when you don’t have a lit lantern, as long as you don’t scare them of course”

        I look back at the little bugs whispering “Fireflies huh.” as I continue to watch them dance in-front of the night sky. ‘wait… night sky?’ I realize just how late it really is and I shoot up quickly exclaiming, “I need to get home!” I quickly stand up and look at her as she stands up obviously confused saying in a kind voice,

        “You know you can just come with me, you don’t have to go back there.”

        I shake my head no vigorously, “Nononono, you don’t understand I need to go back.” I looked at her pleading with my eyes, barely noticing the sadness coming from her, before she frowned be sighing, “Alright, come with me, Stella and I will take you home.” Her tone resigned.

        Before I could reply she walked back to the bridge quickly crossing it with me close behind jogging to catch up as we got back to her horse. Once we get to Stella she goes and grabs her scythe before strapping it to her back as her horse bowed for her so she could get on putting up the hood to her cloak and I freeze realizing that she looks the horseman death that the adults would talk about seeing in the forest late at night, the one that is responsible for so many disappearances if the wandered into hi- her forest. But I can’t find it in me to be scared, she’s the first person in ten years who was nice to me, to worry about me…

        She looks over at me her hood not covering her face like it should and she puts her hand out to help me on and when I see the soft smile on her face, I can feel any fear and worry disappear, I grab her hand and she pulls me up so I’m sitting behind her.

        “Lets go Stella.” The horse gets up quickly and I grab onto Liru, letting my mind drift into the calm chaos of her mind, as she takes of in full sprint towards my village. For some reason I didn’t even question on how she knew where I lived and just wrapped my arms around her waist tighter and I could feel one of her hands on my arms as she keeps facing forward which I was great-full for since I could feel my face heat up and to make it stop I try to focus on the noises around before realizing the only thing I could hear was the wind, there wasn’t any sound coming from Stella. Sure she was snorting every now and again but her hooves made no sound as they hit the ground over and over. Before I could question any further she began to slow before coming to a stop and as I sat up confused I realized we were already my village.

        “We’re here.” She said peaking at me from over her shoulder and Stella knelt down for me and as I was sliding of the black horse I heard Liru say to me leaving no room for argument, “I’ll meet you around here tomorrow.”

        I quickly turn to her in confusion and before I can say anything I felt her press a kiss to my cheek and I can feel my face turn redder than before and as she pulls away I can see her pink tinted cheeks in the moonlight. I stumble back a bit as Stella stands up again and turns around and I look up at Liru as she looks down at me before saying,

        “Happy Birthday Jack. Sleep well.” Before I could say anything in return the horse and her are gone like a light and I just turn and stumble towards the orphanage, her missing presence already leaving me feeling empty again.

Liru’s P.o.v.

        I’m Hanging onto Stella as we ride back home, wondering how Jack could know how to use a mental connection, wondering on how someone so sweet could be my soulmate and forgetting about the little picnic area for the time being, my heart lighter but also heavier as I hear Stella’s voice enter my head.

        “Shall I tell them to keep an eye on him when you aren’t around little one.”

I frown to myself thinking not wanting to invade his privacy but I’m also worried for is safety. I come to my decision as my castle comes into view and keeps my legs low as her bat like wings come out as she takes off into the air her eyes glowing red as she becomes a bit decayed. “Yes, but to not attack anyone until those humans,” I spit out like a bad taste, “lay a harming hand on him.”

        “Of course little one.”

        I think to myself looking at the moon before we land, ‘I’ll make them pay for hurting him.’

Tag List

@antis-gauge  @immabethehero  @i-maybe-exist