"More than anything I was relieved that in my unfamiliar babbling-and-wanting-to-talk state I'd stopped myself from blurting the thing on the edge of my tongue, the thing I'd never said, even though it was something we both knew well enough without me saying it out loud to him in the street—which was, of course, I love you."
– The Goldfinch, by Donna Tartt
As soon as I saw her
I was just immediately afraid to lose her
-Rue
I'm so miserable that I can relate to a sad gay paranoid kid trying to convince himself he's not gay while getting high with his friend.
from lemarquandlaura
i think the hardest thing to accept is that my life is not a novel. there is no omnipotent reader rooting for me, loving me despite my flaws and character deficits. my life does not have a poetic theme or overarching narrative, and if it ends bitterly it will not be beautifully tragic or hauntingly relatable, i will just have wasted the life i was given trying to make it that way, always trying to see myself in the third person
thanks for being nice to me. in return i will die for you and never leave your side and go grocery shopping with you.
[S]ometimes, unexpectedly, grief pounded over me in waves that left me gasping; and when the waves washed back, I found myself looking out over a brackish wreck which was illuminated in a light so lucid, so heartsick and empty, that I could hardly remember that the world had ever been anything but dead.
Donna Tartt's The Goldfinch